How do You deal with Man-Hating Female Nurses?

UnewmeB4 · Apr 12, 2005

by the way, unewmeb4? who wereub4??????

I am still trying to figure that one out! :)

mattsmom81 · Apr 12, 2005

Anyhow, walk away when you get tired of it. I got tired of hearing of male "conquests" and farting contests at work when I was military. It got old, I walked away. :)

In ICU I am frequently the minority sex, and yeah, I can get tired of of the locker room talk and 'female bashing' that can go on as well. Like you said, we deal...if it gets to us we occupy ourselves elsewhere. I don't feel discriminated against...I like my coworkers and they mean no harm..they are just being 'guys in a group' . But then again, I dont look to take offense, like some might. :rolleyes:

SmilingBluEyes · Apr 12, 2005

Another tactic is distraction. Just start a conversation about SOMETHING else. We "females" are capable of discussing more than periods, pregnancy and cramps, you know. Try opening up dialogue about something else, if you are tired of the same old, same old.

SmilingBluEyes · Apr 12, 2005

I cannot always walk away, which, of course, is what I do on 3-11, when I can hang out with my pts. More difficult on 11-7, when you spend most of your time at the nurses station, with the additional paperwork, i.e. 24hr chart checks, cleaning up kardexes, and med carts.
Actually, I joined the float pool to get away from the "personal issues" which somehow, was becoming more important than pt care. That allowed me the opportunity to get away from that, as well as the politics of the individual floor. The float pool allows me to keep up my skills in all areas, as well as soothing the gypsy in my soul.

sounds to me as if you already cope very well. Good for you.

JayRob · Apr 19, 2005

Before you quit, you need to address the hostile work environment to your immediate supervisor. Documented hostile environments can be a burden on a supervisor that receives the report as they are required to respond, at least an appraisal of your perception toward your work environment. If no action is taken, or dismissed, and you can prove your claim, you should seek legal council. You may want to do so in advance, to make sure you are defining your environment correctly.

I've been working in our ER for nearly a year, and in lieu of recent events, was prompted to open this thread. I am the only male nurse in, not just the ER but in the entire hospital. The nurses I work with are very good at what they do, save for one fault. THEY HATE MALES! Despite their "friendly" and helpful demeanor there has always been some underlying hostility towards me. Not only that, I tend to overhear comments like "They only hired him because he's a male nurse." and "Guess who's YOUR partner today?" Even though this is a male nursing forum, Marci, I hope you are reading this.
One of the nurses I used to work with (who I miss dearly) suggested I try to "kill them with kindness." It didn't work. I brought homemade cheesecake. They ate it like hyenas at a slaughter, but not a single thank you from any of them.
OK here's my question: How do I attempt to solve this problem, without quitting my job (which I do love) without having to resort to murder? Has anyone run across this problem? How did you deal with it?

Labrys · Apr 21, 2005

Originally Posted by Da Monk
WOW! I have worked with women for about 30 years and have rarely run into this. But, the worst one was having a man-hating, openly lesbian, grad school professor, who went out of her way to embarrass or shame me on more that a few occasions.

I wound up with a 3.2 grade-the lowest I received in the program. But, I had another lesbian professor who was a gem. Overall I think I have been sort of pampered. Good luck.

Do you always add the sexual orientation when talking about your professors? (for example: "My heterosexual anatomy professor was so brutal, he was on my *** constantly!")...doubt it.

I was reluctant to respond, but couldn't resist. Actually it's funny like two days ago I was talking to someone about how I hope there are some male students in my nursing classes when I enter the program..due to the fact for some reason I usually get along with them better. Negative experiences happen with people of all sexualities, in my experience the women who bash men are usually the ones dating them...I mean if it doesnt effect me, why should I complain...ya know? Don't get me wrong she may have had issues...but her being a lesbian is irrelevant. Just as it is with the instructor you had a good experience with.

Just had to get that off my chest.

-Allison

(A future non man-hating, openly lesbian, nursing student)

Tony35NYC · Apr 21, 2005

OK here's my question: How do I attempt to solve this problem, without quitting my job (which I do love) without having to resort to murder? Has anyone run across this problem? How did you deal with it?

This is an old thread, but I just want to pitch in my thoughts. You said you love the job so I hope you're not seriously thinking about quitting. If you let these people run you off then they win, and you lose out on an opportunity to be where you want to be. I had similar experiences when I first came to work at the hospital where I am now, but I learned to deal with them in my own way. There are at least a few b*tchy people everywhere so changing jobs is not necessarily the answer. Some of them are just plain ignorant, some others feel very insecure about men 'invading' their turf (especially if you are a lot younger than they are), and some of it is just envy. (Who knows, maybe some of this hostility is even based on physical attraction to you). To be fair, though, at my place some of the men are just as bad as the women you mentioned, and most of the women here are very professional and very pleasant people to work with. After you've been working at a place for a while you get to learn the politics and know who you can trust. Until you get to the point where you feel comfortable with this, it is best to remain circumspect and redirect everything back to care of the patients.

I've been called a few choice names behind my back. And I've heard some of the nasty gossip that used to be spread about me when I first came. I guess I'm just not a very sensitive person when it comes to these things and i consider this to be a positive. What I did everyday was to ignore certain people and to be quiet or walk away and busy myself with the patients every time people would get together and start to gossip or start with the idle talk at the nurse's station. Even when they were talking about themselves and their families I didn't participate because it was obvious to me that some of it was being done to get me to volunteer details about my personal life so they could get new material to gossip about.

Any involvement I had with them was related strictly to the tasks that needed to be done. As long as the work gets done and the patients are safe, it really didn't matter to me whether I was popular with the crowd or not. In fact, some of these same people have had a 180 change of attitude towards me after they got to realize that I couldn't have cared any less about their silly gossip. They eventually got the point and gave up. Now they are trying to be friendly because I've been a big hit with the powers that be here and it is now clear to the backstabbing gossipmongers that nothing they do is going to run me off. I've learned that although its important to be civil and professional when working as a nurse, you don't have to be best friends with the people you're working with to enjoy the job or to do it well.

I went the long way about saying this, but this isn't simply a "women's" thing because men do it, too and you're going to find a little of it anywhere you go as a new employee. Don't quit your job unless YOU really want to. Show up every day and do your thing and show these people that you are a professional.

lanilou · Apr 22, 2005

Before you quit, you need to address the hostile work environment to your immediate supervisor. Documented hostile environments can be a burden on a supervisor that receives the report as they are required to respond, at least an appraisal of your perception toward your work environment. If no action is taken, or dismissed, and you can prove your claim, you should seek legal council. You may want to do so in advance, to make sure you are defining your environment correctly.

my best friend is presently working in a hospital wherein his colleague has been pursuing her for almost a year now. he steal kisses, hugs her when she busy with her job, calls her at home, etc. these things have really affected her performance. sometimes, she takes absences just to avoid him. she told him already that she is happily married back home in philippines and still, he wouldnt listen. he simply told her, i can do what i want to do. she reported this to her boss but was advised that this is a personal issue. what else can she do in this situation? she is having second thoughts of renewing her contract with the hospital shes working now because of this. is there a law which gives protection to people like her? yup, she is cute and brilliant.

jewelfire · Apr 22, 2005

i would suggest she go up the chain of command. This is most definately NOT a personal problem. She has the right to work in peace without harrassment. She needs to make a copy of the hospitals harrassment policy, and write a formal letter of grievance attach the policy and give copies to the immediate supervisor and that sups boss and the head of the HR dept. In the grievance letter she should mention steps hse has taken to resolve this issue already. Hope this helps. and this goes for males and females! No one should be harrassed in the work place and there are laws against it! Whether it is sexual, psychological or physical harrassment.

JayRob · Apr 22, 2005

my best friend is presently working in a hospital wherein his colleague has been pursuing her for almost a year now. he steal kisses, hugs her when she busy with her job, calls her at home, etc. these things have really affected her performance. sometimes, she takes absences just to avoid him. she told him already that she is happily married back home in philippines and still, he wouldnt listen. he simply told her, i can do what i want to do. she reported this to her boss but was advised that this is a personal issue. what else can she do in this situation? she is having second thoughts of renewing her contract with the hospital shes working now because of this. is there a law which gives protection to people like her? yup, she is cute and brilliant.

Sexual Harrassment in the work place is covered by your Sexual Harrassment policy at your Hospital. She has to clearly tell him no regarding his behavior. Sound like she has already. Get a copy of the policy. Unwanted phone calls at home should be reported to the police. He may have a record of this behavior in the past.

nursemike, ASN, RN · Apr 23, 2005

my best friend is presently working in a hospital wherein his colleague has been pursuing her for almost a year now. he steal kisses, hugs her when she busy with her job, calls her at home, etc. these things have really affected her performance. sometimes, she takes absences just to avoid him. she told him already that she is happily married back home in philippines and still, he wouldnt listen. he simply told her, i can do what i want to do. she reported this to her boss but was advised that this is a personal issue. what else can she do in this situation? she is having second thoughts of renewing her contract with the hospital shes working now because of this. is there a law which gives protection to people like her? yup, she is cute and brilliant.

In the U.S., there is definitely a law which protects her, and if the hospital fails to correct the problem, she also has a basis for civil action (lawsuit) against both the harasser and the employer that allows him to harass. She should probably go up the chain of command, as suggested in a previous post, but she could also contact the Department of Labor. If she is in the country lawfully, as I assume she must be, she has the same rights as a U.S. citizen.

The man who started this thread is also entitled to the same protections, but, to be realistic, he might not get much help, since the harassment is somewhat subtle. In your friend's case, the harassment is rather bold, it sounds, and is also of a sexual nature. She does not have to put up with that, nor should she.

pfitz1079 · Apr 24, 2005

Basically, I find being a better nurse than them works pretty well.

If that doesn't work, you could try to talk it out with them. Maybe their issue isn't with you being a man, maybe they just don't like you.

If all else fails go nuclear- pee on their clogs!