Life after IPN…..

[catsmeow1972, BSN, RN]

Hi all, I have not been on this site in quite some time as my 'sentence' in IPN ended a bit over 4 years ago. I chose to pull back from being here so often as I thought it important to get on with my life and not wallow in the unfairness and abuse I was subjected to. Periodically, I see comments on things I said in my time in the program (lands in my email inbox) and sadly I see that little has changed. These programs still appear to be an unethical, conflict of interest filled method of squeezing money out of nurses who ask for/need help. That really saddens me.

I did think I'd pop in to try to let folks know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it isn't an oncoming train. I finished in August of 2019, having thankfully landed a job that saw me as an asset with specialized skills that they wanted for the unit.

My ending was very anticlimactic but that was okay. It took me some time to stop waking up at 4am to check if I got a piss test order. It took me some time to be okay with not having to worry about how much water I drank. The first time I got sick enough to require prescription medication, I had to remind myself that I did not need to ask permission from some faceless 'case manager' to treat my illness. I did not need to wait until I had pneumonia to seek treatment. I sought help from these people for a mental health issue and I was treated like a person with SUD. In the entire 6 years, I never understood the point of forced attendance at 12 step meetings. Anonymous, my tuchas.

Since I shed the shackles of that nightmare, I have moved on professionally to return to the first facility that I ever worked at as a nurse and that I have always regretted leaving. I love my job and work for an awesome organization. In the interim, I was able to do a few travel contracts. I did have to supply some documentation proving that IPN was a blip on the radar of my past. Other than that, no one cared that I'd once been in that awful thing. I rode the tail end of the Covid thing and was able to bank enough only to buy my first home this past Summer.

Not all has been sunshine and daisies though. I've had a few falls and injuries that have required extended use of pain medication and I was so very thankful that my treatment plan was between me and my doctors and not that horrible program. 
So, thinking about the last 4 years of being free if them, I have a great therapist, my psych meds are on a good regimen and my stress levels are low compared to while I was in that pathetic excuse for a monitoring program.
At the start, the 5 year sentence seemed like forever. I was able to slip into a routine. I followed that dumb so-called contract to the letter. I got past being scared of them, progressed to angry then to revulsion at what I saw done to others and myself under the guise of 'help.’ I never needed their 'help' and the progress I've made has been in spite of them.

To those just starting this journey, it does end. Follow their rules no matter how ridiculous and play their game. Fly under the radar and do what YOU need to do to maintain your mental health, your sobriety or whatever brought you into the clutches of these things. You got this!!
To those nearing the end, congratulations and keep up the good work on yourself, be it mental health or your sobriety. Get to the finish line and get back to living your life.

We are all survivors of a terrible, unhelpful and downright abusive cluster you-know-what of an unethical scheme to part needy nurses from their cash, their career be ******.  We are a strong, stubborn bunch and we have every right to be proud of ourselves for overcoming, not only what ever brought us here, be it SUD or mental health issues but also the abuse that these programs mete out, willfully ignorant of the damage they do under the guise of 'help.’

There is life after monitoring programs and I am walking proof of that. Y'all stay strong and get to the finish line.

[hppygr8ful, ASN, RN, EMT-I]

Hey @catsmeow1972

Glad to hear/Read you are doing well. I have been out for some time and am working on living my best life, even though I have been Diagnosed with three Autoimmune disorders (Two of them quite painful) since those days. It didn't help that Shortly after my release I started having panic attacks that my mental health practioner misdiagnosed as PTSD. After seeking several consults one at  UCLA school of medicine I was ultimately diagnosed and am now under treatment for Complex Post Traumatic Syndrome. It turns out that childhood trauma is the gift that keeps on giving.

Doing fairly good now. Working on a nurse owned business and possibly early retirement if the business takes off. 

I would confirm that in order to get through these programs you have to just acquiesce because they will keep at you until you have no fight left. I could walk into a DEC meeting and quote AA, Promises and traditions, and absolute helpfulness in fighting this diaease on my own. It kept them happy and got me into transition about 9 months earlier than the norm.

Again I am happy you are on the track tp wellness and happiness!

Hppy