My Application Essay

[alexamasan]

Here is my personal statement I have written so far for my nursing school applications. I am applying to Accelerated Second Degree BSN programs. This is exactly two pages long, do you think that's too long or short? If a nurse or nursing student can tell me what they think, I would really appreciate it. Thanks in advance.

When I was still unsure which career to pursue, I shadowed a physician and saw how he worked at hospitals and nursing homes. I saw him talking with patients about procedures, physical therapists helping people walk again, occupational therapists helping people learn to take care of themselves, and nurses doing the tasks needed to keep everything going. He asked how I liked the medical field and after witnessing how all of these different people worked together to bring medical care to those who needed it, I knew I wanted to be a part of that in some way. At the time, I was not sure exactly which role I wanted to fill. All I knew was that I wanted to be hands on, to be face to face with patients, and to be directly involved in their care.

After much advice from my family and school advisors, I pursued dentistry. I volunteered at a free dental clinic that served impoverished people. At the clinic, there was also a medical branch that was supervised by a nurse practitioner and I would occasionally speak to the nurses there and observed what they did during down time in the dental branch. Often times the patients would have appointments with both the dental and medical branches on the same day and seeing how all of us worked together to take care of patients, it was similar to the setting where I shadowed the physician, only this time I was actually part of the team. I really was making a positive impact in the lives of the patients and I knew medicine was right for me.

One summer I worked as a dental assistant at a private practice and whenever we had a nervous patient or an upset child, I always felt the need to talk to them before hand, to help them relax before the procedure. The dentist and the patients did often compliment me for doing this, however, it was here I began to have doubts if dentistry was the correct field for me. Though dentistry did allow me to be hands on and directly involved, remembering my time at the clinic and the hospital, I remembered the nurses going beyond just making sure the equipment was working and checking vitals, but also asking if there was anything more they could do to help them feel better. They were actively listening to make sure all of the patient's needs were met. Compassion and understanding is necessary for a nurse to make sure their patients are receiving the best healthcare possible. I resonated with that very well and I felt I could not utilize this in dentistry very much outside of the occasional nervous patient.

At this time, I began to seriously consider nursing as the right profession for me, however, under the advice of my advisors and family, I had convinced myself that I should continue to pursue dentistry. After entering a graduate program at VCU/MCV, I had realized I had made a mistake and I withdrew from the program. Feeling discouraged, I decided to pursue something completely different and I entered the real estate industry. As a REALTOR, I was able to help those who needed advice and guidance. I was able to take on their burdens as my own and fight for them on the negotiating table. I was an advocate for my clients, making sure their best interest was protected. Sometimes I was unsuccessful, but I learned from experience and looked forward to the next opportunity for my clients. Even though it was a highly rewarding career, I knew my heart was in medicine.

Nursing will impact my life because not only am I able to serve other people, but it specifically allows me to exercise my communication skills and have a direct, hands-on part in improving their overall health. Being able to be an advocate for my patients and making sure their needs are met is what I would find very rewarding. I understand there will be difficult situations I will have to deal with. However, I plan to learn from them and grow stronger when I move forward. I had allowed others to influence me in my career decision in the past, however, nursing is exactly what I want to do. Not only do I plan work in America, but I also plan to go on medical mission trips to help others that may be more in need. I look forward to being part of the team that not only improves the lives of the people they serve, but also improves their own lives.

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[SirenoftheSea]

You're an excellent writer; I really liked it.

[stephaniesoto]

I think there is a lot of too much personal background on why you want to be a nurse. It should be shorter straight to the point it feels like you are taking three paragraphs to talk about why you wanted to be a nurse. Maybe make a paragraph on why you want to be a nurse and the job shadowing , then your experience switching careers and finally what have you done that will make you the greatest nurse. Remember almost every student is going to say they want to be a nurse to "help people". Make yourself stand out and I'm sure you will get in :)

[alexamasan]

So to make sure I understand, your main critique is that it should be shorter. Is that correct?

[stephaniesoto]

Yes shorter , and why you would make a great nurse as we'll as why you want to become a nurse

[efda2rn]

I saw him talking with patients about procedures, physical therapists helping people walk again, occupational therapists helping people learn to take care of themselves, and nurses doing the tasks needed to keep everything going. They were actively listening to make sure all of the patient's needs were met..

First of all, I might skip around a bit and I will look at this purely from a grammatical point of view. The first sentence I quoted seems as if it is either missing something, or like it is two sentences joined together that don't make sense. You saw him talking to patients, but then you discuss other professionals, but do not explain how the shadowed physician interracted with these individuals. Or did you see these other people at work while you were shadowing the physician? Either way, it needs to be reworked.The second sentence I quoted is a simple fix. In surrounding sentences the plural of patients was used, therefore, the possessive plural, "patients'" should be used, with the apostrophe outside of the pluralizing 's.'I didn't quote it, but there is no need to put "REALTOR" in all caps. Also, I really don't feel that mentioning your time in real estate is all that helpful. It just shows them another career you tried before settling on nursing. This may not have been the intended tone, but as a reader, that is the impression it gives. No school will want a student that is settling for nursing because nothing else worked out.Continuity is important. You use the phrase "hands on" both with and without the hyphen. Either can be perceived as correct, so pick one way and stick with it throughout the essay.In terms of content, I know you may be trying to explain why the dentistry is showing up on your transcript, but since so much of nursing is about autonomy, I might downplay how much influence your family's wishes had on your own decision making. It makes you seem indecisive even with the disclaimer in your closing statement. There are few other awkward sentences here and there. Try reading out loud using your own, conversational voice. If a sentence does not flow easily in a cadence that is natural for you, then take another look at it. I hope that this is helpful. I'm going to be in the same boat soon as I am applying to NS over winter break, as well! Best of luck!

[efda2rn]

Oh wow. I promise I put in breaks between those paragraphs when I wrote it! Serves me right for trying to do this on my tablet...