I did not have a calling when I started nursing. I didn't know what I wanted to do after high school so my parents "suggested" (more like forced) nursing for me. Well close to 10 years later I feel burnt out & I'm not even working right now.
I tried so hard to get into acute care, I thought it would open so many doors and I would get to experience so much. I did experience a lot but I don't think it was a great opportunity for me. It did show me how horrible nursing is, how much time we spend away from the patient & how little we are respected. After my short stint in the hospital my health took a turn for the worse and I quickly became bitter towards my career.
I was recently diagnosed with Lupus. This was a shock to me but not very surprising. I have had muscle & joint pain since high school and ever since I had my first son I am constantly exhausted. Not just tired, but EXHAUSTED. Even if I get enough sleep plus a nap. Not to mention a whole list of other issues. Add to the eye opener of working on a med/surg floor, I am so over working as a nurse. It didn't matter what I did, how I did it, how I said it or anything. I got more respect from inmates in jails & prisons while I took care of them than from any lay people.
But I don't even know if I want or can go back to nursing. My body cannot handle working 12+ hour shifts and I have tried and tried and tried to apply to telecommuting positions but I have gotten turned down from the few I qualify for.
I use to want to bridge and dreamed of becoming and RN but the thought of going back to school just irritates me. I couldn't imagine spending more time on nursing and having to deal with more rude patients. No thank you! I wouldn't mind going back to corrections, but the prison system where I live won't hire me due to indiscretions in my past when I worked with them (nothing criminal).
I am thinking about applying for SSI, but I don't know that I would get it since my husband makes too much money. Hah. We still live paycheck to paycheck but I wouldn't qualify for SSI and I certainly don't qualify for SSDI since I haven't worked enough. I just want to be out of pain and want to quit living paycheck to paycheck.
