kids and being Nurse

crackerjack · Jul 22, 2006

I'm a new grad ---:balloons:passed boards 6/30 :biggringi---with 3 children ages 22, 15 and 13. My 13yo has multiple health issues and thus requires much care and trips to specialists on a weekly basis. I managed to gain employment through a local hospital with a position in the OR. I do not have family local (1.5 hrs away is the closest) and my 22yo dtr works full time while going to school full time so she is unable to help on a consistent basis-she helps out maybe once a month with something that throws me a curve ball. If my children were younger I'm not sure how I would handle things and at the ages they are, it is still challenging because the 13yo (one dx is autism) is unable to function well on his own and doesnt' take instruction well from the 15yo. However, over the years while I was in nursing school I've had to gradually **rip** let go**hear the velcro ripping yet? :monkeydance:LOL**and teach them some skills for surviving on their own for short periods that have gradually gotten longer, out of necessity. This summer my 13yo was once again in summer school so it was up to the 15yo to get him up and out the door to catch the bus.

It definitely has had some problems and out and out didn't happen a few times but the kinks have been worked out and mr 13 has a new *routine* in his repertoire that will help us transition to the school year this fall. I was forced to utilize this option as I was surprised to learn that day care centers in my state don't take children over 12yo. I found a private party who sits for $10/hr and couldn't locate any teens. $10/hr is a bit steep for a new grad pay rate!! I'd have been unable to pay her after uncle sam took his chunk :uhoh3:

Working 630-300 however has its perks even if I can't find early am day care at a reasonable rate. If I can find someone to be on call in case mr 13 gets hung up in an unmovable rut, we'll be rolling. Otherwise I get to be home shortly after they are home and we can make his appointments, I can see my kids when they're home, attetnd evening functions as needed, etc. Now, when I'm past orientation come January and I have to take call, that's going to be more of a challenge. We're currently sitting at one early weekday call, one late weekday call per week and one weekend every 3 weeks. That's a lot of call for which I don't really have much of a plan other than to work with the scheduler on securing a weekend each month when my kids are at their dad's so I don't have to worry about them being by themselves all weekend. I could feasibly request specific days/wk to work the early and late calls so I could manage to keep the weekly appointments for my 13yo as needed.

I'm sorry, I'm rambling here. I guess my point is that I understand how difficult it can be to keep family life and a full time job at the same time and deal with child care challenges. I don't think I'm giving you any help at all, just an understanding shoulder It can be really hard to do and I've yet to decide if the myth of nursing being a flexible, family friendly career is true or a facade. I know lots of the gals on my unit have challenges with child care as well but personally I'd rather deal with this set of issues over finding evening/night child care all the time.

I hope you're able to find a happy medium...or at least the lesser of all the evils.

Almabella · Jul 22, 2006

I think that if your husband doesn't mind not seeing much of you, the weekends only idea is perfect. There are lots of places that are desperate for weekend nurses. You should have no problem finding a job.

My husband works 9-5 M-F, and if I do find a w/e position, that means I'd be with him and the baby every weeknight. Also, I was thinking that his w/e time alone with the baby would be good for daddy/baby bonding (something I think many men never do). I really don't want to use daycare because it's soooo expensive and I'm not the most trusting person. Maybe it's crazy, but this is what I've been thinking.

MIA-RN1, RN · Jul 22, 2006

My husband works 9-5 M-F, and if I do find a w/e position, that means I'd be with him and the baby every weeknight. Also, I was thinking that his w/e time alone with the baby would be good for daddy/baby bonding (something I think many men never do). I really don't want to use daycare because it's soooo expensive and I'm not the most trusting person. Maybe it's crazy, but this is what I've been thinking.

Before I was a nurse I worked weekends and hubby was home w/ the kids and it really worked out great. Defintiely a do-able option if you can find the job. :)

HisTreasure, BSN, RN · Jul 22, 2006

Child care is definitely an issue and I have been following this thread closely. I am not a single mother, thank G-d, but I often feel like one. LOL. My hubby works retail telecommunications so his hours vary on a daily basis. One week is mostly "closing" working a 12:30-9:30 shift, but he may have an "opening" shift thrown in randomly which is 8-5. Some weeks it's the opposite, and sometimes he has a really strange 10-7 shift... As you can see, I can't find a job that accomodates his schedule because it's just crazy.

This is a big problem because we have four children. Young children: 4,3,2, and 2 wks., 5 days old. I am blessed that I was able to enroll my older two in a free preschool program our city offers, but my younger two are in limbo. My 2 year old will be 3 in November and will be eligible for the program then, but until then I don't know what I will do with him. My new baby may be eligible for early head start, but that is only if space allows and there is still three weeks before I can officially start the enrollment process. Byt then the few spots they have may be filled...

I am now looking for a day position. I am looking only at agency because I want to self schedule. I have an interview with a company that staffs the school district with nurses, and I would love that because I would be home to get the kids on the bus in the morning and they would only need a few hours a week after care. My other alternative is working a private duty case which pays much more but I would be forced to pay more for aftercare, and I would have to rely on hubby to get 3 children on the bus 5 days a week. He is NOT a morning person! Finally, I could look for a night position, which would afford me the luxury of getting the kids on the bus and sleeping while they are in school- possibly foregoing the need to enroll the younger two in any programs-but I am an exclusively breastfeeding mother and my baby wakes twice during the NOC. Dad, while a big help on his two days off (between the hours of 10AM-10PM) does not win my vote of confidence for waking up when the baby stirs. As I previously said, I feel like a single mother!

Sorry to be so long-winded. That's just my way. I will continue to monitor this thread for more inspiration and ideas...

catlady, BSN, RN · Jul 22, 2006

This is a big problem because we have four children. Young children: 4,3,2, and 2 wks., 5 days old.
Dad, while a big help on his two days off (between the hours of 10AM-10PM) does not win my vote of confidence for waking up when the baby stirs. As I previously said, I feel like a single mother!

Dad was awake for the baby-making; he needs to roust himself for the baby-diapering. As an actual single mother who never had anyone with whom to share the responsibility, I would have no patience with a caregiver in the home who could only be bothered to do what they felt like doing. Too many dads think they're "helping out" when it is actually just as much their responsibility as mom's.

24 with four kids? My mother was 24 when she had me, and I was the fourth. She didn't tolerate it well. Then when I finally got off to kindergarten, she got pregnant with my kid brother. She also worked. Those were the days when it was beneath men to take part in the daily care of their own children.

I wish you well.

country mom · Jul 24, 2006

Want to know what to do? PRAY! My hubbie is a truck driver and is home about one evening a week. He's self-employed and I have to work so we can have health insurance. I have a job schedule that works and a terrific child care provider who is more than a babysitter, she's a second mom to my kids. How did this happen? I prayed! Turn it over to God and then see what happens. With faith and trust, so many times what I thought was a hopeless situation has turned around with better results than I could have imagined.

weekend warrior, BSN, RN · Jul 24, 2006

There is no way that I would be able to work fulltime that's for sure. So I work part time, do every other weekend and the nights that I do work throughout the week , my husband can stay home in the morning while I sleep for a few hours . Sometimes he has a meeting and has to go in, and I suffer.

It sucks. But that's how we're doing it, it's not that bad though. But I wish I had my weekends free all the time though to be with the family.

It's interesting to read that everyone is having the same problem, I am from Canada and I wondered if the US hospitals were a bit more progressive with day care for their staff.. .It looks like not.

You know, if they really want to help the nursing shortage, they need to address this issue and stop being so cheap! Other companies have daycare for their employees. We are expected to give family centered care but their staff's families are not respected . Sometimes it seems it's all about the bottom line for management.. ( $$$$)

HisTreasure, BSN, RN · Jul 24, 2006

Want to know what to do? PRAY! With faith and trust, so many times what I thought was a hopeless situation has turned around with better results than I could have imagined.

:yelclap::yeahthat: Yeah, Baby! Prayer changes things! With faith the size of a mustard seed we can move mountains. I am not stressing the child care, it will all work out. It always does.

HisTreasure, BSN, RN · Jul 24, 2006

Dad was awake for the baby-making; he needs to roust himself for the baby-diapering. As an actual single mother who never had anyone with whom to share the responsibility, I would have no patience with a caregiver in the home who could only be bothered to do what they felt like doing. Too many dads think they're "helping out" when it is actually just as much their responsibility as mom's.

:monkeydance: I agree with the above statement. With a husband 17 years my senior I often attribute his lack of help to being too old and fragile :lol2: ! No, seriously, he does help some, but he could definitely help a lot more!!!!! As for being 24 with four, the middle two came as a surprise, BC and all- and number 4 was a welcome grand finale. Have them all at once while I'm young so I can pursue the remainder of my education and my career. It does get tiresome sometimes (especially when stressing about things like child care and work schedules) but I am blessed and wouldn't have it any other way. I'm still young enough to play! :monkeydance:

nursecher · Jul 25, 2006

I am going to school part time currently for pre-req's and co-req's and will start the program full time in January. I have a son that will be 5 then, and a daughter that will be 2 1/2. I don't feel AS guilty putting them in daycare because they are at the ages that they enjoy other children, but there is still that worry.

I honestly don't know how it is going to work, and I am still trying to figure it out. My DH is very good with the kids and helps out a ton so I am very fortunate there. He has to leave the house at 5:20 AM to be at work at 6:00AM and gets off at 2:30PM. When I was at my interiew, they said school starts at 8:00AM 3 days a week, and 6:30 AM the other 2 days for clinicals. My worry is finding a daycare that takes kids at 5:45-6:00AM. Plus I want to find one in my school district so my son can remain in preschool 1/2 day. It is definitely going to be a big change for all of us. I just keep telling myself it is only for 16 months and then it is over!

Once I graduate, I plan on working weekends and/or nights. It seems those are the less desirable shifts anyway. And if I work three 12 hour shifts that will give me the rest of the week for my family. :) I have also heard that hospitals in my area have shifts where you work 12 hours on Sat. and 12 hours on Sun. and are considered full time and receive your benefits. That would suck to do long term, but while the kids are young it is an option.

In all I think every Mom does what is best for her family and situation. I don't think Nurses have scheduling conflicts that are any worse than any other working Mom. At the end of the week, full time still adds up to 36-40 hours away from your babies no matter what the profession.

Great Job and Good Luck to every working Mom.

NurseWi_JennJenn · Jul 25, 2006

I'm a full time mother and a part-time nurse. I graduated this past decemeber and I'm basically at the bottom of the totem poll at my job. It's self scheduling, but basically if there is a hole in the schedule, I get my hours that I wanted, switched to what they need...and that's fine and understandable. This is why I chose to only work 40 hours every 2 weeks... just enough to get benefits. I also didn't want to work 12 hour shifts, but am working 2 12's (7pm-7am) and than on my weekend I work 2 (11p-7a) shifts...I know that as I get more experience and move higher up on the totem pole, I'll be able to get more preferred shifts!!

For me, nothing is more important than my two little girls...and family! Being a nurse comes next

betmic2002 · Jul 25, 2006

I used to work 3/12hrs a week. 7pm -7am. Then after kids, I work only 24hrs/month. I realized that even if i did continue the 12 hour schedule, I was too tired to cherish my time with my kids. I am fortunate though, that I did not and do not have to work. I work to keep my license active and keep up with nursing. I sometimes do feel the urge to improve my nursing skills ie: different unit, hours, field. But right now, I feel as if my first job is as a mother. Not a nurse. Of course, when they go to school full time, it will be a different story.