So I had a rough start to my first nursing job which I started September 2015.
My first week on the job was plagued by a gums-deep tooth infection which catapulted into a skull-cracking headache, and because of it I missed three days of work. After dental surgery, I developed a 103 degree fever, two more days missed. This wasn't exactly the smooth initiation into the field I fantasized about the months preceding.
The physical illnesses subsided, but my issues with low self-esteem and low confidence endured. And man were they on full display. I questioned everything, things as simple as how to get a clean urine sample from a Foley, to what a Kelly clamp was. I'm particularly ashamed of the latter. Things just felt like they weren't clicking -- what exactly was an appropriate reason to page the doctor? How do I know when the team will be rounding? When do I need to consult the social worker versus the case manager? I felt like a complete idiot, and my mantra every morning was how much of a failure I am and how this would be confirmed by my performance that day at work. It was a super unhealthy mindset, and I think everyone around me noticed.
Fast forward to now. Seven months on the job, and my beliefs surrounding my quality of work have become significantly more positive. I have spent time outside of work reviewing literature and procedures, and I feel more confident. I go through most of the 12 hour shift feeling comfortable with the care that I am providing. My patients really like me, my manager has told me that the nursing staff has given positive feedback regarding my work. But the other day at the nurse station, a fellow RN told me that a lot of the staff believed that I wouldn't make it when I first started on the floor. She said that I seemed chronically ditzy and unsure of myself, and that everyone was worried about my lack of nursing ability. She followed it up by saying that I actually turned out to be a good nurse.
I don't know -- all I can think about is the negative. Everyone around me was questioning my ability - and it's just taking me back to those days of questioning my own abilities, and it's supporting my fear that I'm just not talented enough at nursing. People around me have told me that being good at this job comes with time and experience, "at least a year", they always say.
How are they so much more confident than I am? The other nurses that started the same time as me seem so sure of themselves and their work. They are confident and the carry themselves with pride. I feel like a withering kale salad without dressing next to their juicy steak goodness.
Any tips on how I can boost my confidence will be much appreciated. I need it today, guys.
