I hate my job but I love nursing

[bethin]

I have worked four years as a CNA on a med/surg floor. I work 12 hr shifts, 7a-7p every weekend. Lately, I have been so depressed at work. I hate my job. I think it's the floor, not the patients. I never have the time to get to know my patients. When I ask the nurses about history, I get a dirty look like I'm not supposed to know. Recently, I took care of a MRSA pt but it took 2 days before I was told-thank God I used precautions. Generally, I have 6-10 pts. with about half being complete care. I spend about 30-45mins. doing a pts. complete care but all I can think about when I'm with a patient is everything else I have to do. Also, I hear the call lights out in the hall and know that all the aides are in rooms doing baths and the nurses won't get them except for a few exceptions. When I walk out of a room with a bed full of dirty linens in my hand I get a list of all the things I need to do. Last weekend, as I was walking out of the room with linens, I was stopped by two nurses who started SPEAKING AT THE SAME TIME!! What really made me mad was the fact that they didn't realize the other one was talking. They got very upset with me when I told them I couldn't hear what they were saying. When I asked them to speak at one time they started fighting, "me first...no, me first." Every so often I have the privelege of floating to ICU where there is usually 1 or 2 patients. I LOVE it there. I can spend more time with each patient. Also, I have learned so much more up there than I have ever learned on med/surg. I am doing pre-reqs for nursing now and hope when I graduate to get a job in a nicu. I think I'm destined to be a critical care nurse, not a med/surg or LTC nurse. There isn't any other floors that use aides except for med/surg and LTC. I have applied to other hospitals, but I don't have the experience in OB or enough of it for ICU. I feel like crying. I feel guilty when I'm with a pt. and my mind is elsewhere. Also, I feel so bad when I get home and realize that I forgot to do something. I hate being treated like a low life just because I don't have an education--even though I'm pursuing one.

Am I going to be a bad nurse?? Is it normal to feel this way??

[christymwinn]

I think because you feel that way, you will be a great nurse! It is when we stop caring for our patients and stop seeing them as real people that we become bad nurses. Unfortunately, it happens all too often and fast with the staffing problems most health care facilities we have. Don't ever be afraid to be a patient advocate, and remember, we are there for them.

[christvs, DNP, RN, NP]

That is exactly how I felt when I was a CNA working through nursing school. It does get better I think, once you're more used to things. But maybe you could try to get in touch with the nurse manager of the ICU since you like it there-or look for another unit (even in a different hospital) with fewer pts to take care of, so you can feel like you spend enough time with each one. As a CNA I did not like taking care of 8 or 9 patients; like you, I felt bad that I was constantly being pulled somewhere. Now as an RN, I only have 4 patients most of the time, so I have more time to spend with my pts, and everyone is happy. Good luck with your job & school. :)

-Christine