Just wondering - How does this cover letter look?

Jackfackmasta, ASN, RN · Oct 7, 2011

I wouldn't put the words "I believe." It comes off as if you don't have full confidence in yourself. Something like "I will" or " I am" is more confident.

Overall I think the cover letter is very generic like you have seen it before. Find what makes you stand out above everyone else and really emphasize that.

I understand the stress of applying. I am applying to internships soon and in my cover letter I emphasized my ACLS, PALS, AACN membership and CEU contacts along with my ED work experience and volunteer work. I didn't list it as that but I worked that in my resume and related that to the hospitals mission goal. One of the hospitals I'm applying to has a mission to serve the poor and underserved so I worded my volunteer experience in serving the poor and undeserved.

Overall I'd focus on what makes you stand out above others (think about it), somehow work part of the hospitals mission/values into the cover letter and show confidence by deleting the " I believe." Again, I'm a nursing student but have received praised on my cover letter after adjusting it with critique. Maybe a nurse manager/director can tell you more what they are looking for because I don't know

LaughingRN · Oct 7, 2011

I think it is a good cover letter

These are my three thoughts

1.You should take out this part..."I am a June 2011 Registered Nurse graduate"

There is no such thing as a Registered Nurse graduate. You can be a diploma graduate, BSN graduate, Nursing graduate etc.....or you can graduate school and not ever become registered! Your very next line clarifies that you are registered so it is redundant anyhow.

2. If I were you, in this economy of hard times to find a job, I would not post your cover letter online for every other new grad with a writer's block to copy and paste. You do want to stand out and be unique....now millions have access to a well written letter, hopefully you won't have to compete with your own work...

3. Cover letters aren't the end all. Graduated in 09, worked 10 months at my first job (clinic), started looking again and, at the advice of a few*, never used a single cover letter the second time around. I received 4 offers in the first month..all (different) hospital positions.

Guess my resume and online applications spoke for themselves!

*I've heard rumor that cover letters are hopelessly all generic sounding and useless, and are sometimes not even read YMMV

nurseypoo87 · Oct 7, 2011

ahh one refers to it as generic... and the other " well written letter" (hopefully referring to my cover letter) lol and omg, I never even thought about that. someone using my cover letter ....... another stressor

but Thank you both for your input- I'll make some much needed changes

Jolie, BSN · Oct 7, 2011

As a teaching facility with the commitment to excellence in nursing care, I believe that I can fill the position well due to my education, clinical experience, and professional sincerity.

This is awkwardly worded. As it is written, it actually states that YOU are a teaching facility. It would read more smoothly if you wrote something like this, "My education, clinical experience and professionalism will enable me to succeed in a teaching facility with a commitment to excellence in nursing.

As you can see in my resume, I am a June 2011 Registered Nurse graduate fromXXXXX and am currently registered with the College of Nurses of Ontario.

This is redundant. If s/he can see in on your resume, there is no need to restate it here.

During my academic years, I have gained clinical experience in medicine, surgery, rehab, long-term care and psychiatry. I completed my Pre-grad clinical rotation in the express unit at the xxxxxxx hospital. Working in such a fast paced unit, I have learned to adapt quickly, work under pressure, manage busy patients, provide patient and family teaching, and perform various critical assessments, all of which I believe would also be applicable in a complex continuing care setting.

This paragraph is written in both the present tense (I have gained...) and past tense (I completed...) Pick one. It is distracting trying to figure out whether you are still experiencing your academic years, or whether that is in the past.

These skills, coupled with my compassion, patience, patient advocacy, willingness to learn and on-going educational development, I am confident would make me a great fit at XXXXX hospital.

This sentence is a combination of 2 fragments and is awkward to read. It can be re-worded to state, " I am confident that these skills, coupled with my compassion...will make me a great fit..."

Does your university offer a resume review service? You may find that helpful. Good luck.

joanna73, BSN, RN · Oct 7, 2011

Was there anything in particular about any of your placements that you really enjoyed or excelled in? For example, when I was a student, I had a community placement where the focus was advocating for healthy child development. I worked with the main food bank and a community garden to bring awareness to that particular community re: food security.

Find something that makes you stand out. Your cover letter is very generic and fragmented.

nurseypoo87 · Oct 7, 2011

this is becomming really frustrating. I didn't think my cover letter was that bad.

I've added in my experience from my pre grad clinical rotation (skills/qualifications on the job post)...... I guess I could say "I love so and so"?

what are they expecting some personal novel?

I hear different thing after different thing about how a cover letter should be done.

I've seen way more "generic" cover letters on here... with people replying and giving them praise. So, it's just becoming really confusing and extremely frustrating :confused:

joanna73, BSN, RN · Oct 7, 2011

You posted your cover letter here for feedback and constructive criticism. People have been giving you that. In the end, your goal is to stand out and get the job. If you want more of an edge, you will need to make your letter more unique, and clean up your grammar. The market is extremely competitive, so employers will be picky.

Jolie, BSN · Oct 7, 2011

nurseypoo87,

I am not trying to be harsh, but you asked for comments.

I hire people for a living (in a different field), and used to be a nurse manager. When I read resumes and cover letters, I am looking for clear, concise communication that demonstrates a good command of the English language.

If I get something over-cluttered, over-stated, confusing or poorly written, I toss it.

That may not be fair in the eyes of a candidate, but my time is limited and if a candidate can't "get it right" when s/he is sitting home in front of a computer with all the time in the world to rewrite and revise, I have little confidence that s/he will "get it right" under the pressure of an interview or in a tense work situation.

Attention to detail is critical in nursing (and my new field) and this is one easy way to evaluate that before ever meeting a candidate.

In all honesty, I see so many resumes, cover letters and applications with poor grammar and spelling that I'm thrilled when I get a "clean" one, and almost always call that candidate. I'm really not looking for razzle-dazzle, just something written with the greatest attention to detail.

Someone with a background in writing could help you to word things more clearly.

nurseypoo87 · Oct 7, 2011

yeah, I understand that. I guess I just got a little overwelmed.

I've gotten someone to help me tweak it and etc.

I appreciate your feedback

thank you both

green217 · Oct 8, 2011

dear xxxx:

i am writing in response to your posting on the xxxxxx website for the part-time registered nurse position on(delete on and change to for) the complex continuing care unit. as a teaching facility with the commitment to excellence in nursing care, i believe that i can fill the position well due to my education, clinical experience, and professional sincerity. (agree with the comment above; it sound like you are the teaching facility. "i can fill the position....---get to the point. don't say education because it's already on your resume. instead of saying i have clinical experience... tell me right away what nursing units you've worked in and tell me what skills you have to offer. ideally you should write the skills that match the required skills in the job advertisement.

as you can see in my resume, i am a june 2011 registered nurse graduate fromxxxxx and am currently registered with the college of nurses of ontario. (delete this paragraph)

during my academic years, i have gained clinical experience in medicine, surgery, rehab, long-term care and psychiatry. i completed my pre-grad clinical rotation in the express unit at the xxxxxxx hospital. working in such a fast paced unit, i have learned to adapt quickly, work under pressure, manage busy patients, provide patient and family teaching, and perform various critical assessments, all of which i believe would also be applicable in a complex continuing care setting. these skills, coupled with my compassion, patience, patient advocacy, willingness to learn and on-going educational development, i am confident would make me a great fit at xxxxx hospital. (i honestly ended up skimming instead of reading each and every word. as a result, your skills didn't stand out in my mind. it's competitive out there. you have to find a way to capture people attention. "my work in long term care taught me how to function efficiently and delegate work to other staff. my work in psychiatry taught me how to be a good listener and enhanced my observation/assessment skills. etc. etc."

i would be honoured and excited to be a part of your team and contribute my skills to your health care staff and patients. i am looking forward to hearing from you. i can be reached at xxx xxx xxxx or by email at: ( ). thank you for your attention and consideration in this exciting opportunity. (because i have worked in various settings, i have a clear picture of what i want. i know that i will be a good fit for your organization, etc etc.