looking for advice, or mabey just an ear from those who understand

[sarlpn]

Hi everyone:). I guess i need to let something off my chest. First of all i will say i love nursing. Im an lpn studying for my degree at the moment. I work in Aged care and have done for 10 years. My problem is this. I lost my mother last year to lung cancer. I nursed her till the end, her illness was very quick, she passed just 6 months after diagnosis. Ever since she left i find it hard to care for elderly,and dying people. It seems to affect me more. I enjoy taking care of them, but also feel a bit depressed. I think about my mother every shift in some way.

I wonder if i need to have a change to school nursing or something involving no death for a while? or would i still feel the same no matter what job i was in? I keep on telling myself to snap out of it and get on with my career as i love my job and have invested alot of time and energy into it. I have 2 children and a husband who adores me, i am very blessed. I dont feel i have depression, im a very happy person with a positive outlook on life. Mums been gone a year and a half now, i know you cant put a time limit on grief, but surely i should be feeling better by now? Thoughts anyone?

[bubblymom373]

I am sorry for your loss.

There is no timeline for grief. Everyone goes through it at their own pace. Does your place of work have an EAP? If so I would take advantage of it. Just being able to talk things over with someone can help.

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

Please realize that nursing is painful/difficult at best. After the death of a loved one, we are even more fragile.

Take as much time as you can before caring for people at the end of life.

We are only human after all, try another area:hug: of nursing.. if you can.

[sarlpn]

wow, thankyou all those who replied, i appreicaite your thoughts and time. Im sorry to all those who have lost a husband, parent, or child. It seems alot of us have had our own personal grief to deal with at some point or other in our careers.

I think its true that my job makes it more difficult for me to move foward as im dealing with death and dying almost daily on some level. I was extremely close to my mother too. A change of pace might be good for me for a while, just to breathe and take some time for myself to heal.

I am a spiritual person and believe i will see all my loved ones passed in heaven one day. My faith in god is what keeps me focused and motivated.

Isnt it funny how i have never considered counselling.. A typical nurse i guess finds it easier to care for others.Food for thought, i will defenitely consider it now.

I do believe nursing is still the best career for me. How refreshing it is to be able to share things with those who understand, thankyou lovely nurses, take care.:)

[gingersnapsRN]

sarlpn,

I am a new RN and I also work with the Geriatric population and it has brought up some deep down hurt over the loss of my grandmother, expecially when I care for a resident that has the same illness she suffered from and wonder if there was a nurse who cared for her the way I care for my residents. It has been 2 years and the pain over her passing has not gone away, it just comes and goes with spurts, not just aniversaries but in little moments at work when I reassure a confused resident that she is okay and safe and she says "thank you for caring for me."

It sounds like you are a very caring, devoted nurse and daugther. You have alot to offer to the Geriatric community. Take care of and be patient with yourself. Be patient with your grief, it shows you are human that you still hurt.

Thank you for sharing sarlpn, it helps me knowing I am not alone either in my grieving.:redbeathe