I dont know where else to turn.

JDZ344 · Oct 4, 2012

From what I understand of right to work states, that is correct, but I am neither a US citizen or a lawyer, so take that for what its worth.

I do not remember your previous thread, I might look for it in a minute, but the first thing that sprung to mind was this:

If you have been fired from one job for "borderline verbal abuse" and from a second for being rude to a customer, is it possible that you don't realise you are being rude? I only ask because I myself sometimes say things that SEEM perfectly reasonable in my head, and it's only when I see the reactions that I realise I have said something either rude or outrageous. Also, I am shy and if I don't talk much, I might come across as arrogant or rude.

Apart from that, I don't have much advice, but good luck. I'm sure eventually you will find another aide job, it just may take longer if you need to explain about previous jobs.

IdianaCNA1993 · Oct 5, 2012

sorry I was alittle off I wasnt rude to a customer I met to say that a customer over heard me telling one of the other cashiers somthing about this one customer that i had to fill out a meth watch form on and I said he looked to fit the discription of a meth head and and that I was a little freaked that this guy was going to jump me or somthing. and I guess the customer didnt like it and went and told the manager this. I know I could have said somthing different than meth head but I did know there was a customer near by to hear. sorry about that my mind was else where when I wrote the OP.

but yeah you are possibly right about how what Im going to say may sound right to me but in all fairness it isnt. I have been told by some people that the tone my voice sounds like it has an attitude when Im streesed or even when I am depressed or that at times it sounds sarcastic and I cant help that I have tried changing it on many occasions and I have tried being perky or overly nice and smile non stop like a creep but It just didnt feel right and my face just hurts to much at the end of my shifts (lol). and when it comes to the negativity thing I think that my depression plays a roll in to it I know when the seasons change I get a little blue why I dont know Im currently not taking any medications but I am thinking about going to see my doctor or try light therapy. I have also decided that Im not working for the next two months Im just going to take it easy and try not to interact with people who arent family or friends as much and then when I go to get another job just tell them flat out everything and that I took a break went and got help because my depression played a roll in a lot of it and now Im ready to try again and I hope they give me a chance.

Trinklee · Oct 5, 2012

I've been working minimum wage jobs for a few years and one thing I have learned is to watch my back before I say something that can be taken as offensive. You'll most likely encounter all types of people, even ones who look like "meth heads," but it's best to hold your tongue.

I'm very sorry about your situation and I think taking a couple of months off is a good idea. I deal with depression as well and it can be crippling sometimes. I have faith that you'll be able to get everything in order and find a new job that you like. :) For the record, my time with a counselor/therapist was well spent. A lot of times it helps to just have somebody listen to you.

funtimes · Oct 5, 2012

Try working jobs that dont require people skills, see if you like it. Ive worked as a mechanic, framed houses, even worked as a factory rat where the only interaction I had was with a couple of illegal aliens who didnt speak english and my shop foreman who poked his head in a few times a shift. I liked doing rough carpentry, it was hard work for good pay, but as I get older the wear and tear becomes an issue, and it doesnt help the economy has dried up.

Working as a CNA has been my first experience with the service industry, and it wasnt an easy transition and sometimes I do miss the satisfaction of building something or fixing something, but healthcare is the field Ive settled on and Ive become fairly good at my job, but its not for everyone. If your young, try something else. If you arent very good working with your hands, go to school if you can.

NightNerd, MSN, RN · Oct 6, 2012

Like a couple other people have said, now that you've gotten some similar feedback from two different work environments, you should probably think about the impression you're giving. I've followed your posts, and I can tell that you're a good worker, but it seems like there are certain parts of nursing that are more natural for you than others. It sounds like you can keep up well with your workload and be thorough, but maybe interacting with certain kinds of people or being careful to keep your complaints to yourself are more challenging.

If you like the healthcare industry but are becoming discouraged by incidents like this, maybe you should consider some alternative careers. There's stuff like surgical tech, medical records, medical lab technician, etc., that don't require as many serious "people skills" but still involve taking care of people and being thorough and all the stuff you seem to be good at.

If you have your heart set on nursing, maybe take a couple months to reflect on some of the things that have gone wrong and honestly think about how you could do your part in improving those situations. Sometimes it's easy to not realize how what you say is going to affect someone else, so just really thinking through the feedback you've been given would be really helpful. I would even say that you could ask your prior managers and co-workers if they have some examples of these things, and what they would prefer you had done in those situations. Once you've thought it through, go looking for that next job and put what you've learned into practice. Watch the people you work with and how they interact with patients/residents. I feel like these approaches would help me in that situation (actually, they have - I am not the most social person, so learning to people-watch and respond in the way people seem to like has helped a lot with my confidence).

Good luck!!

IdianaCNA1993 · Oct 6, 2012

I have asked some of my former coworkers and told them to be honest I have asked if I was a negative force and they said no. I have asked if Im a good worker they say yes that they love working with me. I know at my last job people did the same things I did and never got in trouble and they are still working there. I myself think that one or two were just jelouse because I hadnt been there long enough and they were training me to do head cashier stuff so they thought ok Im going to complain about every little thing untill he gets fired because I feel threatend by him. and I didnt like the job as cashier as much because there were times it was borring and it was never consistant. I have been told my alot of my residents that I was polite and kind. but at my aide job they also fire the good ones just to set an example and it never really worked to change things. and to be honest I just dont think my managers liked me at my cashier job. I never said no to doing what they asked me to do. they never talked to me about it at the cashier possition too it was just I have to let you go no warning no nothing so that there just dont seem right to me. my aide job talked to me about somthing I might have done wrong but they made it a point to say this dosent mean you are in trouble we just want you to do your best sort of thing and I didnt get those often and I was never written up at my aide job.

I myself feel that I need to get another aide job and just not make friends as fast and just do my job. and like Ive seen watch my back. Im just going to have to not gossip or cuss. and just do my job and be done do it with a smile and move on. most importantly learn to keep things to myself. and if that fails then I guess I will need to look into a different job or go see a doctor or somthing. I was also think ing that if I was to go on to get my LPN that after I worked for a while I was going to move out of state if this keeps up like move to a non right to work state or even out of the country to say canada. so with that being said I do my best and work hard and try to do a little better than those around me and I still get screwed so I think that there is just somthing people dont like about me and Im going to have to change it or move to a different area where it is ok.

rivershark2005 · Oct 6, 2012

I've been following this thread and your last thread somewhat and I have some criticism you're probably not going to like.

From reading your last post, I'd say you have a victim mentality. You seem to think you're not doing anything wrong and all these people are out to get you. I assure you, not every coworker you have is complaining on you just to get you fired. Things like this tend to only happen in dramas, be they TV shows, movies, soap operas, or books. Sometimes we need to step back and take a look at the complaints that are being made about us. I have never once had a coworker complain that I wasn't pulling my weight, being rude, or anything of that nature. Why? Because I do my job and shut up about everyone else.

Now, if you made it through that and are still reading, here's my advice. Go out and get another aide job. However, this time, don't get close to ANYONE. Not the residents, not your coworkers, and not management. Be personable, but don't think that you can complain to so-and-so because he/she seems to get you. I have coworkers that are going above and beyond to make me think they "get" me so that I will open up to them. Do you know how many of them I open up to? Not a single one. I don't trust these people. Healthcare, being a female dominated field, is gossip-central. (Everyone was thinking it, I just said it) Gossip quickly grows out of control. One day you got a little short with a resident, the next day you were cussing that resident up one side and down the other. Same with cashier duties. Trust me, I've been there.

Things aren't going to improve just because you move to a different area, state, or country. If you don't take a deep, serious look at yourself, things will never improve. You can be fired for this behavior in every state. Just in some the employer has to be able to verbalize why this behavior is a problem.

Now, you are more than welcome to report this post as abusive if that's what you want. I won't try to stop you. But you did come here looking for outside criticism and I gave you mine.

IdianaCNA1993 · Oct 7, 2012

I've been following this thread and your last thread somewhat and I have some criticism you're probably not going to like.
From reading your last post, I'd say you have a victim mentality. You seem to think you're not doing anything wrong and all these people are out to get you. I assure you, not every coworker you have is complaining on you just to get you fired. Things like this tend to only happen in dramas, be they TV shows, movies, soap operas, or books. Sometimes we need to step back and take a look at the complaints that are being made about us. I have never once had a coworker complain that I wasn't pulling my weight, being rude, or anything of that nature. Why? Because I do my job and shut up about everyone else.
Now, if you made it through that and are still reading, here's my advice. Go out and get another aide job. However, this time, don't get close to ANYONE. Not the residents, not your coworkers, and not management. Be personable, but don't think that you can complain to so-and-so because he/she seems to get you. I have coworkers that are going above and beyond to make me think they "get" me so that I will open up to them. Do you know how many of them I open up to? Not a single one. I don't trust these people. Healthcare, being a female dominated field, is gossip-central. (Everyone was thinking it, I just said it) Gossip quickly grows out of control. One day you got a little short with a resident, the next day you were cussing that resident up one side and down the other. Same with cashier duties. Trust me, I've been there.
.[/quote
I know that I do somthings wrong I admit that I hosnestly do maybe I wouldnt be in this situation if if I had a different personallty or somthing. as for all these people out to get me statment Its kind of hard not to think that when I have had people say it to my face saying things like "you suck" when alot of other people think different and "im going to do everything possible to get you fired". amd I have never gotten a complaint until I was in the seat of termination, no one has talked to me about it first or anything just oh well good bye when I know well enought other people get talked to first about things. I myself dont feel that I am playing victim rather than voiceing what has happened and how I feel about the situation. Ive screwed up somewhere along the way I just need someone to show me where and how so I can fix it so it dont happen again.
and you are right I need to keep to myself at my next job. not open up to a single one of them. but to you have to understand I am an only child so for me I feel like I have to get close to everyone I come incontact with and be friends with everyone so I dont feel alone so it is going to be very hard for me to do any of that.I also dont like the feeling of being the outcast and to me its no way to work if you cant get to know your coworkers, I understand not to gossip and Im definatly going to watch my mouth.
you also dont understand that my cashier job was nothing but drama like in a TV show. and my aid job was the same. one aide I worked with told me it was like high school at the aide job. at the cashier job the girl that was training me on my first day told me I wouldnt like it because it was to drama filled. I am by NO means a victim just somone stuck and I need a little help to get unstuck so it dont happen again. BECAUSE i AM WELL AWARE THAT I MUST BE DOING SOMTHING WRONG!!!! the gossipping and getting to close to soon to my coworkers and my at times potty mouth MOSTLIKELY is what I am doing wrong so I might as well not do any of those.
as for moving out of the area and going to a place where there is a zero chance anyone knows me is so that I can start over. so there isnt any gossip from old coworkers between facilites and people that I went to school with. so that maybe my outlook can change and so that it maybe a little easier for me to change my ways or what ever the case may be.

rivershark2005 · Oct 7, 2012

Okay, so you have actually had someone say, to your face, "I am going to do everything possible to get you fired"? Is that what you're telling me? If so, I understand where your hostility is coming from. But I have never heard someone actually SAY that to another person. I have seen it happen, ONE time, but the person doing the complaining never actually told the person they were complaining on. Oh, and btw, it backfired and got the complainer fired.

As far as employers not talking to you about your problems before firing you, again, I find this kind of hard to believe. I mean, I know there are "90 day probationary periods" in which the employers try to see if you are the right fit for the position, and I have known many people that have been terminated during such a period, but I have never known an employer to fire someone with no warning. That seems uncouth to me.

You say you "need somone to show [you] how to fix it so it [doesn't] happen again." This is not their job. Yes, you can ask where you went wrong, what you did that lead them to terminating you, but about 98% of the time you're not going to receive an answer. I have been in a managerial position before, and I know first hand that explaining, in depth, a termination can lead to such things as lawsuits, therefore most employers will leave you with a "no comment" answer rather than trying to explain their reasoning.

Listen, I'm an only child, too, and I tend to open up to people quickly, because I am starving for the attention of my peer group. However, there is a time and place for this. I have ZERO friends at work. Not a single one I would ever say "Hey, let's hang out this Saturday" or "Hey, my kids are going to be here this weekend, bring your kids over and let's have a play date." What happens in my personal life is my business, not theirs. Every girl I work with that is in my age range is trying to "get to know me better." Even the married ones. But I refuse to let any of them have even a glimpse into my personal life. They don't know if I'm dating anyone, married, single, what. I have even heard (I have extremely good hearing) "Oh, he must be gay." Sorry, but no. I'm just not interested in YOU.

As far as feeling like an outcast, it's better than letting everyone know your deepest, darkest secrets. I'm 30 years old. I feel like an outcast at work and at school. Generally speaking, I am the oldest person at both. But that doesn't mean that I am going to open up to everyone. On the contrary. Don't like working with me? Tough, we're on the same hall. Don't want to be my study partner? Oh well, I already know more about this subject than you ever will, and now you'll never get that peak inside my head. You can't care about being an outcast. You just can't. Just do your job, help when needed, but don't be everybody's buddy.

Cashier jobs generally are nothing but drama. It's another female-dominated field, and entails all that comes with that. I'm not saying that this job is better than that job, or because this job is male-dominated, there's less drama. Believe me, men can be dramatic, too. But women tend to be more out there with it. They tend to go run their mouths to everyone, complaining about this or that. It could be something as stupid as "I don't like his/her haircut," but EVERYONE except the subject of the gossip is going to know. This gossip can often times lead to things getting back to management that aren't true. Again, this comes back to finding out what's going on. You aren't going to get answers from a past employer. You can give that one up. But NEXT time you're in that situation, you know to ask up front what has been said.

You admit that you must be doing something wrong. This is the first step. Admitting you have a problem. Now you have to find out what your problem is. This is not going to be easy. But there will be some clues from your past that will give you a general direction to look in. Did your past employers say anything about use of foul language? You say you have a potty mouth. Try to curtail that. I cuss like a sailor. But I refuse to do it in front of my residents. Or my coworkers, for that matter. I may be saying "F'in this, POS that" in my head, but all that comes out of my mouth is "Yes, ma'am/sir, No ma'am/sir." Perhaps this is something I picked up from being a father. I don't like to cuss in front of my kids. They tend to repeat things at inopportune times.

Now as far as moving to an area where no one knows you, now that I know why you want to do this, it makes more sense. This is my plan when I graduate nursing school. I will likely be moving to the nearest large (500k+) metro area, seeking employment at a very large hospital. Yes, I could get hired at my local hospital or LTCs in a heartbeat when I get out of nursing school, but I want to go out and make my own reputation, not live off the reputation of those that came before me. It will be a tough move, but it is something I feel is necessary. So if you feel this is necessary, by all means, go for it. I'd say 100 miles is minimum safe distance. But also be aware that no matter where you go, you are going to come across someone that knows you. When I was 21, I moved to the state capitol. I'll be damned if I didn't end up seeing six people from my graduating class the first day I was there.

IdianaCNA1993 · Oct 7, 2012

******Okay, so you have actually had someone say, to your face, "I am going to do everything possible to get you fired"? Is that what you're telling me? If so, I understand where your hostility is coming from. But I have never heard someone actually SAY that to another person. I have seen it happen, ONE time, but the person doing the complaining never actually told the person they were complaining on. Oh, and btw, it backfired and got the complainer fired.

As far as employers not talking to you about your problems before firing you, again, I find this kind of hard to believe. I mean, I know there are "90 day probationary periods" in which the employers try to see if you are the right fit for the position, and I have known many people that have been terminated during such a period, but I have never known an employer to fire someone with no warning. That seems uncouth to me.

You say you "need somone to show [you] how to fix it so it [doesn't] happen again." This is not their job. Yes, you can ask where you went wrong, what you did that lead them to terminating you, but about 98% of the time you're not going to receive an answer. I have been in a managerial position before, and I know first hand that explaining, in depth, a termination can lead to such things as lawsuits, therefore most employers will leave you with a "no comment" answer rather than trying to explain their reasoning************

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

YES I have had it said to my face, and in fact it was by an aide that thought he was all high and mighty only because he was fired then rehired but he was always late to work and never ever did his job to I am being completly honest with you. In fact after my first three months in to my job I rarely gossipped and I honestly never said to things about this person except I was mad that so and so got fired for doing there job yet he was still around and a lot of the other nurses and aides agreed with me and I wasnt the only one who said it either, so I see where that could have landed me in hot water. That person was mad because I had called off becuase I sick and had to go to the hospital. and they made him stay over an extra four hours. Plus my aide job was my first job what so ever and your right I probably should have just let it go but I went and told the DON and ADON. they told me I had nothing to worry about then the DON got fired and we got a new DON witch I had worked with on the floor she was the nurse I always worked under, but it wasnt her that wanted me out it was the owner. She always told me to never quit because I was good at what I did and she like how I worked, even the ADON said the same thing. I understood that the DON had her job to do and friendship or what ever was last I will admit I was mad at her at first but I later got over it when I relized this and I told her this and she told me she wasnt mad at me and that she hoped the best for me and what not. and another thing I have had people that I thought were friends in my childhood/high school years that ended up screwing me over and it just ended out friendship and it was over stupid things but its whatever that was then this is now.

as for the warning thing at my last job I never got it it was just oh well sorry I have to let you go because I got one or two complaints from the same two staff members and well I hear all these rumors about you good bye. When they should have said this is your only warning but you need to change this this and this before you come back or atleast work on it. at my aide job there was one time like 4 or 5 months in to it I was told this as a rumor I went and asked about it only becuase I wanted to know why when I thought i did my job and I was just a little worried. They said yeah it was true but we are giving you another chance. It was all because the nurse I was working under (a different one from the one I sated that became DON) didnt like that I was down the other hall answering call lights after I was caught up there were no call lights on on my hall my residents were in bed and had there needs met. she was just mad because there was a few times a call light would come on, it was for a resident who needed a bed pan every hour that was it, and she couldnt find me to answer it she knew where I was and in fact why couldnt she get up from chatting with the other nurses and go do it? there was only 2 aides that night and it was somthing simple. plus she was one of those nurses that felt it was above her to help her aides or do aide work her self. I explained that to the ADON she understood and I told her they know what Im doing they know they can find me they know that they can make a list and I will get to it. but if someone needs a bed pan I mean its not like you are in the middle of doing a med pass or saving a life no your sitting there chatting with the other nurses about how your husbands a cheating alcaholic. I belive in team work so if I have nothing else to do and I see one of my other coworkers struggling I try my best to help them. because it all comes down to the residents/patients. then like a few days before my 8months with my aide job they terminated me, I dont want to go in to details. as for my aide job Im just going to say I left because I felt it wasnt a right fit.

as for them showing me how to fix it your right but I atleast want to be told and atleast givin some kind insight so I can do it. not for them to nesicarily show me how to fix it. Ill just come here and ask you you are giving me what I need and I like that! at times I like it when some people are actually mean and firm with me (no offense). with my cashier job I did ask well what and why it was said I didnt ask for name of who said it I had the idea alot of people told me who to stay away from and who to be careful of and that was one of my good friends that I consider to be like a sister, I only have two good friends that I spend my time with. I mean they could of fired me because they didnt like me and thats the reason they gave when I actually did my job. And dont say Im playing the victim thats just my way of thinking positive and to be able to "cope" if you will. Honestly being a cahier was so easy it was boring and hard for me to take an interest in to.

and Ill tell you this to Im 19 and gay so I kind of get a thrill listening to the gossip, dont mean I like to spread it though. cause I always have a miserable feeling when I do and a oh my what have I done. because I dont like it done to me so there I need to fix that too. there is a very select few men I am trusting of, so I tend to trust women more and befriends and what not with them first even at work. but women are drama filled I think we all are. just like I feel that when we all get screwed we all tend to play victim whether we are right or wrong because we want someone to be on our side or to just listen. I come here to vent because my mom dont understand and she tends to take the other persons side I dont get that but I dont care I can take care of my self my mom doesnt work with me or closly to me anyway. she goes off by what Im like at home and thats two totally differen things...

rivershark2005 · Oct 7, 2012

Okay, that guy that said to your face that he was going to do everything he could to get you fired should have been the one to get fired. Maybe that's just my position, but that's how I feel about it. However, if he regained his job after being fired and retained his job while being late a lot, chances are he was a pretty good aide. Management does pay attention to things like tardiness, but they pay more attention to the level of care being given to the pts.

You say that after your first three months at your aide job you rarely gossipped. That's good, but next time you need to not gossip from the very beginning. I know it's hard to refrain from the gossip, especially given your circumstances (young, getting along better with women than men), but it's going to have to happen.

For your aide job being your first job, you can suck that one up. Almost everyone loses their first job. I work with a girl that her first job was working as an LPN. She is a good LPN (I knew her at that time) that rarely made a mistake. Still, the first time she made a mistake, she was terminated. Not three days later, she had her second job, the one she has now.

As fas as the DON and ADON telling you had nothing to worry about, NEVER BELIEVE MANAGEMENT. They will say whatever they can to keep you feeling secure just to turn around and bend you over the barrel the next day. (Sorry to any DONs or ADONs reading this) I've only been an aide for two months now and I already know not to trust a single thing my DON, ADON, UM, PM, etc say. They're great women. They are always nice to me. But I don't take my complaints to them. Actually, I don't take my complaints to anyone. I usck it up, do the extra work it takes to get the job done right, and move on.

If you didn't receive any warning on your cashier job, honestly, that doesn't surprise me too much. Typically managers (be the male or female) don't like "alternative lifestyle" employees if they themselves are straight. I don't know what the stigma against GLBT employees is in this country. I, personally, have employeed two people that were same-sex oriented. One, a guy, was damn decent at his job. He worked hard, he didn't call in sick, and I had no drama from him. The other, a female weldor, was probably one of the best weldors I have ever met. Six months into her employment, I sent her to take a welding test for a different company, and she was hired as lead weldor on an off-shore rig.

Now going and helping out another aide when there's only two of you in the facility is understandable. Personally, I don't leave my hall unless sought out, but there are several times during the week that I am sought out for this or that. I go, I do what's needed (usually transferring a non-mechanical lift pt), and I go back to my hall. If you went to another hall to catch a light, I applaud you. Personally, I am of the mindset that a nurse should be required to do "aide work" when they aren't busy with med pass, and let's face it, they're not ALWAYS busy with med pass. I have ONE nurse at my facility that will help me with "aide work." She has helped me give a bed bath, helped me change a bed, helped me feed pts, helped me change diapers, etc. She's my favorite nurse, and if I could work with her more often, I would.

Here's the thing (restated in a different way to emphasize importance). You need to not gossip. I know, it's a thrill, it's juicy, and it's fun to listen to. But if you listen to it, whether you repeat it or not, you are just as guilty as the person that is telling you. If someone starts to gossip to you, turn tail and run. No one likes a gossip. Don't be the stereotypical gay person that gets all involved in the gossip of the workplace. Be better than that. I know, it's hard to not listen, and this is going to take serious effort on your part. But still, don't listen, and under NO circumstances do you repeat it if you do hear something. You have a right to privacy, yes? Well, guess what. So does everyone else. The girls I work with started gossiping about me the day I started. "Oh, he must be gay." "He can't commit to a woman." "He barely passe his CNA class." Just to name a few. Well, guess what? Now, several of the girls I work with obviously know I'm not gay, because they're trying to bed me. These same girls all want a long-term relationship with me. And now they all know that I was the only student in my CNA class to receive above a 95% final grade (98.8%). Gossip is a vicious cycle. Once you start, you can't stop. Let them gossip. Be the better person.