I hate my job... :(

[sophie<3]

Sorry this is so long..............I have been a nurse for almost 5 years. I started in oncology and it was just okay...I didn't love it but knew it wasn't home for me. Had my dreams set on NICU and couldn't wait to get a job there. After a year and a half in oncology I got a job in a Level III NICU. Spent about 9 months there...hated it. Dreaded work, knew it wasn't for me, and I wanted out. At this time I thought I maybe I would leave nursing altogether. I was discouraged because other people loved their jobs and I didn't love mine. Maybe that meant I wasn't supposed to be a nurse afterall. I decided on a whim to apply for a position in the OR. It was a different type of nursing so maybe that was more my style. And I loved it...I enjoyed my coworkers, I felt comfortable, I was happy.

Then I started to get an itch to go back to school..to do MORE with my career while I was still young. I considered NP..but couldn't imagine leaving the OR setting...so I thought I would be a Clinical Nurse Educator in the OR...or even a manager one day. Then I started thinking CRNA...I worked side by side with them every day...I had seen A LOT of what the job entails and it looked challenging. All the CRNAs seemed very happy and it made me feel inspired that I could do it. I applied for some jobs and landed a job in a Level 1 Trauma/Surgical ICU. I'm still on orientation and it has been a struggle...the transition from OR to ICU has been huge...I have been faced with the reality that I am rusty on everything to do with bedside nursing.

But I've stuck it out almost 3 months and my orientation ends in about a month...but I don't enjoy this. I miss the OR and every day want to go back. I love to learn and love to be challenged but I feel like my unit hasn't been very conducive for the best experience. First of all..in the 3.5-4 months I will be on orientation, I will have had 8 PRECEPTORS. I have been tossed around and of course everyone does things differently. That alone has been the hardest part. Secondly, my educator has been all over the place. She makes my schedule..only 2 weeks in advance so I never really know how to plan my weeks, she keeps adding and changing my class requirements..just when I think I am done, she adds on another class or requirement that is due shortly after she tells me. My managers have apologized on the educator's behalf saying she is "stressed" and "stretched thin"..but no one really seems to be supporting me?! I don't feel like I can go to anyone and say "hey..I am not getting a great experience"....and lastly, I have been planning on working nights...I worked nights on the floor and in the NICU and I know it's a better place to get your feet wet. And financially, I need the money as I took a pay cut to come to the ICU...Now they want one of the orientees (3 of us total) to go to dayshift when we are off orientation. Financially...I will not be able to afford this..I will have to pick up OT or pick up in the OR. And for my sanity, I hate dayshift in the ICU. I feel like I just run all day long and can't keep my head above water.

I am just so disappointed in this experience. I feel I have learned SOME but I have only had 2 patients on pressors and that was my first 2 weeks on the unit. My preceptor and I have been pulled to another ICU and to progressive care. I have spent a whole shift with 1 patient who was downgraded to acute care and we never picked up another patient. I have admitted 3 or 4 patients, all who were stable. This isn't teaching me anything!!!! I need sick patients so that when I am alone..I feel somewhat capable.I'm so frustrated and while I still want to be a CRNA...maybe I don't want it bad enough. I can still see myself as a manager or Nurse Educator in the OR and being happy. But this is just frustrating beyond belief. Should I go back to the OR, stick it out, or look for another ICU job completely? Please advice....

[sophie<3]

I definitely agree that I should have stayed in the OR. Sometimes when you find something good you want to push the envelope a little in hopes of something "better"...but I am glad I went and experienced the ICU because now I can say that it is not for me! I am looking into how I can expand my job but still remain in the OR setting. Potentially a nurse educator or management or something along those lines.

I didn't go into the ICU hoping for 1 preceptor. I knew I would have 3 or 4 and I was okay with that. But once I got to 7 or 8, I started feeling like I wasn't progressing in my orientation. Each nurse did things differently, so each time I was with someone else I would feel like I had to change my "system". I feel like having so many preceptors was just the cherry on top...I think I was unhappy altogether and the inconsistancies of my orientation just made it easier to walk away.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

Sophie, maybe I'm over simplifying, but its not like you're fresh out of nursing school. You've been in it for 5ish years and in that time, only found one area that you were happy with (I know the feeling). I say start applying for openings in the OR. If you go back to school for CRNA, you can get all vital experience/learning for that from your program and clinicals. Life is short. Good luck.

Unless anesthesia programs have changed drastically in the past year, some ICU experience is required before admission into the program. And the CRNAs I know have all stated that you NEED the ICU experience for the care of those vulnerable patients.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

Having 8 preceptors is EXACTLY the reason she is not succeeding. OP needs nursing education, one preceptor and management to guide her .

Wish I could do it for ya OP. Good luck.

One preceptor would be nice, but it's not usually possible. Two or three is ideal. I agree that 8 preceptors is a lot, but I know plenty of new grads who manage to learn and to thrive despite a plethora of preceptors. Or maybe even because of it.

Few new employees are willing to follow the preceptor's schedule. Perhaps the best preceptor for the new employee is permanent nights or works every weekend. I've only met one or two orientees willing to do that, although I've met many who demand that the preceptor switch to THEIR preferred schedule. Preceptors are usually senior nurses, and as such they are tapped to do charge, teach classes, chair committees and other things that take them away from direct patient care for a few shifts out of every schedule.

There are many reasons a new employee would have many preceptors. The best make it a positive by learning something from every preceptor they encounter. The not so good blame the number of preceptors for their failure to succeed.

[sophie<3]

Well that is your personal opinion Ruby...and while I respect it, I also disagree with it.

Maybe the "not so good" are "not so good" because of the number of preceptors and inconsistency in an already difficult career field such as nursing. I think every individual is different..the person who thrives with 10 preceptors and the person who thrives with 3 should not determine how "good" of a nurse they are. It all comes down to how one learns best. I personally need some consistency and am not ashamed to say so. While I didn't LOVE my past jobs, I practiced safely and felt pretty comfortable despite being a new graduate. Each unit I was on, I had a max of 3 preceptors...in the NICU I had *1* preceptor my entire orientation. And it helped me develop routines and know who I could turn to in a crisis. My preceptor knew me and my skills..she learned my strengths and weaknesses and I feel I learned more from her in a month than I did in 3 months of my adult ICU orientation.

Now that I have almost 5 years experience as a nurse and transferring to the beast of adult critical care nursing, the shear number of preceptors definitely played a role in HOW well I put the dots together. Every nurse practices differently and that does not mean one is better or worse than the other...we are just different and if we are safe and competent that is all that matters, right? But simply due to the fact that everyone is different, it was difficult to build a foundation. I also was never able to form a strong, trusting relationship with one single preceptor who I knew would answer my questions, continue to support and teach me beyond orientation, and who I could turn to with any "stupid" question I may have. I truly feel new ICU nurses...and new nurses in general...need to develop a relationship with their preceptor(s) so they know they have support when they are thrown to the wolves.

Maybe you thrived with 8-10 preceptors Ruby, and that's great for you...but please don't knock other people because they learn differently than you.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

Well that is your personal opinion Ruby...and while I respect it, I also disagree with it.

Maybe the "not so good" are "not so good" because of the number of preceptors and inconsistency in an already difficult career field such as nursing. I think every individual is different..the person who thrives with 10 preceptors and the person who thrives with 3 should not determine how "good" of a nurse they are. It all comes down to how one learns best. I personally need some consistency and am not ashamed to say so. While I didn't LOVE my past jobs, I practiced safely and felt pretty comfortable despite being a new graduate. Each unit I was on, I had a max of 3 preceptors...in the NICU I had *1* preceptor my entire orientation. And it helped me develop routines and know who I could turn to in a crisis. My preceptor knew me and my skills..she learned my strengths and weaknesses and I feel I learned more from her in a month than I did in 3 months of my adult ICU orientation.

Now that I have almost 5 years experience as a nurse and transferring to the beast of adult critical care nursing, the shear number of preceptors definitely played a role in HOW well I put the dots together. Every nurse practices differently and that does not mean one is better or worse than the other...we are just different and if we are safe and competent that is all that matters, right? But simply due to the fact that everyone is different, it was difficult to build a foundation. I also was never able to form a strong, trusting relationship with one single preceptor who I knew would answer my questions, continue to support and teach me beyond orientation, and who I could turn to with any "stupid" question I may have. I truly feel new ICU nurses...and new nurses in general...need to develop a relationship with their preceptor(s) so they know they have support when they are thrown to the wolves.

Maybe you thrived with 8-10 preceptors Ruby, and that's great for you...but please don't knock other people because they learn differently than you.

I'm not knocking anyone who learns differently than me. I'm explaining that it is very difficult to provide a new employee with the precise number and type of preceptor with which she will learn best. I'm not even sure how it's possible to schedule you with just one preceptor unless it was in the OR where everyone works Monday through Friday. In an ICU, with weekends, holidays, rotating shifts, it just isn't possible. UNLESS the orientee agrees to follow the preceptor's schedule AND the preceptor never does charge.