So, I have been chronicling my dreadful, never-ending battle with California's infamous BRN for about the last 6 months through the posts of others. I've decided to begin my own thread for any of you out there who may unfortunately find yourself in this horrendous situation:
I have a criminal history. Long story short (and there always is one), I went through some traumatic experiences in high school, things no young woman should ever have to endure. I used some textbook, maladaptive coping strategies in an attempt to help myself along. I was stuck in the denial and isolation phase of my grief for about 7 years. Rather than get help and face my issues head on, I self-medicated and wound up landing myself a DUI at 18 and again at 23.
Fast forward about 10 years and there is the ME today. A 33 year old wife and mother. I maintained an occupational license in another medical field for 6 years, working full-time while I simultaneously earned a degree in Behavioral Sciences before I entered the nursing program in 2012. I commuted almost daily once I started the ADN program. A 150 mile round trip to school, rotations, skills lab, and study sessions from the central valley to the San Francisco Bay.
Being in the nursing program made me the happiest I've ever been in life. I couldn't even wait to get to my car in the parking lot before I called my mom and my husband to tell them all of the awesome skills I was able to perform at the hospital each day. I was on cloud 9 after I inserted my first NG tube, called my first code, started my first IV (the list can go on and on). I finally felt like I found my purpose in life…until 2 weeks before I was scheduled to graduate and the rug was yanked out from under me.
I received a letter from the BRN stating that they were DENYING my application for licensure because of my past criminal history. I new that my application would require additional processing, but never in my most wildest nightmares did I expect this, and definitely not after being successfully licensed with another CA licensing entity. I honestly believed that because I had the charges expunged, submitted completion certificates for programs, had letters from my instructors, proof of volunteer work with children, and all of my academic achievements over the last 10 years, I provided sufficient evidence that I am a respectable and productive member of society, that has successfully rehabilitated herself.
How wrong was I? I opened a certified letter from the BRN the day before Mother's Day and just 12 days before my pinning ceremony, with a big fat denial on it. My heart literally broke into a million pieces. I immediately filed an appeal. I naively thought that I could reason with them because maybe they had overlooked something and maybe this is just how things work and after further investigation I'll get my license and it'll be all good, right?
This was just the start of the worst and longest 9 months of my life. All of my hard work and time spent on my education, my passion for life, was flushed down the toilet. For any of you at this point, be prepared to do some serious explaining--TO EVERYONE. You've just graduated; one of the happiest days of your life just turned sour because you're about to take an oath on stage in front of your entire family that has no clue you've actually been rejected by the BRN and it's basically all for nothing. I felt like such a liar. I can't even tell you how many times each day I was asked when I was going to take the NCLEX, when I was going to get my license, and when and where I was going to start working. I broke the news to my parents which only piled on the stress, but to those just being polite and asking innocent questions, I could only give so many excuses. "I'm studying for a while," and "I'm taking the summer off," and "I'm planning the wedding," and "It takes a while to get the results back," and "I've been having a lot of health issues lately so I'm trying to take it easy." All things that were true at the time, but you can only keep that up for so long…try 5 months.
I finally had to begin full disclosure. I was tired of hiding and to be honest with you, most people just assumed that I must have miserably failed my test that I took 4 months prior. Then comes the shame. Why after all these years do I begin feeling like this young, wide eyed girl who'd screwed up yet again? It was like I was being arrested all over again. The looks, the judgement, the discrimination…maybe it was all in my head and then again maybe not. Some people look at you like dirt and others see you for who you really are and what you have to offer to the world because of your life's experiences.
I finally received an accusation in the mail from the deputy attorney general handling my case about 3 to 4 months after filing my appeal, letting me know that I had just 10 days to respond to it. Mind you I had already sat for the NCLEX and was denied the opportunity to know my results (which are still being withheld as of today). I'm about 15 days away from my DIY wedding and pretty broke considering the circumstances, so a lawyer was completely out of the question. 5 days later I receive a stipulated settlement offer consisting of all 19 probation stipulations. Now, 10 days to my wedding, 5 days to all of my in-laws being in town. No one's asking about how excited we are to be getting married (as if I could even fake a smile throughout all of this). No. Everyone wants to know how my NCLEX went, when I'm going to start working and when I'm going to get my nursing license. I couldn't wait for my wedding so I could see all of the rest of our family and friends and answer yet even more questions about why I don't have my nursing license yet! I love my husband, he's a rider. I can't even imagine how he must of felt to have his wife-to-be staring back at him, looking completely devastated and defeated on what should have been again, one of the happiest days of our lives.
By God's good graces we got through that day, and the next, and the next few weeks that I spent up all night trolling allnurses and other online sites trying to find any useful information regarding licensing appeals and litigation. I was so physically and mentally spent that I managed to get kidney stones and a severe kidney infection, which kept me ill for an entire month after our unforgettable wedding and fab wedding present from the BRN.
After I pulled myself together I continued my quest to take back the dignity and degree I felt was stolen from me. As nursing students we are taught to be advocates for our patients and lucky for me I was taught well, because I truly became my own best advocate throughout all of this. I dug so deep into everything, hours upon hours a day until I came across a legal group that assists people in getting back into the workforce. They also took on a campaign for civil rights for those of us not fortunate enough to afford a quality legal team. A 5 second questionnaire in the middle of the night turned into a call to my cell phone the very next morning letting me know that my story was read and that there were people interested helping me.
One of the conditions of my meeting was to bring in a recent copy of my criminal history report. I hurried to do this and when I received it I was in utter disbelief. I read it and saw that one of the DUIs had in fact NOT been expunged. How could this be? I'm looking right at the order for dismissal from the court! I ended up finding out that my court paperwork was not adjudicated in the DOJ system by the court erroneously!! I immediately contacted the attorney general, because this had to be the reason for the denial, right?? I forwarded my court documents right away. I was later informed that day that my settlement offer was NOT negotiable, regardless of the expungement.
I took this information in stride. I had nothing to lose. I had been beaten before and have gotten back up. I still had this last ditch effort in meeting these lawyers. They were willing to help me at no cost. I had to at least try. After about a month and several more meetings and phone conferences, we decided to give this another go. I had to challenge the error on my criminal history report and clear that up before going back to the BRN. I obtained letters from more instructors, my supervisor where I volunteer, friends, family, classmates, everyone. I had a substance abuse evaluation done, which could be seen as risky, but based on the DSM V criteria I was found NOT to meet the criteria for addiction. After carefully going through the probationary terms with my lawyers, they sent a settlement offer to the BRN along with my mitigation package.
It's now month 9 and I hear back from the BRN. I have to be honest; I went into this expecting the worst and with little hope for change. While they aren't willing to issue me a clear license and won't budge on the disciplinary action, which for the record I feel is a huge disservice, they were willing to drastically reduce the terms of my probation, pending that I complete an additional mental and physical examination and get cleared. While I still feel that this is completely unfair, I also feel the need to move forward and restart my life. Again. I am a big believer in things happening for a reason, and for whatever reason these challenges with the BRN are only a small part in the grand scheme of things AKA MY LIFE, which I am choosing to take back and do amazing things with.
