humor stolen from other sites...

Nurses Humor

Published

http://www.jokesnjokes.net/funny.jokes.amusing.humor.laughs/newsletters/jokes1103.htm

You know it's going to be a bad day in the ER when...

The paramedics in the parking lot are all using mops to clean up their ambulances and the EMTs are using a hose.

You show up for work and notice bars have just been installed on all the windows and there is now a metal detector at the hospital entrance.

It's the first day for the new medical interns, paramedic and nursing students all at the same time.

The off-going shift has a hard time keeping a straight face when giving report, especially about Room 15.

Your next five patients and their families all scream at you in different languages, none of which you speak.

Your next patient screams at you in a language you do understand, but you can't remember hearing that many obscenities strung together at once.

Your next patient has maggots but isn't dead.

The intoxicated 275 lb. transvestite in Room 15 keeps trying to get your home phone number because you "are just too sweet."

The hospital's attorney wants to talk to you but her secretary won't tell you what it's about.

The hospital has a surprise disaster drill. You were the only one who wasn't tipped off.

Your first patient of the day insists there is no way that she can be pregnant. She's crowning.

The Department is completely empty and one of the off-going shift says, "It's been that way all night, hope you have a quiet day!"

You have writers' cramp and still have 7 hours of the shift left.

In the middle of a disaster drill two real trauma patients present themselves.

The psychiatric patient who thinks he is Jesus was placed in the same room as another patient who thinks he is Satan.

No one remembered to buy coffee.

The paramedics who offered to go out and pick up lunch (and coffee) just advised over the radio they have witnessed a motor vehicle accident involving a transit bus versus a minivan. "Stand by for update."

You get a subpoena for a lawsuit a on a patient that walked out of the department against medical advice two years ago. You can only hope that is what the attorney wants to talk about.

The Hospital Administrator left you a cryptic message about a news crew showing up "sometime today to do a little filming, so everyone act natural."

The psychiatric patient's delusions are beginning to make sense.

The paramedics tell you the patient you just received with a closed head injury, flail chest, and positive belly tap is in "much better shape than the one still being cut out of the minivan."

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from the same site....

You've Been An (ER) Nurse Too Long If...

...you think there should be a DRG code for "Too Stupid to Live."

...you consider it a compliment when certain patients swear at you.

...the baby you delivered your first year of practice just came in with a heroin overdose.

...you know the sign language for "shot," "pain," and "x-ray."

...you say "vegetable" and are not referring to a food group.

...your idea of comforting a child involves using a papoose board.

...you think involuntary sterilization should be a requirement to get on welfare.

...you assume every patient with back pain is a drug-seeker until proven otherwise.

...you find yourself telling the Motrin overdose which of her medicines are really dangerous.

...lost vibrators and lost condoms are so routine you don't even bother to gossip about them.

...you've told a crying drunken driver that God was trying to kill him, but he missed.

...you've ever wondered if it would be worth the malpractice trial just to watch some x$%&!* die.

...you believe patients taking two or more psychiatric drugs will never have real pathology.

...you know what Norbest Syndrome, Porcelain Titer, Feather Count, and FOS Syndrome mean.

...putting leather restraints on a violent patient gives you heavenly satisfaction.

...you assume new ER residents should know what to do, and should do it without being told.

...you subtly encourage obnoxious patients to check out AMA.

...you no longer leave the room when the portable x-rays are taken.

...you not only know all the Rules of The House Of God by heart but make new nurses memorize them.

...you automatically hold your breath as you prep the patient for the pelvic exam.

...you mistake the new resident for a high school volunteer.

...you consider yourself an unwilling specialist in vague symptoms of long duration

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Specializes in Oncology/Haemetology/HIV.

....when you have created a whole new constitution w/ amendments to the rules of the House of God.

....when the Transvestite goes "Oh Honey, what happened to you?" and proceeds to give you makeup tips.

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Excellent, simply excellent!

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Great !!!!....I think that House of God should be required reading for all nursing or med students

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What are the Rules of The House of God? :)

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it's a book...http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0440133688/qid=1031278289/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_1/104-1708053-4405547?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

link to a sample page

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