I don't know what I'm doing

Sounds like you don't want to be a nurse -- well, even have a job for that matter. You're a grown up. Just tell your mom "No". If you hate your job being a PCT, then you will hate it more so as a nurse. You will have the same job responsibilities -- even more so -- than a PCT.

I think neuro ICU is a bit too much for any new CNA; it's scary and sometimes gross. You ought to have started out in some nice quiet little SNF or even a general med/surg unit in a community hospital, to get your feet underneath you and see another side of what nurses are and do. As a matter of fact, I'd suggest that for right now, for a semester, no more. I'd agree with the idea of a whole gap year, but I'd have done it before getting in too deep, so as not to forget too much about your prereqs. I think a full semester might do the trick for ya.

See if that works better for you. I sympathize with your mom - I was a critical care person myself, and loved it -- but it's too much for most tender newbies.

Oh, and you're not a horrible daughter. This too shall pass.

You sound quite overwhelmed at the moment. I think first step is probably to take a step back (emotionally at least) from everything and figure out if you hate nursing or you hate feeling overwhelmed, lost, and confused. Take a day (or even an afternoon) to do something good for yourself to bring your stress load down. It may be easier to sort through your feelings about nursing school when not as overwhelmed as you are now. If you are having trouble distressing, lowering anxiety, or sorting through your feelings on your own it may help to seek out a counselor or therapist in figuring out how to lower your stress load and work through your feelings about nursing school, and how to bring up our doubts with your parents. Many student health centers off this service for free or very low cost.

I think in order to be successful in nursing you have to know what you want to be a nurse. It doesn't have to be your calling or anything like that, but you have to know what prompted you to make the choice to go down this path in the first place. WAs going into nursing your choice, or your mom's choice? Have you always been drawn to medically minded career paths? If yes, what is it about those professions that appeals to you? Does nursing have those qualities as a profession? If it doesn't what other related pathways may be a better fit? You might want to talk to a career counselor in sorting through options.

Finally, I think your mom may have done you a disservice by getting you a PRN hospital job as your first CNA experience. Working in an acute care setting is challenging as a CNA, even if you've worked other settings before, and PRN while great for flexibility means that you don't have a daily routine. You're likely first to float, and by not working regularly are likely having to relearn some things every time you come in, because as a new CNA routine tasks aren't second nature yet. It is pretty normal to feel overwhelmed for the first month or two of a new job when working full-time. That learning curve can last even longer when working part-time.

I don't know your academic and work history background, but it may be by both doing nursing school and working as a PCT you are doing too much. If you have to work in school for money or general work experience there may be other jobs to try that would be less pressure while in nursing school.

Finally, have either your mom or your program brought up self-care? How are you doing in taking care of yourself right now, physically, mentally, and emotionally? Nutrition, exercise, and healthy stress reliving activities are all important to caring for yourself. If you aren't managing to care for the person you are it is easy to feel lost and burnt out. As others have suggested, taking some time to care for yourself, even if it is a break from school and/or work may be what it takes to start taking care of you again and figuring out where to go from here.

I think I mostly hate feeling this overwhelmed, and to thereby hate nursing and to be scared of the future. It definitely isn't my calling and isn't something I dreamed about doing ever since I was young. My mom planted the idea of nursing in me, and I took action from a more logical standpoint. I went into it not exactly knowing what the job entailed, but knowing that there were so many opportunities and things that I could do with a nursing degree, and that there was job security. The thing is, I don't know if it's my personality that can't handle the high stress, or if it's just because I haven't been exposed to it. But I did know ever since I was young that I wanted to go into the medical field because science (mostly biology, but hated physics) was always my favorite class and I looked forward to it every single day.

As for school, I passed all my classes and have been much more mentally intact than most of my other classmates have been this semester. I enjoy learning about the patho and pharm, and learning the skills. It's weird, I'm more stressed about this PCT job and thinking about what comes after school than I am about the classes themselves.

I also want to add that I really do appreciate everyone's comments. You have all helped me see a different perspective on my issues and have helped me clear my mind a little more. However, I really can't even begin to imagine quitting nursing school and taking a break. I've made it through the semester and I don't have a backup plan. My parents are just not the type of people to support that, and yes I know I'm a "grown-up" but I'm actually still a small child who is extremely dependent on them for a lot of things.

With that said, I'm going to stay in nursing school so I can explore what type of nursing I want to do, get my degree and go from there. For the PCT job, I'm going to tough it out a while longer (I didn't mention before that I had only worked 3 shifts so far), and if I'm really that unhappy, I will quit.

I really have to disagree that the way you're feeling right now means that you will hate nursing, or that you made the wrong choice. You sound very much like me throughout school, during my first year of nursing, and then later when I found myself in an area that was a very bad fit for me (ICU). I have always been academic, loved learning, had passion for science and loved the idea of using it to help people with something so fundamental as their health. But the reality is that, when you get into your first job (and even now as a PCT), you will find that all of that science and academic stuff feels far away and you will be very uncomfortable, scared, overwhelmed. You are going to feel like you've made the wrong choice. You will come home and cry a lot. I did, anyway.

But, I think that very likely, you are a conscientious and sensitive person. I make this assumption because you sound like me, and I think that those terms describe me. I have had a lot of successful years in nursing now and I haven't come home in tears for a long time. I am thankful that I chose a career that provides a decent income and a lot of job opportunities, and I have been able to support my family. There are so many different roles you can have that I really think you will find one that fits. But don't make that decision after 3 shifts. Let yourself cry after work when you need. Take care of yourself in any ways you can. Remember that you just need to do your best, to be conscientious and aware, and ask for help when you need it. You will probably find that when you start to talk with people, you are not alone in your fear and doubts. But I think you'll be ok.

I remember having a very similar feeling when I got a PCA job in a local hospital during nursing school. It made me even more scared to complete nursing school!just keep in mind that there are a LOT of avenues for nurses to travel down other than hospital nursing. critical care of any type may just not be your niche. those are pretty intense roles. since you're already in the hospital system you may want to look at other openings and bid on a job in a less intense unit. telemetry is always good or peds or OB. look around and see what other nurses do. you may find a niche that you LOVE.I'm pretty sure that a LOT of great nurses have felt this feeling. FYI- I've been a RN for over 20 years now and am in the midst of a DNP-NP program.

I'm a new nurse and I have mini-moments like this everyday I'm at work. However, I'm a 2nd career RN and I know what it's like to go from being the expert at work to having no idea whatsoever about what is going on around me. I know, then, that this feeling of dreading your work and feeling overwhelmed will eventually fade. And, it will fade for you, too. Probably pretty much regardless of anything you do (including being a stay-at-home mom), you will have those initial moments where you freak out and don't want any of the responsibility whatsoever and can't believe what you got yourself into (probably, most definitely if you're a stay-at-home mom). This is just a symptom of being new to the game. It will go away with time and experience and is really quite normal.

Nursing was not a calling for me either. This career was pursued out of practical reasons. I felt overwhelmed frequently when I was a nursing assistant and constantly questioning myself thinking, "If I can't even handle this then how can I possibly handle being a nurse?!" This is part of why people are so strongly encouraged to get a job in a hospital so they can really see what it's like and really lean into those freak out moments. You're especially lucky if you happen to be in a specialty you love. I love my specialty and even though I went home in tears last night because I had a fairly poor performance when I was just finally starting to get the hang of things, I still want to go back and do better and keep trying harder and harder because I love my hospital and I love what I have the opportunity to do. Maybe Neuro ICU isn't your thing?

Keep your mind and heart open to all of the possibilities nursing has to offer. If you haven't yet, read I Wasn't Strong Like This When I Started Out: True Stories of Becoming a Nurse. It addresses a lot of the same fears you're having as a student and you'll be inspired by the tremendous strength you're going to have the opportunity of obtaining through this crazy struggle.

very good advice from the above. Nursing doesn't need to feel like a call to ministry for everybody. for some it is a very different experience. hang in there, i'm pretty sure this is NO indication that you aren't cut out for the profession. good luck!!!