I've been working a lot, and my mother is upset?

Nurses Stress 101

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Basically this is my 2nd year in Nursing and I have enjoyed it so far. I am very proud as a Nurse and learn new things every shift. I have missed my nieces baptism, cousins graduation due to working. I have no shame in that. I. I have been working lots of overtime and such. Basically on Saturday it was my moms sisters 35th wedding anniversary and they had a party in a hall (fully vaxxed guests and masks on when not eating). I did not want to go, as I had picked up a shift for O.T. I woke up and my mom blocked my car with her car on the driveway and she refused to move it and told me "you are going to your aunts wedding party". I was so shocked she did that. I did not go and took an Uber to work. I was so angry and aggravated.  She went to tell me that these are important events that I should not miss. I don't understand I'm 25 years old, why does she think its up to her to make these decisions? Is it because I still live under her roof? Even when I don't show up to these events she will say things like "you need to be here for your family. Sometimes I am ashamed that you are my son. You should be more like your cousins (her nieces). Its annoying, its like I am a nobody.

Like one time again it was her sisters birthday. And they had a huge party (pre Covid). I did not want to go, I wanted to stay home and sleep and watch movies. She got so upset as if I did something bad, but like really the world doesn't revolve around you.

 

We have our Christmas dinner with her immediate family on Wednesday, I am boycotting the whole thing.. My mom will tell me things like to stop working overtime, or stop spending too much. I work to pay her "rent" and to buy nice things for myself, whats the issue? Then she tells me to take my vacation days on certain times, I mean its my vacation days, I will take them when I want too. It feels too much control in this household. 

CrunchRN, ADN, RN

4,530 Posts

Specializes in Clinical Research, Outpt Women's Health.

It is long past time to move out and live your own life. You need to mature and your mom needs to let go a little. It will never happen unless you make your move.

MarkMyWords

1 Article; 203 Posts

Specializes in nursing ethics.

Your mother will not change probably. Sounds like mine  Moving out will not change it because she will nag on phone or email.  call the aunt and say you wish you could have been at her party. It's the nice thing to do. Maybe your mom cares more than aunt does. One step more is to go visit her or meet for dinner. With or without your mom. Too awkward?  Then just call or text.  Give her a gift.  Mothers feel committed to family and don't understand if you don't. Did you tell her that you must work those hours?  Say it is not your choice. You need strong reasons not to go in future

Orion81RN

962 Posts

On 12/21/2021 at 6:54 AM, CrunchRN said:

It is long past time to move out and live your own life. You need to mature and your mom needs to let go a little. It will never happen unless you make your move.

Until you have experienced narcissistic abuse, you will never know what people go through. This is a narcissistic family system and OP is at home by design from the mom. It is part of the abuse, and nobody should judge people in these situations. It is way more nuanced than, “grow up, move out.” If you can’t understand that, well, empathy is both a skill you use and something you’re born with. So, ?‍♀️

Orion81RN

962 Posts

Surviving Narcissism and DrRamani are both really good Youtube channels that are great educational sources for family roles and what you are experiencing. Your mom cares that you are not there bc to her, it makes her look bad. Her nieces are conforming to the family system by being there, so during those times, you are the bad guy for not conforming and making her look bad. You don’t exist to be your whole individual person which your own life, you exist to love her, make her feel important, and look good. You having your own life doesn’t fit in with her definition of what love is. She is hurt you have your own life and can’t handle that. 

CrunchRN, ADN, RN

4,530 Posts

Specializes in Clinical Research, Outpt Women's Health.

Has the OP ever come back?

Specializes in ER, Pre-Op, PACU.

It can be difficult to live your own life/make your own decisions when still living in your parents house. Once you are in your own apartment or house, it will be easier to separate yourself from these. It’s your life - make your own decisions and then live with those. It’s a choice every adult has to make at some point in their life and part of growing up. I wish you the best.

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