I've been a member of AN for a while, haven't posted for most of that time, and never thought I would be posting to the recovery section, but here I am!So, hi everyone. I'm in NJ's Recovery & Monitoring Program, which I know has gotten some heat, but for me it has honestly been a life saver. I was losing my grip on life because of my addiction to alcohol, and if I hadn't entered RAMP I don't know where I would be today. For all the complaining and hatred that I felt when I started the program, I can see today that it really did save my life.I think I kind of got lucky with RAMP. I entered about five months ago, had to inactivate my license. By the time I started with RAMP I had already entered a treatment program, so I kind of got the ball rolling a little bit early I guess. I am involved with AA, volunteer on committees and help out with events, finished my 90/90, and now I'm leading a couple meetings and go on speaking commitments because AA is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I want others to hear that. In the last five months, I've been compliant with everything, not missed a check-in, no positive screens, and by the grace of God, this past week I got both my license and my old job back. It's been a hell of a ride, and I owe it to nothing other than God and hard work. I'm not happy for the road that I took to get here, and I'm not happy for everything that I have to fix from this point forward--as a lot of you are familiar with, I really dug myself into a terrible financial hole over the last few years, and I really don't know if I see a way out even with returning to work. But I'm grateful, and I'm not afraid anymore.So, with that out of the way, I am absolutely terrified of getting a false-positive EtG. One of the nurses in my peer support group actually works in the same facility that I do, and said that she hasn't had a false positive and constantly uses the same hand sanitizer that is stocked on my units, but I just can't shake the fear. I really try to avoid using hand sanitizer at all, but you know there are just moments where there's not enough time to sing happy birthday with your hands in the sink. Of course I try not to let the fear of false-positives run my life, but I haven't been around products that could put me at risk for a false-positive until I returned to work so I guess it's a new experience, and with that a new fear.Long post, so I guess I'll cut off there. I'm really glad I found this forum, I think it's exceptionally hard to be a nurse in recovery, especially considering how our enrollment in "voluntary" monitoring programs considerably reorganizes all of our priorities. But really it's one day at a time, and I pray every day that things will get better. Thanks for taking the time to read my story.