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Today I sat and watched as my mother lay dying in her bed at the NH. Horrible-not like in the movies at all. I sort of knew what to expect but actually seeing someone die is a lot harder than most can imagine. Her lungs were so full of liquid and she rattled when she breathed. Then, at the exact moment she exhaled for the last time, all that fluid came up and out of her mouth and after a few seconds I knew she was gone. I am sad that will be my last image of her. Did she look peaceful when she was gone? No, she was just "gone". I've read so many stories about how peaceful they look at time of death and was a little shocked that it wasn't like that. It was a surreal experience and I will never forget it.
Yet in spite of it being so sad I am happy I was there at THAT moment. My Dad had gone out to have a smoke and the hospice nurse and chaplain were out of the room for a minute. I was the only one there when she died.
That being said I don't know how you guys can deal with this on a daily basis. I watched the hospice nurse and it was amazing how she helped my Mom so she didn't suffer. I have a new respect for the nursing profession-I know I couldn't to this every day.
Strangely enough, over the years I've had hundreds of people tell me they grieved more for their pets passing than their own family members.
I was with our dachshund when we had to put her to sleep in '95. That was so peaceful. And yes, I can certainly understand people grieving more for their pets than a family member.
as an aside...2. in our hospice, we don't 'do' suction...
as the med'l dir and DON strongly felt that suction in and of itself, was terribly invasive,
and that drying agents (scope, levsin, etc) were much more effective (if started at first sign of fluid shift) and less invasive.
i also know that hospices are as varied as the nurses who implement the care.
leslie
They tried to suction my Mom but the secretions were too thick.They used those little sticks with the spongees on the end that you wet and tried to remove it from her mouth that way.
I completely echo the sentiments of WoosahRN. That is why I do what I do. Of course, the goal is to save a patient's life in my line of work (ICU), but when death is inevitable, I find comfort in knowing that I'm able to provide comfort to the patient and family during that time, and ensure that I can make them as comfortable as possible through suctioning and as needed med administration. Also advocacy for patients when I see that time approaching as they can't speak for themselves. I'm sorry for your loss.
I work in a long-term care facility & I've watched several people die. Not everyone dies the same way. Some struggle, some fall asleep & stop breathing. I like that I can make dying people more comfortable. There are certain positions that help people breathe easier. Medications can be a great help, too. Suction can be applied for the fluid in the mouth, however it doesn't appear to ease the suffering. It's more for the family so they don't THINK they are suffering as much. Some families don't want to watch the last hours of life. In that case we try to keep someone in the room holding their hand, until they pass. Most of the residents we've known for years. They have become part of our family too, so we may cry too but in private.
I work in a long-term care facility & I've watched several people die. Not everyone dies the same way. Some struggle, some fall asleep & stop breathing. I like that I can make dying people more comfortable. There are certain positions that help people breathe easier. Medications can be a great help, too. Suction can be applied for the fluid in the mouth, however it doesn't appear to ease the suffering. It's more for the family so they don't THINK they are suffering as much. Some families don't want to watch the last hours of life. In that case we try to keep someone in the room holding their hand, until they pass. Most of the residents we've known for years. They have become part of our family too, so we may cry too but in private.
IMO I don't know how anyone can say they don't suffer when they died the way my Mom did. People who say this have never been there themselves so they really have no idea and no one has come back to say, hey, even though I looked like I suffered when I died I really didn't.
IMO I don't know how anyone can say they don't suffer when they died the way my Mom did. People who say this have never been there themselves so they really have no idea and no one has come back to say, hey, even though I looked like I suffered when I died I really didn't.
Many people do pass peacefully, and we know that because they are calm and exhibit all the signs of comfort. People tell us a lot without ever saying a word.
However, there are who don't pass peacefully, whether it's because of inexperienced doctors and nurses, or sometimes, despite our best efforts they just do. My worst was a man in his forties, whose symptoms I just could not manage despite maxing out his meds and multiple calls to his physician.
I am sorry this was the case with your mother. I would like to think the nurses did everything they could, even if it did not take away all of her pain. It is because of these people, those like your mother and the man I mentioned above, that I am taking a course next week on end of life care, so maybe I can bring back with me some new techniques and knowledge that will only benefit those for whom I care.
Poochiewoochie
178 Posts
Thanks, it was my Mom not mother in law-I've never had one of them.