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i have a confession...i like codes, ok, i love codes.
i don't like that i like them, because, i know it means a human being is in big trouble. but my heart gets pumping, pin point pupils, adrenaline racing, my entire being focuses intesely on the moment....just thinking about it gets me excited.
even when they are over, the after glow keeps me going for hours. sometimes when the floor gets slow, i "almost" want a code.
my moral compass tells me this is wrong. i should not "want" a human to code. but i know they will, and the hospital is the safest place on earth for it to happen, and i want to be there when it happens.
does any body else feel this way??
i should also point out....i get very anxious and nervous when pt's expire. and aftercare makes me shake for about a day or two. i don't like death.
any meaningful comment would be appreciated.