My name is Shannon, I am 39 years old, a single mother of three amazing teenagers and what is considered a "non-traditional" student. I laugh to myself now when I hear the phrase "non-traditional student", however when I first began my college venture, I will admit that every time I was referred to in such a way, I felt singled out as if I had many obstacles in front of me and I was expected to fail at some point.
When I was a small child in Iowa, my father was disabled in a work related accident. My mother divorced him shortly after, and soon, my only sibling and I were being raised by our father. We grew up under township scrutiny, questioning the morals and intentions of a man raising two young girls by himself. My father was and is the single most loving, caring, devoted, person I know; and to this day, still my biggest cheerleader. I quickly found myself assuming the roles of "mother" around the house. It was not long before I was cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, yard-work, shopping, paying bills and even minor home repairs. Assuming this huge responsibility was never a burden, in fact, I quite enjoyed it and still do as an adult.
Both of my parents were factory workers, as were most people in our town. I grew up watching people struggle their entire life with finances, alcohol and drugs; assuming that this was just normal life. I was never content with "just getting by", and although I found myself doing the same, I always dreamed of a better life for myself.
By the age of 22, my "high-school sweetheart" and I had three young children and he had developed a drinking habit. When I was 25, I'd had enough and left their father to raise our children on my own. I quickly found a new job working in the PayDay Loan Industry and moved my way up to manager within a year. Life was busy, hectic and money was always tight, but I had my kids to keep me going every single day. I always dreamed of having "more" for them; I wanted them to know that it is not okay to "settle", that anything is theirs for the reaching, and you are never too old to follow your dreams.
When I was 34 I decided to go back to school, it was tough but I managed to obtain an AAB online while working 60+ hours/week, raising three kids and accepting a job transfer from Iowa to sunny SW Florida. Life was good; things were going well, until one day I was robbed at gunpoint by two men in my new office. I can say that all of the training in the world will never prepare you for the horror of having a gun grinding into your skull. I will also tell you that several things flashed through my mind during the ten short minutes that felt like an eternity. My thoughts circled around this: Will the bullet be in my back or my head? How bad will it hurt? How long before I die? And the question that still haunts me...Will my kids hate me forever for leaving them so young? Over and over, I begged for my life and pleaded that I was a single mom; and by the grace of powers unknown, they left with cash, leaving me, for the most part unharmed. I didn't leave my house for a week, and three months of therapy followed. There is literally nothing in this world more humbling than having your life in another's hands; and I will never forget that feeling.
I found myself unable to ever set foot in that office again, and soon, nearly ten career years later with a new business degree I didn't want to use, I found myself unemployed and trying to find out what I REALLY want to do with my life. My mind went back to growing up, taking care of my father and seeing my aunt, who was the only educated person in generations in our family. She was an RN, and I remembered looking up to her in her traditional nursing whites, and it seemed there was a halo of goodness surrounding this beautiful, loving woman. I remember thinking "I want to be just like her when I grow up". And so began my change of careers, to be the second educated person in generations on either side of my family.
Nursing school is painful, like no other. It is not uncommon to have 600+ pages due to be read (and understood) every week, countless hours of clinical and classroom paperwork, clinical rotations and weekly exams to name a few. Nursing school will make you question your every intention, second-guess your ability to comprehend, instill fear only dreamt of and EMPOWER you to reach within and become the best you can be. This December after nearly three long, grueling, painful, tearful years, I graduated as an RN. Even more empowering is the following month I passed my state boards and accepted a position at a local hospital, I cried for an entire day when this happened. This May I begin my journey to earn my BSN, following afterwards with certification as a Wound Care nurse (WOCN).
How in the world does a single mother juggle three kids, a father in renal failure, multiple part-time jobs to make ends meet, household chores, bills, school work, and still find time to enjoy life? It is quite simple actually; I live by two basic rules that my dad taught me years ago.
Live by lists:
Having what seem to be fifty things to do in a single day, my dad taught me years ago to make a list. I start every single day with a list what must be done, what I would like to do and what extra stuff I could do if I have the time. Prioritizing the important stuff is crucial to better time-management.
Gratifying - is crossing off items one-by-one, they can be the tiniest task, but they are done, and that feels amazing. It helps to keep me focused on what still lies ahead and I am able to regroup and adjust my time appropriately as needed.
I have a calendar at my desk and one in my phone; I sync every single thing I must do a month ahead. I make sure that all bill deadlines are noted; college assignments (reading, paperwork, studying for tests etc.) are all time-blocked. I make sure to note work schedule, appointments and paydays; and I always have a running shopping list going on the fridge (my kids know, when we run out or if they need something, put it on the list...ask and you shall receive!). Life is much easier when we keep organized.
Creating lists allows one to better balance each day, time can set aside time for studying (and study breaks too), chores, family-time and work. Life does and will continue to throw curve-balls, and even the best thought-out lists will have to be reviewed and adjusted as our days go on. Being flexible is a must, especially as a non-traditional student.
Have an attitude of gratitude:
Life isn't always easy or what we hope or expect it to be. However there is something wonderful that can come out of even the worst of circumstances, the beauty is in finding it. I spend my days finding reasons to be grateful. There have been many times over the years that all I was grateful for was that the sun rose that day, the electricity didn't get shut off, or that I didn't run out of gas to/from work. But I was always grateful.
Tying in with having an attitude of gratitude I also live by my father's rules and never feel guilty for taking care of myself. I eat well, stay active and treat myself to little things that make me feel good; a book, a sweet treat or even a nap; whatever it is I do not feel guilty for taking care of me. We laugh at our house, but the saying is true: "If mamma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy".
A positive attitude, a belief in yourself and the ability to set mini-goals and tackle obstacles is all one really needs to overcome the stigma of a "non-traditional" student and show them all (and mostly YOURSELF) that you are worth it, you can do it and trust me, you will achieve it.
