Apologies if this is a post that has been done a million times over (or maybe not?), but I wanted to hear some thoughts and maybe commiserate a little with those who did not pass the CPNE.
It seems like forever ago (2005 or so) that I was on a fast track to my dream. I got through all of the Nursing Concepts exams with speed and success! It then onto the CPNE! (This was before something called the FCCA? and maybe a few extra exams were required - see, I told you .. back in the day!)
Oh, the CPNE. I studied and studied and practiced and practiced and studied and practiced until I had it all down, engraved in my brain. (It still is to an extent - especially when I read everyone's posts.) I flew up to Schenectady, NY and the entire time reviewed and studied and practiced and prayed. Passed both Adult PCS's, but made a teeny tiny mistake during the lab checkoff. I repeated the next day and made another silly mistake out of pure nervousness and fear. DONE. DISMISSED.
All of those months and months of hard, devoted work - for a lady to look at you and say, "I'm sorry, that's it. You have failed."
I was a wreck. I cried and cried and cried for days. And then .. I sort of just dissolved into this walking zombie of failure. I felt so alone and like the biggest loser in the world. Granted, only 2 of the 6 of us passed that weekend (of course one of the women who passed said "I don't ever plan on even touching a patient. I just needed this so I can write Nursing text books. Eh, hope I pass, but oh well." Ahhh! So, the woman who didn't really care either way if she passed did indeed pass, but I, who put in blood, sweat and tears didn't? Eek!), but I couldn't shake it. It really "ruined" me for a long, long time. Sure, we've all had our failures and mistakes. I've been able to shake things off in the past, but this .. this really did something to me. I hate to sound so dramatic and PTSD-ish, but I'm hoping there is someone else out there who can relate.
I mentioned 2005. It's 2012 and I'm finally trying very hard to gear up and give RN school another go. I enjoy being an LPN, but my ultimate goal and dream has been to become an RN. I'm trying to stay positive and not focus on the past. I want to keep a great attitude and succeed. It's just hard, you know?
Also, this post is not to dissuade anyone from going with Excelsior or doing the CPNE. (Though at one point, I was very angry at Excelsior and their staff.) I simply want to let some of this frustration and heartache out. I hope you all understand.
nora2010
11 Posts
Thank you reebokHCFR