I don't know if nursing is for me anymore...

[Heymickey]

I got hired at a local hospital February 15th. Passed the boards April 13th, but didn't find out until about June 1st. I got my CCRN cert... I'm not even sure what that is anymore... I don't think it's an add-on, but it's worth 72.0 CEU's. [it says I completed the following course "Critical Care Nurse Training Program." Again, I'm not even sure what that is anymore... I don't think it's an add-on. If I go to the BRN, I can't find anywhere where it says I've even completed the course, but maybe it might not be up yet. Some people haven't even received their certificate yet. It also says in small print "Provider approved by the State of California, Board of Registered Nursing CEP #144. This certificate must be retained for four years from date of course completion."] [i work in med-surg] I feel like I've been struggling more days than not. I work nights, 7 day schedule [7 days in two weeks] and 12 hour shifts. I am tired of feeling like I failed. How come I'm the only unrested nurse? I have trouble sleeping at night. I still get occasional patient-crashing nightmares. I don't feel like I have a handle on nursing yet, like I'm missing some sort of logic. I rememebr finishing the NCLEX feeling reeealll over-confident about the test. 75 questions... no trouble at all. In fact I took the CCRN final exam the day before and passed both. Now, I feel like I completely suck, like I have no logic in nursing. I feel like I screw up a lot. It's not the staff, either. I get along with everone. People that don't knwo me think I'm really good, and when I start to tell them about my problems... they tell me I'm exaggerating. Here I am, still awake. I called in sick to get a grip on myself. I've made two mistakes already!!! One was forgetting to document that I called the MD for a Temp of 101... (Who the hell orders Tylenol 650mg Q4 around the clock, anyways? It barely made the 4 gram rule.) The second one, I don't even want to talk about. It's not like anyone was hurt or no one died from it... it just got me even more frustrated. Crap, I feel like I want to give up already. The thing is, I feel like I am missing the logic and I will never catch on. My friend became a charge nurse after 6 months. Another, after 10 months. I've been in nursing for almost 6 months already. I suck. Ugh! (Get the Ativan ready... 2mg IVP Q4H PRN agitation.)

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I had to clarify some things, so I edited the post. I apologize for the confusion.

[hartmoon]

I got hired at a local hospital February 15th. Passed the boards April 13th, but didn't find out until about June 1st. I got my CCRN cert... I'm not even sure what that is anymore... I don't think it's an add-on, but it's worth 72.0 CEU's. [it says I completed the following course "Critical Care Nurse Training Program." Again, I'm not even sure what that is anymore... I don't think it's an add-on. If I go to the BRN, I can't find anywhere where it says I've even completed the course, but maybe it might not be up yet. Some people haven't even received their certificate yet. It also says in small print "Provider approved by the State of California, Board of Registered Nursing CEP #144. This certificate must be retained for four years from date of course completion."] [i work in med-surg] I feel like I've been struggling more days than not. I work nights, 7 day schedule [7 days in two weeks] and 12 hour shifts. I am tired of feeling like I failed. How come I'm the only unrested nurse? I have trouble sleeping at night. I still get occasional patient-crashing nightmares. I don't feel like I have a handle on nursing yet, like I'm missing some sort of logic. I rememebr finishing the NCLEX feeling reeealll over-confident about the test. 75 questions... no trouble at all. In fact I took the CCRN final exam the day before and passed both. Now, I feel like I completely suck, like I have no logic in nursing. I feel like I screw up a lot. It's not the staff, either. I get along with everone. People that don't knwo me think I'm really good, and when I start to tell them about my problems... they tell me I'm exaggerating. Here I am, still awake. I called in sick to get a grip on myself. I've made two mistakes already!!! One was forgetting to document that I called the MD for a Temp of 101... (Who the hell orders Tylenol 650mg Q4 around the clock, anyways? It barely made the 4 gram rule.) The second one, I don't even want to talk about. It's not like anyone was hurt or no one died from it... it just got me even more frustrated. Crap, I feel like I want to give up already. The thing is, I feel like I am missing the logic and I will never catch on. My friend became a charge nurse after 6 months. Another, after 10 months. I've been in nursing for almost 6 months already. I suck. Ugh! (Get the Ativan ready... 2mg IVP Q4H PRN agitation.)

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I had to clarify some things, so I edited the post. I apologize for the confusion.

You are far from alone. I think either the other staff has simply been there a while longer or they just don't want to admit that they have the same fears and nightmares. I think that having a mentor or else going to a smaller hospital where the nurse patient ratio is more manageable may help you. You seem like a perfectionist and that's not bad but if you are to remain sane you need to prioritize the care and documentation. Deal with the big stuff and if you forget something small then go back and admit it and do a late documentation. If society wants to keep nurses they must realize that in order to do so they must make our jobs less stressful . If your institution wants to keep good nurses they should help you. Ask for help, a mentor or a smaller work load til you get on your feet. Otherwise you may remain in a state of disillusionment and may give up. I hate to think of it also but am pondering the same thing for other reasons. Take your time making your decision.