How to deal with a patient/resident that does not like you?

Closed Account 12345 · Sep 17, 2020

You are required to treat her professionally and pleasantly. She is not required to treat you professionally and pleasantly. Other than "Please don't speak to me in that manner" and then letting it roll off your shoulders while you continue your job, there's not much to be done.

Imagine living in a nursing home in your 80s, having little control over your environment, minimal communication abilities with staff due to a language barrier, and someone new and out of your routine comes along and can't help you with something your routine person can. It would be incredibly frustrating. If you're going to work in an assisted living facility or nursing home (or any healthcare environment), you're going to have to increase your compassion and grace towards people who aren't in their finest moment. Sometimes they'll be unpleasant. I would be, too.

Convoy2022_TrumpSupporter · Sep 17, 2020

47 minutes ago, FacultyRN said:

You are required to treat her professionally and pleasantly. She is not required to treat you professionally and pleasantly. Other than "Please don't speak to me in that manner" and then letting it roll off your shoulders while you continue your job, there's not much to be done.

Imagine living in a nursing home in your 80s, having little control over your environment, minimal communication abilities with staff due to a language barrier, and someone new and out of your routine comes along and can't help you with something your routine person can. It would be incredibly frustrating. If you're going to work in an assisted living facility or nursing home (or any healthcare environment), you're going to have to increase your compassion and grace towards people who aren't in their finest moment. Sometimes they'll be unpleasant. I would be, too.

While I do agree with you, it doesn't give them a pass to say hurtful things to others. I'm still human too. I show compassion and all. That patient though is lucky. I have seen many Nurses/Doctors who don't take *** from patients. If that Resident comes across the wrong person oh my...

Closed Account 12345 · Sep 17, 2020

8 hours ago, DribbleKing97 said:

While I do agree with you, it doesn't give them a pass to say hurtful things to others. I'm still human too. I show compassion and all. That patient though is lucky. I have seen many Nurses/Doctors who don't take *** from patients. If that Resident comes across the wrong person oh my...

This post is overwhelmingly lacking maturity and professionalism.

An 80-something year old woman in a rest home with no control over her living conditions, routine, and who she interacts with is "lucky" you, as a registered nurse, didn't respond in an abusive manner when she was grumpy and rude that you couldn't help her with something? No. Just no. By the way, if you have seen "many" doctors and nurses whose reaction to an elderly woman being upset would make you say "oh my," YOU should report them and advocate for this vulnerable woman who lacks the language skills to do so herself. I really find it disgusting that someone who is supposed to be in a caring and professional role would act like this little elderly lady rightfully has something coming.

When you go to work as a nurse, you put aside your "What about me and my need for people to like me as a human" attitude. It's not about you. It's about the patients. That doesn't mean tolerate abusive situations. P.S. A frustrated elderly woman experiencing a single incident of frustration and asking you yo leave her room is not abusive. That is her home. She doesn't have to be your friend. She doesn't have to be friendly. You are the guest in her home, and you're a guest she doesn't like. Who cares?! Politely and respectfully do your job. If she is actively yelling or name calling, kindly say "Yelling at me isn't appropriate. I'll give you some time to calm down and will be back to check on you in 30 minutes." Then you return and go about your business professionally.

Your original post said you don't want to be told "Don't take it personally." That IS the correct response. It's not about you, although she may not like you one bit and may not culturally pretend she does. She might get weird/bad vibes from you and think "ugh, great, he's here again." She might feel you lack professionalism. She might think you lack maturity. She may find you useless. So?! Why do you care what an 80-something year old vulnerable rest home resident thinks about you? Be kind. Do your job. Continue working on building a rapport, and maybe over time she'll like you better. Maybe she won't. Who cares? But you'll know you responded appropriately.

Pepper The Cat, BSN, RN · Sep 17, 2020

Ask the full timer to write down how to plug in her electronics.
ask family to make a list of needs/ requests in Chinese and English.

For example “ I need hot water to drink” in Chinese and English. She points to the Chinese part and you read the English translation. We do this a lot at my hospital and it works well.

Nunya, BSN · Sep 18, 2020

Also it wouldn't hurt to learn a few words and phrases in her language....hello, good morning/evening/night, please and thank you etc. If she responds to this you can progress to pointing to something in her room and asking for the name.