just a little question...

suebird3 · Jul 29, 2006

this situation has happened to me also. it is hard to "not play favourites", but it will happen. always remember that you made a difference in her life, and keep her memory alive in yours. :)

suebird

stressedout1 · Jul 29, 2006

how do you start a new thread to ask questions??? sorry comp stupid..lol

TazziRN, RN · Jul 29, 2006

Stressed, go to the main page of thread topics. At the top there is a small prompt that says "New Thread". Just click on that and start typing.

As for having favorites, anyone who claims not to have favorites is lying through the proverbial teeth. When you're with people on a regular basis, you become close to some, friendly with others, and can't stand the rest. It's part of being human. The hard part is keeping your professionalism with those you dislike.

stressedout1 · Jul 29, 2006

thanks tazzi

Altra, BSN, RN · Jul 29, 2006

Moose, allow yourself a private moment to cry, if you need to, to reflect on this person who obviously made an impression on you.

It's very hard -- I remember the first time I lost a patient as a student nurse. Bizarre details of the patient, family & even the room stayed with me for a while.

It does get somewhat easier, and I'll tell you why this is a good thing. As you adapt to being familiar with the dying process it will be less of an overwhelming experience for you and you'll have more inner resources to focus on the patient & the family to ease them through the process. But there will always be days when the loss of a patient, expected or unexpected, just knocks the wind out of you temporarily.

Do not ever feel weak or as though you need to apologize for having opened your heart enough to allow yourself a connection with another human being - the experience has enriched both of you.

Hugs. :icon_hug:

jb2u, ASN, RN · Jul 30, 2006

hello all. i'm kindof new here. i'm a nursing student and currently a cna-med-tech at an assisted living faculty. i have been a cna for a year and a med-tech for 4 months. i have a small question for everyone...how do you keep your distance from residents/patients? what i mean is not having favorites? i just had a resident die yesterday and over the 3 months she was at my faculty we got real close and now i'm hurting, wanting to cry all the time but i know she is at peace. i'm grieving all by my self here at home and trying my darnest not to cry but it's hard...i know i sound like a baby but...

moosenurse aka angel

first i'd like to say, "i know how you feel and it's ok." with ltc comes attachment. never stop being a caring individual. have your moment of grief, but if you feel that it becomes "out of control", then seek help.

secondly, i'd like to invite you to the cna forum here at allnurses. just click here... cna forum

sincerely,

jay

Gabie Baby · Jul 30, 2006

It's hard to keep distant from every human feeling when, after all, you are human.

If you were particularly close, you could, I think, send the family a card or even go to the funeral. I guess you should make sure this is alright with your facility first. But a lot of nurses do this with pts to whom they were especially close, such as in LTC or private duty on a long-term basis.

Agnus · Jul 30, 2006

That is one of the things I love about long term care. You actually get to know your patients/residents. And even develop some closeness.

Absolutely allow yourself to cry. Tears are cleansing. Not just figuratively but they actually cleans chemicals out that make you feel so bad.

Here is something I do. Make a ritual when someone dies. I light candles lay out flowers or someother symbol.

I like to take when availabe, a bud to symbolize birth, a partially open flower to symbolize that stage of young adult. a fully open flower to symbolize their prime. and one that is past it's prime to symbolize old age. and the seed to symbolize the cylic nature of it all. the fully mature flower give way to a new seed new life.

I lay these all out and pray, chant thier name, meditate, cry, whatever it takes to feel I have properly honnoered them and my own grief. I take as much time as needed. I talk to them in my mind. I ask questions of them of the universe. and when I am done I extinguish the candles.

Of course I have to waite until I get home to do all this. I tend to hold it in and hold myself together at work.

It is only right that you feel these things. I would worry it you did not.

CritterLover, BSN, RN · Jul 30, 2006

i just wanted to echo the others in telling you that this is ok....normal, even.

we are only human, and though we are professionals, we will find ourselves attached to certain patients/residents from time to time.

go ahead and grieve your loss, cry if you need to. remember you patient and how you touched her life, and how she touched yours in return. i worked ltc as an aide several years ago, and i still have some wonderful memories of the people i cared for there, and the life lessons they taught me. :icon_hug: