Is this normal? Need Support!!

RainDreamer, BSN, RN · Dec 5, 2007

This is totally and completely normal!!

I felt the exact same way, for many months after I was off orientation. I'd get all nervous before my shift, never knowing what to expect. Once I got in, got my assignment, and knew what the night looked like .... then I'd be ok. I'd feel a lot better too if I had a stable assignment and nothing came up (even little things, like you mentioned ..... an IV coming out, getting labs, etc).

There is really nothing I can say or suggest to make it easier. Because the only thing that will make it easier is time. You've only been on your own a few weeks. But just think about how much more comfortable you are with some things now than when you first started on orientation. Things get better a little at a time .... but it's not going to come all at once.

After I was on my own a few months things got a little better ..... then once I was on my own for about a year I felt even more comfortable. I would dread certain things (admissions, extubations, etc). My third night off orientation my kid self extubated. Dang, that's scary! But you know, he was fine and I was fine ..... everyone helped out. My first big admit was a 24 week twin that came in 3 hours before my shift was over. Again, scary! But everyone jumped in and helped out.

Also, once you get more comfortable with stuff, the more you won't dread doing it. Like I said, I used to hate when my IVs would go bad or I'd have to get labs. I LOVE start IVs now and I love drawing labs!

You say you have a very supportive staff and co-workers that are willing to help you out. That's GREAT!!!!!! I had the same thing. And I got to the point where I realized if any of the things that I dreaded were to happen ..... or if anything came up that I didn't know how to do or didn't feel comfortable with doing, what would be the worst that would happen? I'd just ask for help! It was never as bad as what I had feared.

I've been in the NICU for about a year and a half and I still have days where I get nervous before going into work. Actually, every day I'm a little nervous before going in .... but it's not like it was before. When I first started I would throw up, cry, and really dread going in. It was those days that when I'd get there I would think about quitting. That doesn't happen anymore. I like what I do and I can't imagine being anywhere else. I know what you're going through now is incredibly tough .... but please just hang in there and keep pushing forward, because each day will lead you to where you need to be. Good luck to you, I wish you all the best!

Imafloat, BSN, RN · Dec 6, 2007

When I was at the same point in my NICU career I felt the exact same way as you do. I even posted something similar. I wanted to quit so bad, but I made a vow with myself that I would give myself a year at my first job so I could be more marketable. I didn't know how I was going to do it, I dreaded work.

Now I have been a NICU nurse for a year and I am more comfortable with things. I still hate the feeling I get in my gut when something unexpected happens, but I am getting better at dealing with it. I also still dread going to work sometimes, especially when I haven't been in a few days, you never know what you are walking into.

After a year you will feel better, and you will be sharing your story with someone else who is new and anxious.

dawngloves, BSN, RN · Dec 7, 2007

Totally normal for a new nurse to feel that way. Sometimes an old timer can have a whole night go to hell because of a blown IV.

littlepeach · Dec 8, 2007

Totally Normal. The Only Way You Get Over This Is By Experience. And Even Then When You Are Feeling Really Good About Your Skills, Something Weird And Out Of The Blue Is Gonna Kick You In The Face. Eventually Even Those Times You Will Be Okay With. Just Takes A While. Good Luck.

NicuCourtney · Jan 3, 2008

I could not understand what you are saying more! I started as a new grad in a large public hospital NICU in August. I have been off training for a few weeks now and am terrified most of my shift. I too, have great coworkers who are very understanding and patient with me. My biggest fear is that I am going to extubate a kid or pull out a umbilical line. Sometimes the fear paralyzes me and I hate it!

I'm a perfectionist and this job has definetly brought out the OCD in me. I have to check my line changes 3 times before I'm confident everything is ok.

To add to my anxiety and low confidence, I had a baby in the middle of my orientation. Like you, I have given myself a year to evaluate how I feel. I wish you the best and am told often that it does get better!

NICUnrs · Jan 6, 2008

Thank you everyone for all your support, you don't know how much it means to me. I read these replies over and over again before going to work and it helps me rationalize my feelings and tell myself that I am still new and have a lot to learn and I will just do the best I can and thankfully I have a very supportive staff. Thank you again! And hopefully soon I will be able to give support and advice to new nurses and tell them my story and how I gained confidence over time.

SteveNNP, MSN, NP · Jan 7, 2008

My biggest fear is that I am going to extubate a kid or pull out a umbilical line. Sometimes the fear paralyzes me and I hate it!

Ha! I've been a NICU nurse for almost 3 years, and I did both the other night! I was working in our TN (transitional nursery- attached to L&D, all fresh admits come through it) and admitted a set of 24 wk triplets and a coarc. All 3 of the 24 wkrs were on NCPAP all night, but (of course) had to be intubated, which the MDs decided needed to be done at shift change. So in the process, a tube got displaced, required reintubation, and a UVC migrated back 2 cm.

Stuff like that happens once in a while. You just need to be careful, and act appropriately when it does hit the fan.

elizabells, BSN, RN · Jan 7, 2008

I once saw one of our most respected doctors, the one who intubates the hard cases, accidentally extubate a 23 weeker. It's not a good thing, obviously, but it happens. I had a post-op TEF yank her surgery-placed, anastomosis-holding NG tube on me. Surgery was not pleased, but nobody strung me up by my toenails or anything. People might give you some grief about it, but you can bet money every one of them has done something similar. If they haven't, karma will get them soon enough.

And YES, it gets better. I'm about a year and a half in, and every so often I get that sick feeling on the train into work, but then I get to work and a parent or even a new nurse (!) will ask me something, and I'll be halfway through a competent answer before I even realize it. That's an awesome feeling.