How do you develop a thick skin?

[belabelisa]

I know that it's important to have a "thick skin" as a nurse, but I just don't. I tend to be pretty sensitive when people are outright disrespectful to me. Not so much the people I'm caring for. More so peers and superiors. This is something I know I'm going to have to work on, I just don't know how.

Today was a real eye-opener for me. My professor was very rude to me for no reason. I mean just downright mean. I won't go into details, but I wasn't the only one who thought he crossed the line. It wasn't because I did anything stupid or anything. The only thing I can figure is that he was just in a bad mood.

Anyway, I was able to stay composed long enough to get to the bathroom - where I balled my eyes out. Now I'm afraid that I'm too emotional for nursing. I know it's a tough profession. How can I develop a thicker skin?

[belabelisa]

These suggestions are wonderful. Thank you all so much. MissJoRN, I love the "la, la, la" idea and I will seriously try sticking out my tongue with a mask on one of these days! :chuckle

Llg - your input is very helpful. I think it will REALLY help if I make it a point in tough situations to think about my #1 priority (the patient) and to focus on problem solving.

I hate it that sensitivity is seen as a weakness. I hate it that tears are seen as a weakness, while anger is often accepted and even seen as a strong expression. It's funny that many people who talk about others being "emotional" are very emotional themselves - they just express the emotion in other ways (i.e. anger, stress, etc). I'm not ashamed of my tendency to get teary. I don't think that my tears are inappropriate or that crying is a sign of weakness. However, I realize that I exist in a society that does. If I don't want people to see me as weak and "emotional", I will have to suppress my normal reaction to being hurt. I hate it, but that's just the way it is.

[J-9TylerTexas]

Haha, lemme preface this by saying I'm not *abused* but... my husband yells and complains like a grumpy old son of a gun. That and I moved from up north to the Wild West in '99 I feel like I've been in boot camp for 5 years. Not a dang thing anyone else can spew at me that I haven't had worse already. ~grins~

Having said that! In the situation of being yelled at I immediately try to detach emotionally and go into "analytical mode".... Instead of taking something personally if someone is shouting at me they go under my mental microscope. I listen, but I am calm in response because I'm busy analyzing them and why they feel the need to be a verbal-pain-in-the-rear that my emotions are pretty far removed from the surface... I think that's the whole "tough skin" thing. And I see their yelling more as a deficit on *their* part and an inability to cope with a stressful moment in their life. This is literally something I practiced... and made myself remember to do when faced with situations.

Secondly I had to stop caring SO much that this other person was unhappy at that moment. Empathy is a blessing and a curse, hmm! For the longest time I was the epitome of a people pleaser... anytime someone yelled or was even *displeased* I took it so incredibly to heart that it paralyzed me, but quite frankly I've learned that it's okay for this other person to be unhappy, mad, yelling, whatever, and I don't have to internalize their problems... because it's their problem, not mine!

(Of course buried somewhere in the tirade could be constructive critisizm, gotta pick the wheat from the chaff in that case.) So I don't want to give the impression that I stopped caring about others feelings, that's not the case, I care and when possible I will help do what I can to make things better, but just not so much that I wanna gut myself if someone else is displeased with me. So "Just care a little less" ...is my advice. View them with a scientist's eyes- like a bug! ~grins~

:D

J-9

[wonderbee, BSN, RN]

Not sure about the thick skin. Maybe the secret is learning how to say ouch before it becomes a critical care situation. Pain is a human condition. Nurses are not immune and shouldn't have to be.

[teeituptom, BSN, RN]

working with me is enough to thicken your skin

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: