How Do You Handle Mean Girls?

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I've never been in a position where I had to manage interactions with mean girls until this class. I tolerated it for as long as I possibly could, then blew up at all of them. Now we're ignoring each other with them believing they are in the right because how I reacted is somehow worse than all the jokes, attempt to humiliate me, name calling, saying that I'm a fake person simply because I don't really participate in their unprofessional behavior in a school atmosphere and so forth.

Its just overwhelming being assaulted with comments about yourself that you know in your heart of hearts isn't true.

Just curious how you handle people like this? How about when they gang up on you and you're completely on your own?

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Dust myself off and keep it moving. Some people are meant to be friends while others are just life lessons.

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yeah but when people are targeting you and being outright toxic, I think thats different than being disliked. It doesnt bother me if someone dislikes me. I make an effort to be friendly and kind to everyone. But I was called fake for it. I don't get it and if it stopped there, I would just forget it. But it doesnt

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Maybe they are Jealous. Miserable people hate to see someone smiling, doing well, and enjoying their life. I worked with a group of girls like that. We would be at work and they would comer themselves off and gossip about me while I was standing right there. It was horrible, it got to the point where management began to notice and had to change departments. If it gets unbearable consider going to instructor. Or if you think they can listen and just try to talk it out first. But I first said keep it moving because you don't need negativity from peers in nursing schools, you're already around sick people who really need and deserve top notch help

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Stay focused on finishing nursing school. I've been through that but just ignore them as much as u possible can and get ur grades. Don't worry about them don't waste ur time on them.

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Are you in nursing school or in pre-reqs? If in pre-reqs I would agree just ignore them. If you are in a nursing program I would talk to a professor or your councilor. At least in my experience nursing school holds it's students to much higher levels of professionalism. If these girls are acting in an unprofessional manner it needs to be addressed before they end up being nurses and acting like that on the floor.

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thanks for the replies everyone

We're in nursing school

I already talked to the director and two professors earlier in the year. They said they noticed the group dynamics and the BS and they told me about personal negative experiences with this sort of thing.

Nothing has changed so it feels futile now. i wish they would implement a policy or screen better for people who were professional or at least took this seriously

Its the weekend and I'm wondering how long it will take to shake these bad feelings. I've never been attacked like this in my life, nor lashed out so badly either. I hate when I don't understand what I'm looking at

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I'm sorry to hear you are dealing with this. It must be very frustrating to know you are paying for abuse. But, YOU GOT THIS! Remember what your purpose is and why you are there. Dust yourself off and stay focused, STAY FOCUSED. These girls are not that serious to you and are non-entities. You have to keep telling yourself this. It's sounds as if they had got to you because you stated that you confronted them in a negative way, which is what they want. Do not give them that power. Do not allow them to get in your head. Always remain professional. Kill them with professional kindness. These are the kind of moments that define who we are as a person. This will not be the only time you have to deal with "mean people". Unfortunately, in this line of work and in life you will be dealing with mean people, peers, bosses, and patients. Let this time and experience toughen you up for what's to come. YES it hurts, YES it's hard and NO you will never really have answer as to why they don't like. Even if they told you and it was true facts stated more than likely you never receive it. Now you do have options as to how you want to deal with this. 1. You Do You! Meaning, you can ignore it, them, they who ever, remain professional, and keep it moving. 2. Go back to the instructor with facts AND solutions to address this problem. Remind the school you are a paying student with a good record and being bully is unacceptable and is not part of the curriculum or experience. This is why it is so important that you don't let those girl have you go "POSTAL" in public. It takes away your credibility when you file a complaint. Plus presenting solutions instead of just complaints, even when you are in the right, helps builds your case. Or 3. Go talk to the informal leader of the mean girl group. If you do try and talk in a neutral public area, without the mean audience. My suggestion is try 1 for a while and then if things have not changed or its impacting your grades do option 2. Hope this helps. Stay the course. Y

Your goal is to be a nurse. And remember, YOU GOT THIS!

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Thank you for such an honest, heart felt reply @kodomexhow06

I wonder if later in life I will feel ashamed for going postal as you put it. I feel like I should be but in this moment I feel completely justified. Not right, just justified. This is not my way of doing things either its just an overwhelming thing to have to deal with for no reason

I did try to speak to the leader of the group. She's not so bad in herself but at the time emotions were high and she was fixated on trying to explain why I was wrong, how I should accept the abuse from these girls because thats how they are, how they just dont like me but its ok because she's been through it and so forth. We never came to a resolution but I dont have an issue with her specifically

We're about to graduate very soon and I think I will go back to administration and the instructors and suggest some sort of harrassment policy. Things almost bubbled over halfway through the year and my instructors and director told me how they say the clique and bad behavior. They told me how they as nurses suffered in school and at work due to the same kind of awful attitude. My director told me how she would go home crying in those days. The advice is always ignore them and I made it almost through a whole year but now that I exploded, they take that to mean I was hiding my feelings. I am just not from a place where you just fight someone for stepping on your shoes. You give them the benefit of the doubt, maybe say "hey watch it".

I dont know if they will take my suggestion seriously. After all the school has a couple of problem they are learning to iron out.

The injustice of it all bothers me the most but I'm going to take your advice to heart because if I spent a lifetime lashing out in all thats not right, I'd never get anywhere. I just wish I knew the right way to stop people like this in their tracks. I also wish I understood how my classmates have no words but are the types to constantly express how reasonable and kind they are.

I guess in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter because I will never see these people again but for the love of god. If I suck that bad, how come I'm only finding out now?

PS - I will read your posts a few more times because you're just right

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To what extent can you remove yourself from their presence? When and where is this happening? Is it during lecture or during labs? I had people bothering me during lecture, so I e-mailed the professor to ask if I could move to a different table and briefly explained why. Getting away from them entirely, or at least farther away from them, would be the best thing to do.

It's a shame that this type of behavior has been normalized at your school. I assure you, this is not acceptable behavior in any situation. Treating others civilly is not "optional", nor is being treated decently some sort of privilege. Both are something that is normally expected when you are in civilized company.

Others are right to point out, though, that you will most likely meet difficult people like this in the future. You can find them anywhere. I know it's not any fun, but you could look at it as an opportunity to learn how to cope with unpleasant attitudes.

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Alot of drama follows nursing school and I have had my share of it. At the end of the day you did not sign up for school for them and I highly doubt they are paying any on your tuition. I say this to say ignore the ignorance focus on your studies and your goal. Let their ignorance be your driven motivation to thrive and do better than them whenever the opportunity presents itself. Good Luck

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Specializes in POST PARTUM/NURSERY/L&D/WOMENS SERVICES.

Oh my dear friend...you are still in shallow waters...just wait till you end up in the shark infested zones!!

Nurses must have thick...and I do mean THICK skin...there is this little saying...if they aren't talking to you...they are talking about you...

The best way to respond to stupidity and nastiness, well is to not respond at all. Be self confident, self assured and always know your worth...

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