I hate people who don't use their verbal filter. Do you work with anyone like this?

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In high school I thought the "mean girls" act would be over once we graduated but I guess some people just can't let it go. I'm a nursing student and have one of these overgrown "mean girls" in my clinical group. I love everyone else and for being a group of women we are surprisingly drama free... except for this one!

This girl has no verbal filter; constantly gossiping about others in the group behind their backs. I have seen her laugh and joke with one of her "close friends" then walk a few FEET away and talk about that "friend" to another "friend." She made fun of one girl and her fiancee when the day before she had complimented them as we were passing his pic around.

Once we were standing in the hospital and she LOUDLY (no volume filter either) says some non PC racial joke to me about blacks. I'm black and having been around her I understood she was truly joking. If it had been offensive I would have called her out on it but it was all in fun. I was about to say something jokingly back to her when I noticed my pt.'s daughter was standing RIGHT behind the girl just gaping at my classmate like "I can't believe she said that!" I just moved away from the girl and once my pt's daughter had gone back in her mother's room I continued quietly joking with my classmate. But COME ON we are in a professional setting pay attention to whats going on around you!

Do you have to deal with anyone like this?

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There are so many reasons that people have no filter. But no excuse, she is a grown person and needs to tone it down. Unfortunetely, she will cause her own issues when the clinical supervisor catches her in this act of hers. What you can do is call her on it when it pertains to you. An inappropriate joke is an inappropriate joke, regardless if you took personal offense to it or not. To say in a non confrontational way....WOW. This is a first, I am a black woman and you are telling me a racial degrading story. And laughing. REALLY? And walk away. If you are party to her gossip you can say, and again non confrontational, just a statement I have enough to deal with in studying for these clinicals, don't have time to mind anyone else's business but my own. And walk away. The more that people eat up this nonesense, the more she will continue. Even statements like "that is mean" "that is inappropriate" or in the case of the woman and her fiance "she is so lovely, I am so happy for her". If you are not a party to this directly, then keep your chin up, excell at your clinical skills, and best of luck--even if you are close enough to her to say "ya gotta develop a filter, girl, this is all so random"

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I occasionally run across people without a filter, but nothing as extreme as this.

If I was in this situation, I would use avoidance; people like that can stir up trouble. They actutally like drama and will use you to create it.

Learn how to dodge personal questions. Information about your personal life, opinions, etc are amunition that can be used against you.

If she tries to pull you into gossip or drama, suddenly remember something in a patient room you forgot. Learn how not to feed a conversation; use some of those untherapeutic communication techniques your teachers told you not to use.

You can't change her, but you can protect yourself from getting sucked into the vortex of her problems.

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Once we were standing in the hospital and she LOUDLY (no volume filter either) says some non PC racial joke to me about blacks. I'm black and having been around her I understood she was truly joking. If it had been offensive I would have called her out on it but it was all in fun.

Even if it was "all in fun" and you, personally, weren't offended, there is still a time and a place -- and clinical ain't it. She is setting herself up for a world of problems in school and the workplace (if she does graduate) if she doesn't figure out the basic groundrules of Grown-Up World. If you are her friend and want to, you are in a good position to help her do that -- otherwise, you can just stand back and watch the trainwreck ...

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Specializes in Emergency Room, Trauma ICU.

I get that she doesn't have a filter and it annoys you, but by laughing and joking with her you are basically saying her actions are okay. If she is a friend of yours I would pull her aside and let her know your concerns, if she isn't a friend I would just leave the area when she is being inappropriate. But as someone who has a very small filter, it can be frustrating when someone laughs and jokes with you but then comes at you later saying this has been bothering them for a long time. Either be upfront, or walk away.

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Oh, I in no way consider myself to be her friend as I explained in the post how THEY get treated. Ha! Usually I either shake my head and walk away or call her out on it depending on the situation but the chick is juuuuust not getting it; as another poster said, we live in Grown-Up People world so act like it!

No one is 100% mean/nasty all the time, so there are times she is genuinely funny without being insulting or at the expense of someone which is probably why others let it slip under the radar when she does say something wrong. Choosing instead to squirm, chuckle, and look around uncomfortably. But I shouldn't have to keep pointing out something so obvious!

The truly comical thing is that she wants to go into Peds when (IF... she almost failed Fundamentals) she graduates. I keep thinking "I would never want someone like that around my kids!"

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The truly comical thing is that she wants to go into Peds when (IF... she almost failed Fundamentals) she graduates. I keep thinking "I would never want someone like that around my kids!"

Don't worry -- the universe seems to have ways of working this kind of thing out. :)

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