Looking for advice

[LeanneNis]

Decided to post tonight in hopes of some good advice from others who may "get it".

Quick background i went to nursing after getting married and having kids, but Im still relatively young...30's. anyway I started out by getting a diploma in nursing, went to work medicine and eventually A year ER term. During this year and a half I learnt a lot but still struggled a lot with feeling inadequate, anxious and "less than" because I didn't have a degree,or so I thought. I went back to achieve my BN at this point, thinking that had spend this much time and effort on nursing I better finish what I started. 6 months into school I found out I was pregnant (after trying for 6years, when not in school, since being married). I was devastated at first given that I was back, deep in my studies and felt like now I would never finish and was bound to fail. Ended up going back to work, having to face everyone and admit I in fact was not done my degree but pregnant. After maternity leave I rejoined school and completed my degree and passed my NCLEX. I have been back at work for about 4 months now and I am miserable! All in all I guess I have about 3 yrs of ft nursing experience yet I have never felt stupider, more inadequate, more anxious or more defeated in my career. I should be feeling more confident and competent but instead find the more I figure out what I don't know the more anxious I get. I am terrified of making a mistake, forgetting something, but mostly of not knowing what to do. I endlessly take courses and review nursing stuff ( a stack of books and power points at my bedside) but yet my mind feels empty. I have struggled with anxiety and depression a lot of my life but I have never had a life event leave me as hopeless as nursing has. To top it off I find nursing a field where admitting these feelings of inadequacy is not favoured and so I live everyday trying to hide my struggle. Also should mention I live in a small town so getting MH help is uncomfortable seeing as how I know and or work with most in the field thru my position in nursing.

I'm a wife and mother too depressed and anxious about her job to take proper care of my family. I don't have the option financially to just quit, otherwise at this point I probably would...then again maybe not as that too would be failure. Feeling lost please help.

[llg, PhD, RN]

I have struggled with anxiety and depression a lot of my life but I have never had a life event leave me as hopeless as nursing has.

That's it in a nutshell. Your struggles are not a "nursing" issue ... they are a deeply personal one. You would probably be struggling with them no matter what type of job you had. As difficult as it might be, you need to get help for you mental health issues. That might mean swallowing some pride, but that is what you have to do for your health & happiness -- and for the health & happiness of your family.

The holiday season often intensifies people's depression as they (we) compare our real lives to the fantasy lives we see in all the holiday movies on TV, etc. We're supposed to be happy this time of year and "aglow" with the holiday spirit. Not experience that kind of "magic" we see all around us (even though it is fake), can make us feel even worse. If that's the case with you, you might want to try to focus on the here and now reality and avoid those overly perfect fantasy portraits of life this season. If they make you feel better, then ignore this paragraph.

... get some help for you mental health issues. That's probably the only way you are going to get any better. Do what you have to do to move with actions that will get you some help. It may not be easy or comfortable for you to do so, but it is probably necessary.

... and take heart from knowing that you can come here and vent ... or cry ... if you need to.

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

You had a baby, finished school, AND returned to work.That is onehelluva accomplishment.

The "work" you returned to is STRESSFUL.

You are overdoing it with the books and powerpoints. Talking with a mental health provider will help you sort things out, confidentiality will be kept.

What you really need to do , is get out of the hospital setting. It can be done.

[LeanneNis]

Would love to find something out of the hospital...no nights lol. In Canada it's pretty hard to land a non-hospital job however, at least it seems to be, unless I'm not looking in the right places.

[LeanneNis]

Thanks so much for the encouragement! I often feel most people in my life cannot grasp the feelings about nursing I explain...from what I have read on here many others have felt the way I do so that is encouraging. Now to get through my weekend of nights barf lol

[Horseshoe, BSN, RN]

I wonder if you had postpartum depression that, left untreated, has snowballed into a chronic condition. Coupled with your history of anxiety, it's no wonder you are feeling lousy. The fact that you are hanging in there at all is a testament to your strength and commitment to family and job. But you need to set that aside and focus on your health, or things are going to continue to deteriorate.

Get some professional help for your issues-seriously. You'd go to a professional if you had bothersome physical symptoms, right? There is no shame in seeking help for mental issues either. You'll be amazed at how different the world will look to you once your mind is clear and healthy.

Good luck, and let us know how you are doing.