I NEED HELP!

Hello my fellow peers. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I used to be a LPN for just about 7 years in a skilled nursing facility. When I became an RN, I started on a med surge unit about 6 months ago. I must say medical surgical nursing is definitely not where I want to be when I think about my future in nursing. However, I felt I would try to start there in order to gain experience as an RN. Well the transition has been super challenging for 2 reasons. One reason is that I have learned, in a hospital setting, it is so different, it is as if I am learning things for the first time. This has been quite an adjustment for me but I welcome it.

The second and probably the most significant challenge is dealing with my manager. My manager is extremely knowledgeable and that I can not take away from her. But, my manager is not a very nice person to me. My first 2-3 weeks at work she barely spoke to me. Not even hello. I would say, "good morning" and smile and she would not even acknowledge my presence. For me, that set the tone. From that point on I was extremely uncomfortable to be around her. After a while, she started to speak to me but it is often in a tone that makes me feel stupid and incompetent. Even when I feel I've done the very best I could for my patient, she makes me feel like an idiot. Now, when I see her walk on the unit in the morning, I immediately get anxiety.

Yesterday. was just was the icing on the cake. I was in the middle of caring for a pt. that was in trouble. She arrived and I immediately just wanted her to go away. But of course I knew I had to deal with her for the best outcome for my patient. But throughout the whole experience she did nothing but point out things she saw that were wrong and continued to speak to me like an idiot. When things were finally starting to resolve with my patient I was so relieved because it meant I could get her out of my presence. But during the process of working out the details of getting the patient transferred, we couldn't get in touch with the unit we were transferring the patient to so I thought well let me run down there and get someone to talk to us. I honestly didn't think anything of it because there were 5 RNs at the patients bedside besides me. So in front of all of my peers she barked at me in a tone that was so disrespectful, I was completely embarrased. In that instant, I thought of my mortgage and my children and the fact that I can not allow her to get me in a place where I may end up in a position where I can not provide for them and so I took it. It was so hard to face my peers after that whole experience to finish my shift. So, with that being said, I have decided that was her very last time I will allow her to speak to me that way. NO MORE! And, I believe God knows this is it for me mentally and physically. The blessing in all this is that one of my peers she barked at me in front of was my mentor and she was very empathic to me and she comforted me after my manager left. It made me feel much better. When I got home. I received a text from my manager checking on me but I didn't respond because I couldn't lie to her and tell her I was okay because I wasn't, and I'm not sure I had anything nice to say so I didn't say anything at all.

My next steps is to apply in different areas of the hospital that are conducive to me mentally and physically. Beyond the shadow of a doubt, I need to leave. Physically and mentally, I can not be on a med surge unit. I leave work now in pain and it never stops. Does anyone know of any area of a hospital setting that is less physical than a med surg unit? And is there anyone who agrees with my exit from my current unit? Sorry this is so long. I've been dealing with it a while so I have a lot to say.