Life after IPN…..

[catsmeow1972, BSN, RN]

Hi all, I have not been on this site in quite some time as my 'sentence' in IPN ended a bit over 4 years ago. I chose to pull back from being here so often as I thought it important to get on with my life and not wallow in the unfairness and abuse I was subjected to. Periodically, I see comments on things I said in my time in the program (lands in my email inbox) and sadly I see that little has changed. These programs still appear to be an unethical, conflict of interest filled method of squeezing money out of nurses who ask for/need help. That really saddens me.

I did think I'd pop in to try to let folks know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it isn't an oncoming train. I finished in August of 2019, having thankfully landed a job that saw me as an asset with specialized skills that they wanted for the unit.

My ending was very anticlimactic but that was okay. It took me some time to stop waking up at 4am to check if I got a piss test order. It took me some time to be okay with not having to worry about how much water I drank. The first time I got sick enough to require prescription medication, I had to remind myself that I did not need to ask permission from some faceless 'case manager' to treat my illness. I did not need to wait until I had pneumonia to seek treatment. I sought help from these people for a mental health issue and I was treated like a person with SUD. In the entire 6 years, I never understood the point of forced attendance at 12 step meetings. Anonymous, my tuchas.

Since I shed the shackles of that nightmare, I have moved on professionally to return to the first facility that I ever worked at as a nurse and that I have always regretted leaving. I love my job and work for an awesome organization. In the interim, I was able to do a few travel contracts. I did have to supply some documentation proving that IPN was a blip on the radar of my past. Other than that, no one cared that I'd once been in that awful thing. I rode the tail end of the Covid thing and was able to bank enough only to buy my first home this past Summer.

Not all has been sunshine and daisies though. I've had a few falls and injuries that have required extended use of pain medication and I was so very thankful that my treatment plan was between me and my doctors and not that horrible program. 
So, thinking about the last 4 years of being free if them, I have a great therapist, my psych meds are on a good regimen and my stress levels are low compared to while I was in that pathetic excuse for a monitoring program.
At the start, the 5 year sentence seemed like forever. I was able to slip into a routine. I followed that dumb so-called contract to the letter. I got past being scared of them, progressed to angry then to revulsion at what I saw done to others and myself under the guise of 'help.’ I never needed their 'help' and the progress I've made has been in spite of them.

To those just starting this journey, it does end. Follow their rules no matter how ridiculous and play their game. Fly under the radar and do what YOU need to do to maintain your mental health, your sobriety or whatever brought you into the clutches of these things. You got this!!
To those nearing the end, congratulations and keep up the good work on yourself, be it mental health or your sobriety. Get to the finish line and get back to living your life.

We are all survivors of a terrible, unhelpful and downright abusive cluster you-know-what of an unethical scheme to part needy nurses from their cash, their career be ******.  We are a strong, stubborn bunch and we have every right to be proud of ourselves for overcoming, not only what ever brought us here, be it SUD or mental health issues but also the abuse that these programs mete out, willfully ignorant of the damage they do under the guise of 'help.’

There is life after monitoring programs and I am walking proof of that. Y'all stay strong and get to the finish line.

[hppygr8ful, ASN, RN, EMT-I]

Hey @catsmeow1972

Glad to hear/Read you are doing well. I have been out for some time and am working on living my best life, even though I have been Diagnosed with three Autoimmune disorders (Two of them quite painful) since those days. It didn't help that Shortly after my release I started having panic attacks that my mental health practioner misdiagnosed as PTSD. After seeking several consults one at  UCLA school of medicine I was ultimately diagnosed and am now under treatment for Complex Post Traumatic Syndrome. It turns out that childhood trauma is the gift that keeps on giving.

Doing fairly good now. Working on a nurse owned business and possibly early retirement if the business takes off. 

I would confirm that in order to get through these programs you have to just acquiesce because they will keep at you until you have no fight left. I could walk into a DEC meeting and quote AA, Promises and traditions, and absolute helpfulness in fighting this diaease on my own. It kept them happy and got me into transition about 9 months earlier than the norm.

Again I am happy you are on the track tp wellness and happiness!

Hppy

[learnfromthis, BSN, RN]

You said it sister!!  *** them!! Lo

[Steven Thompson]

Thanks for the kind words and encouragement. I agree with your post, but I will add a couple of things. Most nurses in monitoring programs put themselves in the program based on our own actions. As for mandatory 12 step meetings, the recovery/relapse data shows recovery meeting attendance is the biggest relapse predictor of any single factor in recovery and that includes family death divorce, marriage moving jobs, health issues. Recovery meeting attendance is tried and true regarding the data and decreasing relapse risk and this is why most states require it.

Where is the corruption? The corruption rests in Boards charging ridiculous fees and extra charges for monitoring programs and many boards even requiring nurses to attend recovery type meetings that are within that state that are Board approved and ones that require a monthly fee. That's where the corruption is. Additionally, stringent drug testing for things like antihistamines is laughable and corrupt and punitive in nature and for many people, an antihistamine early in the course of illness could be the difference in pneumonia versus a simple cold that goes away and doesn't progress. 

[catsmeow1972, BSN, RN]

I do understand the point of the 12 step meetings for those in for SUD. Me, I self reported over a mental health issue. In my state, they treat everyone like an addict fixing to relapse. They forced me through a drug rehab thing (don't get me started on the fact that IPN forces you to use THIER selected evaluators and programs) that I did not even realize was such a thing until I'd been there a few days. I'd been told it was a 'multi-day neuropsychiatric evaluation.’ The 4th nurse support group (I kept changing because I was needing to move for jobs. Had to go where I could get one.) was actually an online thing that was focused on mental health. That was the ONLY acknowledgement that I was not in for SUD. In fact that experience gave me a diagnosis of PTSD to add to everything else. It took a while for me to not feel conspicuous walking down the beer aisle at the grocery store. Never mind that I think beer is gross and the other side of the aisle was the frozen pizza.
I and my anxiety suffered through the 12 step meetings, getting nothing out of them and not understanding why I was even there. My therapist recommended that that stipulation be removed from my contract. They ignored that completely. Individualized, my tuchas. I may or may not have completely forged that meeting record for a chunk of the time. That is between me and my 'higher power.’

I realize that for some those meetings are a lifesaver and that is great. The fact that these programs use forced attendance as a requirement is an insult to those who are there voluntarily. I feel the same about people being mandated by the courts to be there. 
Out of respect for those who depend on 12 step credo to stay sober/clean, I will not expand on my personal thoughts of the whole 'insert issue here' anonymous thing. I will say that I am not it's biggest fan but that is likely because I've never had an issue with addiction.

[Nursinggirl17]

Thank you so much for this. I am one of the ones that are near the end. 5 months left. SO ready to get my life back. 🙂