How should I approach my coworker?

heartsgal, ADN, RN · Jan 11, 2014

My best advice to you is to let some of it roll of of you and react with perhaps humor for the comments about you being so young. It's not professional that the older nurse is treating you that way, but it doesn't seem to be personal either. All you or any of us can control is our own behavior, but you can find a way to let others know that you will not tolerate being condescended too either. When the older nurse yells little girl at you across the station, ignore her and go about your business. If she persists, then reply by saying oh I'm sorry were you speaking to me, I didn't hear my name? It may sound cliche but others can't make you feel inferior without your permission. As far as the nurse flying through report and saying you can figure it out, you will have to be more direct and tell her, "no I need to know now before my shift begins and I don't have time to figure it out later either." It doesn't matter that she has kids to get home to, it's her job to give you full report on the pts status and why the abx are hanging so long etc. don't let her put her crap on you so to speak, you both have jobs to do and you're not going to hers as well as your own. Do not let her brush you off with her newbie comment, because she's using that to bully you in my opinion. I'm an older new grad at 49 and I joke with my co workers at times about how young they are, but I also know they have a lot to teach me and go to them quite often for help, even though they are my children's age. I want to learn and don't care how old they are and it shouldn't matter anyway when we are professional nurses. Thank goodness you have a supportive manager and are forging relationships with some of your other co-workers. Focus on the positive and try your best to ignore the negative, with the exception of caring for your patient and the information you need to do so. Good luck :)

Baubo516, RN · Jan 11, 2014

I am not a nurse yet - still in school - but I work as a CNA on a Rehab/Skilled unit in hospital. First of all, congratulations on getting an ICU position as a new grad! That is awesome!

I am sorry you are experiencing this type of unprofessionalism on your unit. I have found that unprofessional, weirdly emotional behavior is more common in health care than I thought it would be! I am an older career changer, and I experienced a true culture shock moving from being a teacher (where my coworkers were respectful) to a CNA (where sometimes coworkers were just plain rude.) I agree with the previous poster - you cannot control the behavior of others, only your own. My advice would be to remain professional at work - respond without emotional content, stick to the facts - but also to be assertive. It is part of the previous nurse's job to give you a full report when you come on shift. If you have questions, she should answer you. So, first, be assertive and say something like, "I understand that you are in a hurry, but need you to give me a complete report before you leave." If she continues this behavior, I would actually report her to management, but do it in an objective way. Document (meaning write it down so you don't forget) exactly what she says, then forward it to the manager without emotional content. Frame it in a way that makes it clear you are concerned for patient safety, not just that it is annoying.

As for the older nurse who calls you "little girl," be assertive with her. I agree with the PP - don't respond when she calls you that - only if she uses your name. You don't have to be a smart aleck about it, but just don't respond. If you want to give her a break, you could tell her (once) that as you have asked her not to call you that, you will no longer respond when she does. But then just do it. Focus more on the effect on patients and their families - that you want the pts and families to feel comfortable with the care environment, and you feel that this "nickname" undermines their confidence. That may mean more to her than the fact that it annoys you. It also may not, but what can you do? I don't think using a nickname is something that you can really write her up about, but I think ignoring her unless she addresses you correctly should help her change her behavior. If not, she will have to find someone else to help her, won't she?

If possible, always, always, ALWAYS remain professional yourself, and try to keep your emotional reaction out of your interactions with coworkers.

Good luck and keep up the good work! Let us know how it goes!

lmccrn62, MSN, RN · Jan 11, 2014

I went through something similar when I went to work in a new unit. This ICU was a higher level then what I was used to but I knew the work. Staff were rude and dumped on me every shift. So one day I just had it when I was giving report and the nurse was looking around and not paying attention. So I simply asked "is there a problem?" She looked at me and said no why are you asking me that. I told her that she wasn't paying attention and it was rude. I wasn't mean nor nasty just stood up for myself. That was the day things changed sand I never had a problem after that cause they knew I could stand up for myself. ICU can be a tough place with strong personalities you have to stand up for yourself.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Jan 12, 2014

You people how to treat you. So you need to teach them that you'll be treated with respect. Don't respond to the nurse who calls you "Little Girl" unless she calls you by name. Don't be nasty about it. Just be consistent. And as far as the incomplete reports -- first make sure that you are actively listening to what is reported, and that your question hasn't actually been answered already. Many newer nurses are (understandably) anxious about managing an assignment on their own and ask too many of the same questions over and over during report. Are you positive that the nurse didn't respond in that manner because your questions had gotten on her very last nerve? If you are, then you have the right to a full and complete report and do not hesitate to insist upon one.

usetimewisely · Jan 12, 2014

Thanks for the response. One point in time, that's exactly what I thought was happening. So, I started writing down more specifics with her. But even with that, I have had to tell her to slow down. She'll fly through previous medical history, allergies, anything to get out the door. In the past, I used to be worried I'd miss something important when nurses jump all around in a disorganized report. Now, it's not a problem for me. They can tell me whatever they like, and we'll check current orders and any drips before they leave. Cuts down on all that writing.... With this one nurse, I'll just keep speaking up in order to get what I need. And with the older about the nickname, I'll try the ignoring. It'll be a few days before I can try it out since I'm off. I'm curious to see how it unfolds.

I have decided that I need a new goal for myself. I was a CNA for 4 years, and sometimes I got through the really stupid things, or bad treatment, by thinking "It'll be fine. I'll be a nurse soon. This minor stuff doesn't even matter...so let it go". Some kind of project to work on, or joining an organization. I'm not sure. Maybe that'll help though.

usetimewisely · Jan 12, 2014

Yeah, its like something funny in my mind happens. I feel like if I say something to upset anybody, I'll feel the wrath! They are very judgemental of each other. They smile and all, but they voice what they have to "clean up." I don't like walking on eggshells, but that's all I've been able to do while trying to keep the peace. I actually have no problem being direct, but firm. But it seems that it's not allowed since I'm new. I can't wait to drop this new grad title. Surprisingly, the doctors treat me much better than the nurses.

Baubo516, RN · Jan 12, 2014

Not to be shallow - and I will probably get flamed for this - but are the doctors mostly men and the nurses mostly women? If you are young, energetic, attractive and female, those qualities might influence the men to treat you better. I am not saying it is right, but I think it happens! I am 40 years old and in pretty good shape, but I look like a mom, not a "hot young thing." I sometimes notice that I am treated differently than some of my 20-something classmates. On the other hand, because I am older, people are more likely to assume I know what I am doing. I guess this is a tangent, but just a thought! We all have different gifts and attributes, and sometimes people can be shallow and treat us badly out of jealousy, etc. I'm always kind to the young cuties, though! :)

heartsgal, ADN, RN · Jan 12, 2014

Not to be shallow - and I will probably get flamed for this - but are the doctors mostly men and the nurses mostly women? If you are young energetic, attractive and female, those qualities might influence the men to treat you better. I am not saying it is right, but I think it happens! I am 40 years old and in pretty good shape, but I look like a mom, not a "hot young thing." I sometimes notice that I am treated differently than some of my 20-something classmates. On the other hand, because I am older, people are more likely to assume I know what I am doing. I guess this is a tangent, but just a thought! We all have different gifts and attributes, and sometimes people can be shallow and treat us badly out of jealousy, etc. I'm always kind to the young cuties, though! :)[/quote']
You might be on to something there. When I was in my early 20's I was a pretty young hot thing and one manager I had when I worked in respiratory at the hospital was horrible to me and a friend & co-worker told me one day it just because she was older divorced and not happy and she was jealous of me. I never have that problem now lol and find it's much easier for the most part being older so the jealousy thing isn't a factor. Also it could just be the dynamic in your particular unit. I spoke with a nurse who longed to find an ICU like her old one where she worked for many years because she said they were a tight knit bunch and always looking out for each other. Once you get a year of experience ICU you'll be golden and have many more choices so just know your time is limited there if the attitudes don't improve.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Jan 13, 2014

Not to be shallow - and I will probably get flamed for this - but are the doctors mostly men and the nurses mostly women? If you are young, energetic, attractive and female, those qualities might influence the men to treat you better. I am not saying it is right, but I think it happens! I am 40 years old and in pretty good shape, but I look like a mom, not a "hot young thing." I sometimes notice that I am treated differently than some of my 20-something classmates. On the other hand, because I am older, people are more likely to assume I know what I am doing. I guess this is a tangent, but just a thought! We all have different gifts and attributes, and sometimes people can be shallow and treat us badly out of jealousy, etc. I'm always kind to the young cuties, though! :)

Over 50% of graduates from medical schools these days are female. I'm not sure what the statistics are on nursing school graduates, but fully half of our staff is male. So not only was your comment shallow, it was incorrect. Furthermore, I doubt very much that the "young cuties" are treated badly because of jealousy, but rather because they're sometimes incredibly irritating, especially when they're convinced that the sole reason they cannot get along with their coworkers is that everyone is so jealous of their extreme beauty.

heartsgal, ADN, RN · Jan 13, 2014

Don't get you panties in a knot Ruby, it was strictly a possible hypothesis and she stated that and the OP never mentioned it. The simple truth is that nursing is a female dominated career force and some women are great and get along well with others and have their fellow nurses backs despite their age or experience. While others are petty, gossipy and down right mean. I'm lucky at my age I know who I am and in my menopausal state although I'm a quite friendly and outgoing lady, I also don't take any crap off of mean know it all young nurses or or old crusty ones who think everything is annoying. I will be 51 when I graduate from the RN- BSN program and because of my age people always assume I've been a nurse for years, but being an older newbie nurse gives me an advantage since I know how my younger counter parts feel when their discriminating against for no other reason than their age, especially when I've seen it happen. At the end of that day we're all in it together so it would be nice if some seasoned nurses would be more welcoming mentors, like the young nurses 1/2 my age have been to me.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Jan 13, 2014

Don't get you panties in a knot Ruby, it was strictly a possible hypothesis and she stated that and the OP never mentioned it. The simple truth is that nursing is a female dominated career force and some women are great and get along well with others and have their fellow nurses backs despite their age or experience. While others are petty, gossipy and down right mean. I'm lucky at my age I know who I am and in my menopausal state although I'm a quite friendly and outgoing lady, I also don't take any crap off of mean know it all young nurses or or old crusty ones who think everything is annoying. I will be 51 when I graduate from the RN- BSN program and because of my age people always assume I've been a nurse for years, but being an older newbie nurse gives me an advantage since I know how my younger counter parts feel when their discriminating against for no other reason than their age, especially when I've seen it happen. At the end of that day we're all in it together so it would be nice if some seasoned nurses would be more welcoming mentors, like the young nurses 1/2 my age have been to me.

Most of the seasoned nurses I know are welcoming mentors. I can only imagine that if you're not finding that, it might be because of some of the attitudes expressed above.