In 4th of nursing school, but don’t like nursing what should I do? (Kind of long sorry, please don’t be mean)

[marymv3]

Hi, so I’m in my 4th year since I’m doing a BSN. I initially went into nursing since I really like the science courses I took in high school and I’m going to admit, I also chose it this career because of the money. Have always been good at math, physics, bio and chem. I took the first year courses like anatomy, physiology, Microbiology, patho physiology and pharmacology in my second year and I really liked them. For our school we started clinicals in 2nd year at a long term care facility. It was for us to learn things like how to give a bed bath, feeding, how to change briefs, and how to use mechanical lifts and transfer belts. I did not enjoy doing these things and this was when I first wanted to switch out of the program and pursue a different career. People were telling me to just stick with it since it I was still in my first semester of second year and that it might “grow on me”, and the problem is it never did. I’ve done acute care (they call med-surg in the states apparently), mental health, and community health rotations and now I am finally in my nursing leadership and management rotation in my 4th year starting Monday. In my 3rd year I actually failed my first acute care (med-surg) rotation only 4 days into the rotations. The main issue was my instructor who singled me out because of my race, I am asian by the way, and everyone in my clinical group was white. She would always nick-pick at things such as correct me on my words when I would say wash my hands and she would correct me and be like “no one has time to wash their hands all the time its called hand hygiene”. She also made comments about why I dyed my hair blonde to try to fit in with caucasian people and that its too long and I need to cut it. She accused me of neglecting my patient because a nurse on that floor offered me the opportunity to do a wound dressing on her patient and I went to go do it. There were a bunch of other things as well but I’m not going to go into it too much since this post is already so long, but most of the other members of my clinical group also had issues with her but they did recognize that our instructor kept singling me out. After she failed me, I had to go to the student advisor to get my schedule revised since they change our curriculum, added in the leadership and management rotation and took out our OB rotation, which then meant I had to do an extra year of school, so 5 years in total. I continued with my schooling and rotations and never felt that spark or passion for nursing, I was just doing them in order to get a good mark and pass. A lot of the students seemed to have this nurturing personality and genuinely loved the relationships they have created with their patients and they always share stories during post-conference at the end of our clinical shift, and I always had nothing to share because I didn’t really care, I just wanted to go home and study for other classes. I was doing my preceptorship on a cardiac surgery unit in the fall term 2020 (Sept to December) and my preceptor did not pass me, she even asked me during our zoom meeting if I liked nursing or not and that she sees my heart is not in it and its kind of sad. So I have to repeat this preceptorship in the Spring/Summer semester (May to august) after I do this leadership and management rotation from January to April. I’ve realized I don’t really love nursing and should of switched out during my very first clinical rotation I’ve ever had to save time and money. But I have two semesters left to do and the smart thing is just to finish it so at least I have a bachelor’s degree and then pursue something else. I was thinking of doing computer science, engineering, or pharmacy but I’m already 22 years old and don’t have much time left. I know I’m going to get a lot of people who are mad at the reason why I choose nursing, but believe me when I say I really wanted to love nursing, but I just didn’t. I’m literally crying as I write this because I’m so miserable, I can’t see myself doing this for 45 years. I’ve googled non-bedside nursing jobs and they all seem to need years (like 5-7 years) of experience as a bedside RN and I don’t want to put myself through that suffering just to get a job in public health or informatics. So I just need some help here on options ?

[JKL33]

I don't think it's wrong, necessarily, to finish your bachelor's degree.

But I want to caution you about "sunk cost fallacy." This is basically where you stick with something only because of what you've already invested in it, without considering the possible future losses of continuing with it.

It is where you are unwilling to "cut your losses."

Clearly understand that the fact that you've already invested in something does not, in and of itself, mean that the nature of it or your feelings about it will improve if you just see it through. Realistically, you don't "win" just by continuing to invest. You can not force that outcome through continued investment. You very well could lose more than what you've already invested; that is also a real possibility.

You are very young. If you don't have thoughts that there is something fulfilling that you could do with a BSN (including possibly using it to get into a grad school program that is more up your alley or using it in a very peripheral way), then IMO you need to cut your losses.

 

 

[SmilingBluEyes]

Maybe research would interest you?

Nursing is always in need of researchers and since you "are not necessarily nurturing" this may be up your alley.

Give it a chance. You can always go to grad school and change course.

[LC0929, ASN, RN, EMT-B]

OMG!! Does this break my heart!! ?

First of all, your instructor is a disgrace, not only as a nurse, but as a human being! I would definitely make sure someone knows about it, if not for your own satisfaction, then at least for the next batch of “victims” she’ll be laying her nastiness upon! 
Second....you are 22...you have all the time in the world!! Think back to when (if) your first love relationship failed. I can remember feeling like I was gonna die! My Mother told me that there would be many other boys in my lifetime, that I was definitely going to live and would look back someday and laugh about it.  At the time, I thought she was full of ***, but in the end she was obviously right.  This is kinda the same thing.  You had an idea, you tried it and you didn’t like it.  It’s that simple. There’s no need to try to analyze it any further.  You didn’t fail, you simply didn’t like it.  Now you grab your ***, stand up straight, hold your head high and pursue something else.  There’s no shame in that.  Like the others said, it’s better than being miserable your entire life just to prove to yourself or someone else that you can fit inside the box of “conformity” that society has built, regardless of how much money you’ve spent.  
I am 55 and I can tell you that I didn’t go to college, the first time, until I was 28.  The main reason I did, was because I was freshly divorced, with an infant to feed.  I got my first two Associates degrees in Fire Science and Fire Protection, with the intention of being a Firefighter.  Then I got really sick(Crohn’s) and THAT went in the toilet.  Fast forward 10 years.  I’m freshly divorced, with an infant, AGAIN and need a stable career.  Like you, I love science, Microbiology specifically, so I decided to become a nurse.  I loved it, but in the past 15 years things have drastically changed, not necessarily for the better either.  My girls are grown now and I am in a position to do anything I want.  I drive an old Jeep, have an old Harley, no credit cards, no payments.  I live minimally because I don’t want to HAVE to work at any job that I don’t want to.  I’m actually in the process of starting a little bakery/pub/mini-farm.  I live in NH, by the way, and have decided that I’m bowing out of the “rat race”.  My plan is to be living in a tiny house, on my own mini-farm, completely “of the grid”, within the next 2 years. Maybe at 55 years old I shouldn’t even consider this venture, but I refuse to let age play a major role in any part of my life, except my AARP discount, LOL ? 

YOU can do anything you want.  Find out what your true passion is, at least for right now because it’s always evolving, and make it happen.  I feel like COVID has been both a blessing and a curse.  The current state of the world has forced us all to slow down and regroup.  I’m grateful for that piece of this mess.  And for the record, unless you’ve set certain expectations for yourself, there are no rules that say you have to have a stable career, a spouse and 2.2 kids by the time you’re  30. Those days are long gone.  DO YOU! Stay strong! Stay safe! Everything will work out exactly as it should. ?