This is an update to my previous post. So I was orienting in the outpatient surgery center before I was to go to my permanent home, major OR, when I had an epiphany- I don't want to work in the OR. Now don't get me wrong. I love surgery. It's the coolest thing in the world, but I was disappointed with the responsibilities of the nurse. Don't get me wrong I am not downgrading the OR nurse or anything but I just really missed the hands on approach to nursing- passing medications, giving basic care, doing physical assessments etc. I also realized that I do not have the personality that it takes to be a good circulator. I don't feel that I am assertive enough to tell someone that they have broken sterile technique. To insist to an irate doctor that the policies must be enforced, etc. I was also very disappointed with the working dynamic of the group (hostility towards one another. Doctor screaming if the procedure took 10 seconds longer than he expected it to, No patience with people who are learning). In addition, I thought that I would like the structure and order of the surgical environment but I actually found it to be hindering to my learning. I felt as if I could not touch anything- including nonsterile equipment, and I was very frustrated because I couldn't even do the simplest things, such a putting a blanket on a patient without someone telling me that I did it wrong.I was having all of these feelings coupled with the fact that there was a wrong side surgery performed during my stint as an OR nurse (I was not present in the room when it happened). Right site was marked, time out completed, Wrong limb operated on. This is the second time that this has happened in less than two years so you can imagine the level of stress and hostility present. I really had this strong feeling that this is not where I was meant to be. I was very disappointed about leaving because I really wanted it to work out but at the same time I was very relieved to go. In the month that I had been there I felt very lonely. The management was very supportive and said that I could come back at any time. I found a job on an ortho/neuro unit so that I can still be involved in some aspect of surgery, and I'm hoping to find a doctor who will let me shadow every now and then down to the OR. You guys do an awesome work in OR. I was daily in awe at how advanced medicine has become. Who knows maybe someday I will have the qualities it takes to make it in OR.