How do I move past this?

[anonymous1977]

I'll try not to make this too long, but it'll probably be long. TLDR is basically a patient lied about me and it haunts me (mentally) to this day. I would just love the perspective, experience, and advice from fellow nurses. Thank you for reading.

So I once many years ago had a patient who had a treatment to wounds. I was working the night shift and it was early morning when I went in to change the dressing. I tapped the patient on their shoulder and let them know I was there to change the dressing. They nodded and fell back asleep. Their spouse was sleeping on a cot next to them.

Next week I come into work and my supervisor pulls me into their office and hands me a letter written by the patients spouse. It was a very long and strangely detailed letter about me changing the dressing. Apparently, I was very rushed, very rough, the patient yelled out that I was hurting them, and I told them to shut up, and slammed the door when I left. Needless to say, I was shocked reading this letter. I told my supervisor it wasn't true of course, and they said I should perhaps apologize and would no longer care for the patient. So I headed towards the patients room to apologize. When I got there another nurse was in the room, along with half of the patients family. I excused myself for interrupting and said I would come back. They all just stared at me like I was the devil. I left the room humiliated and went back to my unit to work. The patients daughter ran after me cussing me out about how I treated their parent. All I could do was stare at her in shock and humiliation and say I was coming to apologize for the misunderstanding and that I wasn't sure what happened. She cussed me out some more and left. I told my supervisor and they changed their mind about me going to apologize. So I never did.

To this day, this experience haunts me. I can't figure out the motive. This is the first and only time a patient has ever accused me of anything in the 10 years I have been a nurse. Why did they say this happened? If this was true how did the patients spouse sleep through all of this, but was so certain it happened they wrote a letter that is now permanently stored in a hospital databases file for the rest of my life? Do my co-workers believe them? Or me? Did the patient dream this? Confuse me for another nurse? Did they say I was hurting them and I didn't hear them? Why did I perform a treatment on a person while they were asleep? Should I have turned on all the lights and woken everyone up at 5am to protect myself? Should I have had another nurse with me? How do I prevent this from happening again? Why do I feel so humiliated still 5 years later when I know the entire accusation was false?

[Castiela]

I wonder if a coworker treated the patient that way and you were confused for that coworker? Was the patient delerious?

I imagine it is hurtful being accused of something you didn't do but there isn't much you can do unfortunately. If you have access, counselling or some form of debriefing might help

[anonymous1977]

I really do wonder if I was confused for someone else. I was the PRN nurse and there was a FT nurse and we look very similar. We regularly were confused for one another that when I was working but heard her name, I knew they meant me (and she said the same to my name). But I couldn't imagine her doing this to a patient either. So, Idk :\ . Counseling isn't the worst idea. I just go in circles in my mind over the situation. Trying to figure out WHY.

[JKL33]

Why do I feel so humiliated still 5 years later when I know the entire accusation was false?

Because you take pride in your work and care what others think of you/your work.

Don't stop doing that.

People do things like this for legitimate reasons (mistake/misunderstanding) and for other reasons like secondary gain (it fulfills some twisted psychological need or they receive attention, etc.) and sometimes because they are just terrible people with nefarious purposes.

Regardless, as far as this one incident goes, you must refuse to let it cause you to live in guilt. Those people don't know jack about you. I am hereby using my RN super-powers to absolve you from any responsibilty.

[Crush]

From what you posted it sounds like this was possibly mistaken identity. That you continue to carry this suggests need for some degree of counseling especially since the family member came after you to cuss you out and you keep thinking about this. Sometimes, there is no WHY, there just IS. Sending gentle cyber hugs your way. But we need more nurses like you who take pride in their work and care.