I Need the Hassle of Monitoring

[J.Adderton, BSN, MSN]

I know this topic is going to produce a wide range of reactions...... especially those that view monitoring as a burden, restrictive, unnecessary and a program of "I am waiting to get you". I get it.... I would feel the same way if I was not in recovery and was "sentenced" to monitoring without the presence of a true addiction. But I am and so are many others joining the Nurses/Recovery forum. I am an alcoholic and my disease calls me to my next drink on a daily basis. And I know my next drink will lead me (and my family) back to hell. I voluntarily reported to my board of nursing- I knew I was very sick. The required 10 weeks of inpatient extended care gave me time to learn about addiction and work on the underlying cause of my alcoholism. To pay for rehab, we actually sold two antique cars my husband restored and a sentimental gun collection. I do not hold resentment for the lose of these items..... I had lost my will to fight for myself. My monitoring contract requires me to do the things needed for me to live a joyful and peaceful life. I am so grateful for recovery and the ability to be present for my family and loved ones. Now, do I sometimes struggle with the demands of monitoring... absolutely. However, I can't live in that place for long because I need to focus on taking the next right steps each day.

[catsmeow1972, BSN, RN]

I'm one of those that will go to my grave bitter as hell at the destruction of my career, my livelihood, my financial security, my dignity and what's left of my mental health, all in varying order, all at the hands of these types of programs. I have no business being forced into years of useless whatever-anonymous meetings and appallingly overpriced drug testing. I am a good, decent, caring person and nurse whose cry for help was ignored in favor of steering me down an inappropriate dung hole of useless PTSD inducing garbage that is the current incarnation of 'monitoring.'

Having gotten that out, in spite of my horrid experience, I do, and throughout this entire nightmare, recognize the need for this sort of thing to exist. There are people who need the threat of career loss to figuratively knock it into them that they need to make some decisions. There are people that need, and do well with the structure of meetings and drug/alcohol testing and the like. There are people that need this sort of thing to force removal from practice until that decision has been made. There are people who refuse or are not ready to make those decisions that need to not be permitted to practice. The idea of a program is not a bad thing.

My arguments and frustrations lie in the one size fits all, contracts for all comers even if not appropriate, and obvious conflicts of interest. When every person who has ever breathed wrong, from a DUI prior to nursing school to a cry for help because of situational stress runs the huge risk of getting tossed into a program and treated like an addict/alcoholic that may relapse any second, there's a problem. When you get sent for an evaluation because of a concern and there is no way in Hades you are coming out without some kind of contract, with your license held hostage, even if the reason is to prove that you don't have a problem, that's a problem.

In short, these programs have sold out to the god of money. They have cast thier net too far and too wide, capturing people that do not need nor benefit from thier 'services', Too me, that disservice is twofold. First it ruins and stigmatizes those who don't need a program or at least not thier idea of a program and two: it takes resources from the people who really need the help and attention to do what they were originally established to do-provide the nurse with addiction issues a safe avenue tot return to practice. Additionally, Addiction is such a multifaceted disease. Why is it being treated with cookie cutter contracts that don't utilize the evidenced based practice that the nursing profession trumpets about every day?

My opinion is because it's not cheap, it's not convenient and above all, it's not a money maker. Like the rehab industry in general, these programs have become a money maker.

If you are of the group that needs and benefits from a program, then it's a gift. For the rest of us, it's a money and dignity sucking endless nightmare.

[TNPAPnurse]

I mostly agree with you, Catsmeow1972. I'm glad someone can look at it the way OP does, but I will forever resent this nightmare until I get out of it. I'm already weary of faking during online groups and lying to my program-approved therapist how much the program is helping me. I know I had a problem, but being forced into this money-making scheme that seems designed to be impossible to successfully finish, plus one-size-fits-all 12-step BS that I'm already sick of, is not helping me at all. I haven't used since I got caught diverting and I will never use again.

I will never be completely sober after this either; the first thing I'm going to do when I finish is go out and celebrate with a few drinks. Alcohol was never an issue for me, and I don't buy this "cross-addiction" garbage.

Good for you though, J.Adderton, for being able to make it work for you.

[SpankedInPittsburgh, DNP, RN]

I am glad this is working for you. Truly. However for me this program has done nothing good for me and has left marks on me personally and professionally that may scar over but will never ever heal. My pure hatred of this nonsense won't heal and won't go away. In fact I use it as a tool to not let these blood and money grubbing vampires take any more from me then they already have.

[dirtyhippiegirl, BSN, RN]

I haven't used since I got caught diverting and I will never use again.

Ah, the certainty of inexperience. I almost miss that phase of my addiction.

[Twoyearnurse]

I share in the sentiment that my monitoring agreement helps me. We don't have an alternative to discipline program in my state so it all goes through the BON.

My agreement doesn't even try to pretend that it is for my interest that it exists. It exists in the interest of public safety.

I am grateful for this chance to retain my license while I continue to move forward in sobriety. I wish sincerely that there was an alternative to discipline program that would allow me to have a clear license at the end of it, but, no luck and I certainly earned the mark that will remain on my license. I don't know that everyone here recognizes what a gift a clear license after five years of hard earned work is.

I am also grateful that I was able to rectify myself to the monitoring early on. It has saved me from railing against this thing for the past 4 years (almost done!) and given me a clear head in evaluating this sucker without becoming angry. After all, any real work I may be able to do in changing it will come after my monitoring agreement ends and anything in between my start and finish date will just be wasted days steeped in anger, regret, anxiety, and frustration.