Lost newish grad

[Name9335, BSN, RN]

Hopefully my story does not have too many identifying details, but I am wondering if anyone else has gone through something similar to me? Sorry for the length in advance.

I am a new graduate RN. I graduated at the beginning of May with my BSN. All I ever dreamed of was hospital/med surg nursing..... possibly ICU eventually. The same day I passed NCLEX, I was offered a position on a neuro med-surg floor at a fairly well known hospital that I had interviewed at. I was THRILLED. I started that job about a month and a half later (I had to move and transfer my license, which took some time....), anyways, about two months into the position, i was starting to have management talk to me about some concerns that they had that I was not really progressing as fast as they would like/need for me to go. These went on for about another month, with me trying to fix what they were asking as hard as I could, but alas, eventually we came to the conclusion that this was not the best floor for me to start my career with. The acuity was way too high. I was discouraged/frustrated/angry, ect..... but I decided to apply to the hospital across town.

That hospital was smaller and had more of a general med surg position available. I interviewed, loved the managers and shortly afterwards, got my new job. I was super excited as this position was going to allow me to learn a few more skills than the last place (IV starts, central lines, ect....) Things were going great! at first...... but shortly after my first review (about a month in), preceptors and management were again beginning to bring up some of the same concerns that the last place did. I was angry, heartbroken, ect, but I again put my head down and threw my self 200% into the job to try to fix their concerns. Again, it was not enough, and I again had to resign from my second position in order to avoid termination.

At this point, I am numb, angry, scared, frustrated, and probably a whole host of other emotions. It seems as though at this point, I will not be able to handle hospital nursing which hurts sooooo bad. That is all I ever wanted to do, and honestly the pain that nursing has brought to me these last few short months has made me consider walking from the profession completely. But I LOVE nursing. I honestly don't know where to turn. Currently I am also working PRN at a nursing home, but am looking for other possible areas. I don't know where else to go. Nothing else really interests me, although I have looked into possibly infusion nursing, but I don't know enough about it.

[Sour Lemon]

You're still relatively new. It took me about a year to feel "ok", and that was without switching jobs. On the other hand, it's concerning that both hospitals felt you weren't progressing well. Did they give you more specific feedback?

[Crush]

What were their concerns? That might make it better to offer advise/help. However, it takes a while to get comfortable as a nurse and having to leave 2 jobs must be very frustrating.

[Name9335, BSN, RN]

I am not sure to be honest. I know at the second hospital (the one that I just left), the typical load was 4 patients with a fairly high acuity number (kind of complicated, and I don't want to go into too much detail as it could reveal the hospital...), anyways I had been at three patients with lower acuity too far into orientation. They switched me to a different orientation model that they were beginning to implement and I believed that I had made great progress towards their concerns, but it wasn't enough and it wasn't fast enough.

[Name9335, BSN, RN]

Here is a little more information, although again, I am trying to be somewhat vague as I do not want to identify myself or the facilities involved. Some of the concerns centered around time management/prioritization, critical thinking, delegation/asking for help, and general lack of progression. Maybe I just have blinders on and am in denial, but I thought a lot of these were things that new grads struggle with for their first couple of years

[Sour Lemon]

They switched me to a different orientation model that they were beginning to implement and I believed that I had made great progress towards their concerns, but it wasn't enough and it wasn't fast enough.

What were their concerns?

[Name9335, BSN, RN]

The patient load/acuity

[Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN]

anyways, about two months into the position, i was starting to have management talk to me about some concerns that they had that I was not really progressing as fast as they would like/need for me to go.

Shortly after my first review (about a month in), preceptors and management were again beginning to bring up some of the same concerns that the last place did.

Tough love time...

There is a saying popular in recovery circles that could apply here: "If one person calls you a duck, ignore them. If ten people call you a duck, start looking for tail feathers."

I'm not entirely sure what the concerns are as you are being vague about them...but that is irrelevant.

The fact that two different facilities are having the same concerns about your performance means that there's probably validity to those concerns--i.e., you might be a duck. You need to take those concerns seriously and take an honest look at yourself and what you're doing. Then you can figure out what needs to be fixed and get to it.

And to be honest, you're not doing yourself any favors by saying "I don't know what the concerns are" when two different facilities are telling you the same things. They're telling you what the problems are. They can see them....now you need to see them. It's up to you to do the self-improvement to address them. Otherwise, you'll risk continuously being let go for the same issues.

Best of luck.

[Name9335, BSN, RN]

Thank you. I did post some of their concerns, but have left some out to remain private. I was trying my hardest to fix their concerns, and thought I was making good progress, but it wasn't fast enough. I will be taking a step away from acute care for the time being to process things. I am more just venting.... and scared that I will never be able to meet expectations. Just taking one day at a time

[_littlemissBSN, BSN, RN]

Hi! I'm a new grad RN as well and like you, I feel quite a bit overwhelmed at times. I made a thread not too long ago wherein I vented about my thoughts and feelings when I had to work on my own for the first time (off of orientation) and reflected on things that made me struggle: "First day as an official RN: Reflection" https://allnurses.com/general-nursing-discussion/first-day-as-1142530.html

I empathize with how you feel and you're certainly not the only one who is struggling right now. My professor once told me that it takes a new grad nurse 2 years to begin feeling comfortable in their career. My take is that, the two poor performance evaluations you received from your previous employers may have negatively affected your confidence and that's only a natural response. But if you truly love nursing, use that as a motivation to better yourself. You already have an idea on what you need to work on. Reflect on the factors that contribute to what you're struggling with and brainstorm some ways on how to deal with them. Refresh yourself with basic nursing concepts if you have to and don't hesitate to ask for advice from your more experienced co-workers/supervisors/former professors. I've yet to receive my performance evaluation, but I thought reflecting on my every work day has helped me improve, especially with my time management. Never again did I go home at 9:30 in the evening (not yet again so far, at least!)

[Sour Lemon]

The patient load/acuity

That's extremely vague. I understand why you're being vague, but it's hard to offer any meaningful advice without knowing what the actual problems are. I hope you're able to find the right fit sometime in the near future. I wish you luck.

[Name9335, BSN, RN]

Thanks. I just keep taking one day at a time. Honestly right now, none of this feels real, but I'll figure it out. As far as the load/acuity. I was only handling three patients at a very low acuity on their scale, where as I needed to get to 4 patients on the higher acuity according to their scale. When I switched to the new orientation, I believed I made great gains as I was up to four patients with the highest acuity numbers, but it just wasn't enough. They found some new problems each shift. I would try my hardest to fix the issues that were brought up on the next shift, and then they would find a couple more