Long Post- Apologize or move on? Would love to hear from you

[GoNightingale, BSN, RN]

Hello my wonderful people at allnurses.com! Well....I want to share some possible opportunities that have come my way and from some Nursing Directors out there, I would certainly appreciate your sound advice. Here it goes....my last post was about my termination of employment in October. I never want to go through that again. The termination included an Employee Disciplinary Action for unprofessional conduct. I am a novice at this and I really did not have a clue as to the types of "unit environments" there are out there. I had 2 terrible experiences in my last semester of school practicums. No matter what I did to warm up to my preceptors, they made it a point to make my life miserable! And believe me they did! At first I cried like a baby...I couldn't believe my preceptors did not have the courtesy to approach me with any problems they may have thought they had with me. Instead they went to the Nursing Directors with a bunch of lies. To this day, I don't know what made them back-stab me in this fashion and not talk directly with me. But if I hadn't gotten tough and angry and make some very reasonable demands as well as suggestions about some of the characteristics a preceptor should have, I would not be sitting here tonight telling this story as an RN.

So get my license, get hired in a teaching hospital and lo!and behold, the DON sticks me with a preceptor that, I'm telling you, was mean, malintended,little miss knowitall and certainly did not display any active listening capabilities-but rather defensive about every question I asked her. At the fourth hour, I knew I was not going to learn anything with this person because she was so argumentative rather than instructive. So as a newbie, I went to a long-standing and nice nurse on the floor and explained the problem to her. She said, oh she is the worst go and tell the DON you want change preceptors before the preceptor complains about you. So I did. My DON said this was not a problem that it could just be a personality conflict. I said to her that I thought this preceptor was a very good nurse, but that I couldn't get a question in without conflict with her. Well....this preceptor (little did I know) was very influential with the other nurses on the floor and she started spreading poison about me. She said I thought I knew everything and that I "acted superior". WHAT A LAUGH! To make a long story short, she made sure that every preceptor thereafter assigned to me would come with a prejudgement about my person. Alot of "stuff" went on, particularly with this original preceptor who finally made sure, together with my DON, that I got fired. But really from the first day on the job, I was warned about this unit. Everything that was said about this unit - particularly the lack of discipline and collaborative spirit of the nurses- was definitely confirmed. I tried to hang in there, because I was so excited about the job, and after all the abuse, I still had good intentions and showed good will to all the nurses (I ignored the ones that wouldn't even acknowledge my presence). So without taking into account my side of the story, my DON slapped 1 Employee Disciplinary Actionon me and I was terminated for Unprofessional Conduct. So I was suspended pending an investigation. I was not able to see the evidence (which I know would be founded on lies)of the "investigation".

OK ...here's the conflicting part which I would like your opinion on. I ask myself, what did you learn from this experience? Well, first, I learned that I have had some really bad preceptoring experience. In trying to be fair to all involved, I did a self-examination and even asked people who know me well is there something in me that triggers this reaction from all my preceptors and 1 teacher in nursing school? Well, I know that I am a very enthusiastic person and I demonstrate it with warmth and smiles and comraderie. When someone is explaining something to me,if I am familiar or know the subject matter, I say I know and try to move on with the conversation. I have also learned that in a team or in relationships I have to respect boundaries (this is something I just became aware of about myself. Boundaries...how liberating! For instance i someone in the "team" does not like enthusiasm to be pushed on them...don't do it! Everyone has different personalities and it's not about me and them! Wow, what a concept! Now with regard to being enthusiastic, asking questions some people interpret that as a good quality. I personally like that in others as well. It shows interest in learning, assertiveness and lack of fear. Unfortunately, the nurses on my floor interpreted this quality as "showing off" and "acting superior". Very, very weird but, I have now learned that"it is what it is".

Nevertheless, I went to an interview today and will be going to another one next Monday. After I completed the interview today, I felt so good that I was moved to call my prior DON and apologize to her and to the rest of the nurses on the floor. I thought to myself, inspite of everything that happened, I learned skills and about teamwork from everyone of those nurses. I've learned things about myself that I didn't realize before to make me successful in relationships of all times- and i'm a better person thanks to them. I really wanted to call my DON and tell her and thank her and all the nurses. I wanted to tell her that by faith I am going to say yes to having my prospective employer call her and, that I don't expect her to sing praises of me, but if she would be gracious enough to just say what she always saif to me - you have potential.

Follow me on this, it's amazing, but it's not justifying the attitude of the other nurses (there is certainly room for improvement there-wether they acknowledge that or not)but, they have made me a better person and a more skilled newbie.

Don't get me wrong, I don't need the reference because HR will just be calling the other HR and will be given dates of employment only. But still, I feel like I want to be at peace with the nursing community. I am a peacemaker by nature.

What do the DON's out there say, I obviously experienced growth from the situation, should I verbally acknowledge them or just move on. After all, on the other hand-business is business and since a disciplinary action was taken (but not to my license or anything like that) I was told by legal counsel not to accept fault. By making the phone call, I would be accepting fault (if only to a degree)-if you coldly look at it. The DON could save the message and have HR listen to it and say see, she admitted fault! However, I don't think she is that cold-hearted. What does the allnurses.com community have to say?

Looking forward to your responses :redbeathe:yeah:

[h2ogoddess]

You say you have learned from all the stuff you have gone through.

I say take what you need and let it go at that-if your former co-workers are that rotten-it will not mean anything to them.

Just let it go!

[Valerie Salva, BSN, RN]

Don't call- move on.

[caliotter3]

It is best to let sleeping dogs lie. Your call might have a derogatory effect, you don't know otherwise. Things should have been ironed out at the time of your departure in an exit interview. Concentrate on what you have done to correct any of your shortcomings and in preparing yourself to prevent future occurrences of past events.