My first crack of my essay

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okay ladies....here it is....my rough, first crack of writing my essay. it will be due in august. i just did it off the top of my head. what do ya think? please feel free to be honest and cruel....:chair: :sofahider

nursing is for me

september 11, 2001, i watched with the world in horror the events that unfolded that awful day. i felt so many emotions on that day. shock, horror, disbelief, anger, utter sadness, and a complete feeling of helplessness. so many people were hurting that day. i desperately wanted to go and help, but how? i admired the rescuers who ran into the world trade center as people were running out. even though many of these rescuers lost their lives, they are true american heroes. i remember seeing on tv the countless medical staff waiting to help the injured and dying. i said to myself, "i want to do that." i want to comfort the sick, i want to help. i want to be someone's hero. i have a hard time lighting matches and dealing with fire, so i knew i would not do well as a fire fighter. guns make me nervous, so i knew i did not want to be a police officer. i am good at comforting and trying to help ones feel better, just ask my little boy. i want to be a nurse.

as i contemplated my curiosity to become a nurse, i thought to myself, ahhhh, i am not smart enough, at the age of 31 i am too old to go back to school, then i thought again, why not? i learned about the severe nursing shortage and the burn out current nurses are experiencing because of the shortage. i definitely knew this is what i had to do. even though i am just one person, i want to be a part of the bigger picture to help alleviate this growing problem. for me, it is not about the money. i once heard, "you know you enjoy your job when you are willing to do it without pay." i am not driven by dollar signs. i know nursing is not only about helping people. nursing is a way of life. i know it is filled with challenges, stress. you need drive determination, organization, compassion, and knowledge. along with having these qualities, you need to want have the desire to learn more. i think possess these qualities and more.

i want to be an example to my children. i want to show them that that you can have a sense of satisfaction in your career even on your worse day. even though nursing can be filled with challenges, i think it would be a satisfying and rewarding profession for me.

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Specializes in Ante-Intra-Postpartum, Post Gyne.

I think it sounds pretty good for a first crack. If you change anything I would keep this part for sure:

For me, it is not about the money. I once heard, "you know you enjoy your job when you are willing to do it without pay." I am not driven by dollar signs. I know nursing is not only about helping people. Nursing is a way of life. I know it is filled with challenges, stress. You need drive determination, organization, compassion, and knowledge. Along with having these qualities, you need to want have the desire to learn more. I think possess these qualities and more.

Except I would not say I think I possess these qualities, but say I possess these qualities and more.

Rock on sista hope you get in! Sounds like your heart is in the right place.

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Specializes in OR Internship starting in Jan!!.

Along with having these qualities, you need to want have the desire to learn more.

Sounds like a great first attempt :)

Just a typo...I think you meant "you need to have the desire to learn more"

Good luck with your program!

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I like the second paragraph better than the first one. The first one seems a bit dramatic, maybe? Great start, though! How long does it have to be? What program are you in or applying to? I live in SE MI and am hoping to get in MCC's program.

Oh, there is no way I would be a nurse without pay, that's what I'm already doing at home with my kids ;)!

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I think it sounds good. In my essay that I had to submit with my application, I basically said the main reasons I want to be a nurse is because I admire nurses, I am a strong person that works well under stress, I like that nursing offers diversity, job security,fair compensation, and I want to help people. Of course I elaborated on each of these points. I was being honest, I mean money isn't the only reason I am going into nursing but one of the many reasons. This is my stradegy for my interview also. I am going to make it clear that I view nursing as a "professional" career choice as well as a "caring" career choice.

Good Luck!

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Specializes in Critical Care.

This is a good start. I would like to suggest some things. I hope you aren't too put out or hurt by my suggestions, but here goes.

I would leave out the part about not wanting to be a fireman/policeman. I don't think it really matters why you don't want to be something. What matters is why you want to be a nurse. The other stuff just clouds the issue and takes space away from things you want to say. I agree with the other poster about money. I couldn't work as a nurse without pay. I have to eat and compensation is part of any job that you want to have for a long time, money being included in that compensation. That said, I am making more money now than what I will make as a nurse and am still choosing to go into nursing so it isn't just about the money. I don't think I would bring up the money issue at all. If they ask in an interview you can say it then if you want. Did they give you any questions to answer when you apply? Such as What skills do you possess? Why do you think you would be credit to the nursing profession? Why do you want to come to our nursing program/school (as opposed to going to another school)? Have you shadowed a nurse? Why do you think you would be a good nurse? Try to think of it as though you are a hiring manager and you are trying to see if this person who has wrote you is someone you want to hire. I know that you are really good with your son but there are lots of people who are good with their kids but wouldn't make good nurses. What else have you done that would let them know you are good with people, good in a crisis, etc. It doesn't just have to be related to nursing - think how you can apply what you've done already to the nursing profession.

I hope you aren't angry or hurt at my suggestions. You said to be honest. I think you made an excellent start. You got your thoughts down on paper. That is a first step and well beyond a lot of other people. I would also take that paper and run it by nurses in the workforce already (even the nurses at your doctor's office if you don't know any personally). Ask them what they think and if they just say it's good, ask them what they would change about it (add or take away). You don't have to follow what they say but at least you get more feedback. Many times they don't want to hurt your feelings so just say its good. Hope this helps and isn't too "honest".:mad:

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:bowingpur Thank you guys so much!!! I am going to print all of the responses and attach it to my rough draft then go from there. Thyme39, all of your suggestions are AWESOME! Please feel free to add more suggestions. After I revise, I will post it again (probably sometime in June or July). I have to submit it in August.

You guys ROCK!!!!

Also, I woudn't have mind if you guys were a little more brutal....:rotfl:

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