Looking for advice for dealing with co-worker

[nana2003]

I recently had a personal experience with a co-worker and would like some suggestions. We both work for the county Health Dept and are both contracted to another county dept. Now just to clarify she and I are the only 2 nurses directly involved in the particular program we work with, the others are all social workers.

But we are still expected to participate in certain things in the Health dept. One of the things is an emergency call tree. We were sent an email and told the next practice would be done during off work hours and to keep the calling tree info at home too. Well when it happened I got the call from the one on the list before me and then I had to call this co-worker since she was the next on the tree. Anyway I call her and it goes to her answering machine so I am leaving her a message as per our procedure when she picks up the phone. (If she had not picked up the phone I would just call the next person myself.) So I explain to her why I am calling and she is to call the next person on the list. Well she does not have the list at home so I have to give her the name and number to call. When I give her the number I mention that it might be long distance and she may need to dial 1 and the area code. Well she freaks out and says she can't call long distance. I ask her why, and she says she does not have a long distance company. I ask her how could she not have a long distance company and she says she is in the process of changing long distance companies. She keeps complaining to me and saying she can not do this. So I ask her if she expects me to call for her and she says no, but keeps complaining that she can not afford to make this phone call, because it will cost more since she does not have a regular long distance company. I explain to her that it is not like calling another state or country, it is in the same county, and I am not even sure if it is long distance. By this time I am very frustrated and getting angry. I am about ready to hang up and call the next one myself, she does this stuff to me all the time and I always give into her. So then I asked her what if this were a real emergency, would you not make the call because it may be long distance? Do you really want to break the "emergency call tree"? She finally agrees to do it and we end the conversation. My husband who has been standing there waiting for me heard this conversation and is ready to grab the phone from me to yell at her. He is more upset with her than I am, and I am pretty mad. I thought about reporting this to our supervisor, but I know it would come back at me and she seems to always come out of things smelling like a rose, and I feel I am usually looked on as petty. I even thought about asking them to change the order of the call tree! But I think if she is worried about her phone bill she should ask to be changed on the call list. If this type of thing happens again, I will just hang up on her and call the next person and then let the supervisor know what happened.

What would you have done? Any suggestions.

[nursemike, ASN, RN]

I doubt this is going to be very satisfying, but it has been my experience that some people just like to gripe, and you can't change them. The best I've ever been able to manage has been just to nod and agree that whatever it is is horribly unfair, and yes, they're sticking it to me, too, so I feel for you.

Intuitively, that sounds like enabling, but the thing is, on some level they want you to try to dispute their negativism so they can continue to rant, but if you just agree, it seems to take most of the fun out of it.

Anyway, that's my take. It doesn't sound like you have a lot to lose by trying it.

[nana2003]

I doubt this is going to be very satisfying, but it has been my experience that some people just like to gripe, and you can't change them. The best I've ever been able to manage has been just to nod and agree that whatever it is is horribly unfair, and yes, they're sticking it to me, too, so I feel for you.

Intuitively, that sounds like enabling, but the thing is, on some level they want you to try to dispute their negativism so they can continue to rant, but if you just agree, it seems to take most of the fun out of it.

Anyway, that's my take. It doesn't sound like you have a lot to lose by trying it.

You actually did nail her attitude. And usually I would just nod and get out asap. She always acts as if she wants your advice, but when you give it, she doesn't like it. I try to limit my contact with her as much as possible. But when I have to talk her into doing her part on an emergency call tree, then it has probably gone to far. She was not just gripping this time, (she always gripes) she was saying she was not going to do it, and could not afford it. That is what made this time different. But there is probably no good solution to this type of personality.

[Works2xs]

Not that this is always applicable, but... there are personality types who don't respond well to changes in routine, etc. In some cases, after they vent their spleen a bit, they comply or even become cooperative. So you might try and let them vent and just ignore their comments until its over. If they eventually do it, mission accomplished. If they don't, well, sometimes you just have to let coworkers be responsible for their own career - as well as the consequences for when they don't.

The other part is that when someone is "going off", there's nothing written that says you have to respond. Deliver the message and go your merry way. For some reason, when we're on the phone, there's this nearly uncontrollable need to respond to everything the other end says to us. Resist the urge. Org's practice stuff like "phone trees" to find out where the problems are. If you coworker chronically fails to activate the next person on the tree, their non-compliance will become obvious and management will do what they do.

[canoehead, BSN, RN]

"Wow, that's too bad, well...goodluck."

I'd hang up fast.

[ageless]

I would ignore the complaints and have just stated that "this is the emergency casade calling tree and to please notify the next person in the chain" the truth is that it is her responsibility from that point. She knew about the drill in advance, and thereby probably knew you would be calling and then she in turn would have to make a another call. She had a means all along to continue the call back, she just wanted to be enabled.

The last person in the chain has the responsibility to contact the originator. That way the chain goes full circle to see where and if there are any snags. It is usually a timed event and small talk lengthens the response time. It is a drill and if all the steps are followed, the test would indicate the weak links.

Sometimes it is best not to force a solution. Her phone problems are hers to solve. Let nature take its course and she will face her own proverbial music which will allow her an opportunity for growth.

[nana2003]

Not that this is always applicable, but... there are personality types who don't respond well to changes in routine, etc. In some cases, after they vent their spleen a bit, they comply or even become cooperative. So you might try and let them vent and just ignore their comments until its over. If they eventually do it, mission accomplished. If they don't, well, sometimes you just have to let coworkers be responsible for their own career - as well as the consequences for when they don't.

The other part is that when someone is "going off", there's nothing written that says you have to respond. Deliver the message and go your merry way. For some reason, when we're on the phone, there's this nearly uncontrollable need to respond to everything the other end says to us. Resist the urge. Org's practice stuff like "phone trees" to find out where the problems are. If you coworker chronically fails to activate the next person on the tree, their non-compliance will become obvious and management will do what they do.

You are 100% accurate..............she does not like change. I seem to be the one that she dumps on, she is sweet as pie to the others, they never see that side of her. But we are so closely associated because we are the only nurses that work in this program, I do not want the higher ups in the health dept thinking the phone tree fell apart with me. So I guess I am enabling her to continue this type of behavior. Maybe I am the one that needs to learn how to deal with her differently. I prefer not to deal with her at all! LOL.

Her attitude makes me rethink the whole nursing theory of being there and helping.

[DG5]

I do not want the higher ups in the health dept thinking the phone tree fell apart with me.

I'm hearing you say that although you have phoned her and done your part, you are still worried that the higher ups will think you didn't make your phone call? That this co-worker will deny ever receiving your call? That would be what I would be concerned about here, and would see if there is a way you can make sure you can prove you made your call ?record the conversation just in case. Its a sad thing if it has to come to that.

[Momto3andNurse2B]

If someone can complain about making a $.11 phone call, it sounds like she's one of those people who isn't happy unless she has something to complain about. I'd just make my dealings with her as quick as possible. Don't let it bother you, people who are like this seldom change. Too bad she picked up the phone, it would have cost you another phone call, but saved you a lot of aggravation.

[live4today, RN]

I recently had a personal experience with a co-worker and would like some suggestions............................we are still expected to participate in certain things in the Health dept. One of the things is an emergency call tree. We were sent an email and told the next practice would be done during off work hours and to keep the calling tree info at home too. Well when it happened I got the call from the one on the list before me and then I had to call this co-worker since she was the next on the tree. Anyway I call her and it goes to her answering machine so I am leaving her a message as per our procedure when she picks up the phone.................................I even thought about asking them to change the order of the call tree! ......................What would you have done? Any suggestions.

Have the order of the call tree listing her name and number FIRST. That way if she doesn't start the call tree as needed no one else will receive their call placing her in deep shick with the boss for not calling the others.

[nana2003]

Have the order of the call tree listing her name and number FIRST. That way if she doesn't start the call tree as needed no one else will receive their call placing her in deep shick with the boss for not calling the others.

Oh how I wish I could do that! But unfortunately that is not an option. The first caller is the head of the disaster response commitee or someone she appointments. What I would really like to do is not to have to call her, or have her call me. We all have to record the time we got the call and the time we called the next person.

I never thought about recording the call. That might be an option.

And I really wished she had never picked up the phone, I would have been more than happy to talk to the next person on the list. She is very nice. LOL

[Roseyposey]

I know this isn't the angle you're looking for, but - as this is a work-related call, she or anyone else making this call should be reimbursed by the county for making the long distance call, right? Maybe if she knew ahead of time she could submit the bill for reimbursement of the call, she wouldn't be so resistant. That said, it is not your responsibility to check this out either, unless you end up being the one making the long distance call.