I had my first clinical today & I cried in the pt room in front of everyone.

[Angels_wearScrubs]

I am a brand new student. 5 weeks in my program and our clinicals are on a PCU/step down unit.

I didn't cry because I was overwhelmed, or because I felt stupid. I cried because this lady was brain dead but her eyes were open and she was moving(kind of) but she was unresponsive. My clinical instructer brought us into her room because she wanted to show us vents and trachs and tube feeding etc. This pt had a heart attck and her family did nothing. No cpr was preformed until EMT got there.

The few times I have been to the hospital, it has been for like knee surgery or something mild. This was terrifying for me And then when I asked my CI if the pt could see us b/c her eyes were open and if she could hear us, my CI got her penlight and tapped her eyes with it to show that the pt was unresponsive. The she wanted to show us how sensitive the tele monitor is, so my CI took her hand and thumped against the pts heart with her fist to show us the monitor flucuations.

Sorry for the mispellings and the disjointed-ness of my post. I have so much going through my head. This was my first ever pt experience. I really want to be a nurse. I know I can be a good nurse. One of the reasons I was crying is b/c I wanted to help the pt but I don't know how.

Did any of you experienced nurses cry during clinicals or do you still cry sometimes? Am i too tenderhearted? And what advice do you have that will help me 'cope' better?

thanks for reading

[rickelli]

WOW this whole thread makes me cry. I think I am going to have a hard time with the ICU part of clinicals. I start nursing school in a few weeks. I was actually going to post a similar thread before I found this one. I wasn't sure if it was normal to cry in front of patients because I don't think I will be able to hold it in LOL. Especially if they are crying. I can't watch Greys Anatomy without crying :). I feel like such a baby. I am sure nursing will harden me a little at least I hope it will a little. I will always have my compassionate heart but I don't see it being a good thing if I am always crying at work LOL. Any suggestions on how to block some of the emotions?? ----Kelli

[Angels_wearScrubs]

:heartbeat:heartbeat:heartbeat Thanks to everyone for the kind words!!!!!:heartbeat:heartbeat:heartbeat No one else in my clinical group was upset so I thought I was just a wuss. It's nice to know that so many of you strong succesful nurses have at one point gotten upset.

Your reaction was normal. I am not amused with your instructor's behavior, though. Did she really tap a penlight on the patient's eye? If she did, that was disrespectful to that person. Demonstrating no corneals can be done a much gentler fashion - tease out some of the cotton from a cotton swab and gently touching the eye (cornea) would be much better. I hope she did not pound on the chest - just gently moving the leads would accomplish the same lesson.

Even in death, most especially in death, respect and dignity must be paramount.

Yes, she did tap on the eye with her penlight. And she didn't move the leads untill after she pounded the pts chest and saw all the shocked looks on the students faces. No one in my clinical group cried but me, but we all thought it was disrespectful to pound her chest....I know textbook nursing versus real life nursing is different, but shouldn't the patients dignity always be respected regardless of their LOC??

But do work to move past it. Keep in mind that many people's families can't do CPR and that doesn't mean they aren't loving and grieving. FWIW it is my opinion that CPR without a defibrillator machine is rarely effective for MI.

I was angry that the family didn't do CPR at first, but now i'm not. I called my gma who was a nurse for 25+ years. She said some people don't know how to do CPR or if they do, they freeze up or panic or go into shock and can't think when someone they love is going down. When she explained thats to me, I didn't feel angry anymore. I never thought of it like that. Then I felt bad for the family, I bet they were terrified watching their mother/grandmother die

The ability to see a patient, especially a comatose patient as a human being is a blessing. Many times we try to shut that part of us out, thinking it will make us a more objective and therefore a better nurse. There are definitely times where being able to stand back and get the job done is very important, but when we lose our ability to relate to the human side it's time to get out. If this is your first clinical and your first patient experience I wouldn't worry that you couldn't cut it in nursing. It can be overwhelming sometimes. Accepting that death is very much a part of life is hard for our culture....quote]

I did eventually stop crying. I wasn't a blubbering fool the entire time After a couple minutes off tears streaming down my cheek I was like "OK! get over it." i know that sounds bad. But I had to focus on what the CI was saying. I know I will be able to cope as I get more experience. I just am scared that in my ability to cope I am may lose compassion and be a heartess nurse that doesn't see the patient as a patient, but as the 'MVA in room 32". Does that make sense?

OP your CI is a bit of a show-off as well, sheesh.

I don't know if she is a show off, maybe just jaded. She is really nice and patient with us new students and wants us to do well. I have heard from previous students that she is one of the best CI's. But if she is going to continue to be disrespectful to pts, I think I will pull her aside one-on-one and respectufully tell her that I don't think the pts dignity is being respected and since you have so much experience and knowledge, could you share some of your knowledge and many years of experience with me and how do I respect the pt while maintaing his/her dignity. I am going to have to figure out a way to say it without offending her...hmmmmmm

[malone2192]

It shows that you are human. I've been a nurse for 15 years. I still get side swiped by emotions and have been known to cry in a patient's room.

[AlabamaBelle]

Again, OP, you are just fine. I cry when a patient dies. Even when you know it's the best thing for your patient, even though you expect it - you never really expect death.

I'm a great crier. Most of our staff will cry with a family. If a patient is going to be allowed a natural death, those who have cared for that patient will come in on their day off to support the family and the staff on duty.

I'm am still appalled at your instructor's actions. They are unprofessional and disrespectful. Always treat your patients with dignity and respect. If someone had done that to my mother, heads would have rolled. Absolutely no point, except not to do.