How to deal with my feelings / perceptions

Specialties Psychiatric

Published

I am not sure if I should have posted on the nurses forum or not, but there are a lot of you who post here on Central that I value your opinions.

How do you set aside your emotions on a topic to help someone? I don't mean a patient, I have no problem separating myself from patient problems. This is dealing with a distant relative. I say distant, the family unit is fairly close, just the stepping stones to her is a bit distant.

I don't know how to explain myself on this very well and do not want to go into great detail, but my thoughts / feelings on mental issues is probably disturbing to some. I truly believe that mental issues exist in the severest forms. I also believe in depression. I think I could have been clinically diagnosed at some times in my life, but (thankfully) have been able to cope. I am sure it wouldn't hurt me one little bit to see a therapist to deal with some of the larger issues that I have. That being said.......

I sometimes, well a lot of times have issues with attention seeking via abuse of medications and threats of suicide. See what I mean? My previous sentence should clue you in on my thoughts.

I really can't go further other than to say that I want to be supportive and helpful and everything else, but I just can't get past previous behavior and separate current (self created) problems from previous problems. I feel like a "poor me" pity party has begun and I can't bring myself to attend.

I feel like as adults, we must face our decisions in life, for better or worse. We should examine our lives and if we are not happy, do something POSITIVE to influence what is happening and hopefully change the path we are going down.

A little about me, I come from a single mom household from a single mom household. I grew up with a mom who worked to the bone to take care of us. She taught me independence. I would like to believe I am mentally strong and independent. People know they can count on me. If I say I am going to do something, I am going to do it. I also tend to be fairly open minded about a lot of things. Except this......my biggest problem on top of not relating to this is my mouth. I try so hard to keep it shut. Doesn't always happen that way though.

So any advice for dealing with my mental issues on mental issues would be fabulous. Again, I really want to be supportive, but I need to address my inability to understand.

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I'll be glad to throw my 2 cents in, but it's a bit vague...

Are you having trouble dealing with someone else's psych issues?

Or are you concerned about something like a borderline personality issue in yourself?

Nobody knows you here if we'd see you in person, so it's not like we're going to know it's you if someone here would happen to stumble across you in the real world. ....:)

Can you be a bit more specific?

If you're having issues yourself with abuse of medications in suicidal gestures, you really need to get help...but I'm thinking you know that. Attention seeking generally only gets temporary relief of pain inside...you're still you at the end of the day- and having some sort of internal validation that you're worthy of taking up space on the planet is about the only way to get any lasting relief....

That being said, I'm seeing a situation that needs some professional intervention. Severe psych disorders do exist, and are not conducive to a productive or safe career as a nurse IF they're not treated and dealt with.

We can't give medical or psychiatric advice on the forum- if there's some sort of support you need (in addition to professional intervention) I'm sure there would be several people that would wish you the best.

But if you're attention seeking with suicidal ideations and medication abuse, you really need to get some intensive, one-on-one help. There is no room in the workplace for a nurse (or anybody) who has a lot of unmet needs. My guess is that you've had a lot of pain; that isn't an excuse for creating chaos on the job (or in school). :o

If you are feeling like hurting yourself with medication or anything else, you need to call 911..... best wishes :up:

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Oh no, this is not about me at all. I am fine, loving life right now.

I have a problem with a family member who is going through some troubles, that is all. I have a hard time coping with her "issues" as I feel they are self created, mostly. I do think she has a lot of things that she needs to work out for herself, but what she has done the past few months and spiraled down to within the last two weeks is beyond me.

I want to be supportive of her, but have to find that compassion within myself to look beyond her attention seeking ways - which she has done all the time I have known her.

What she has done lately is just beyond my level of comprehension. I can't relate to her right now.

I am not seeking medical advice nor psychiatric advice for anyone. I just need to separate my feelings about attention seeking behaviors vs. mental illness. Right now, in regards to her, I see what she says and what she is doing as attention seeking.

I guess you could kind of compare to a drug seeker coming to the ER for meds. Pain is what they say it is (as they taught us in nursing school) and we should set aside our preconceived notions to advocate for the patient. Her drug is attention (among other things). Problem is she is not my patient, she is a part of my family which makes it hard for me to separate my feelings.

I knew you would be the first to respond as we tend to keep the same hours :)

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i understand what you're feeling and i believe you have the right to feel that way.

these type of folks tend to be the histrionic type, enlessly turning the attn to them.

while it is a form of mental illness, it's the type that is extremely self-centered.

i suggest you tell her that you'd like to see her get help.

that would be sincere, yes?

also, while it likely won't work, you could always point out the blessings in her life.

it just gives the ill person, another perspective to consider, is she chooses to.

(just to point out, i don't think pointing out blessings is always the way to go.

esp towards those who are sincerely suicidal.)

you don't have to dote on her.

you can always treat her as you'd treat a pt...

with professional distance.

you can't be anyone else other than who you really are.

if you're not being sincere, it really is easily sensed.

i do hope it works out for you, and do hope your relative gets the help she needs.

leslie

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No matter what the mental health issue is it is always difficult for the family. There are support groups for family members. If it is a problem for you I would suggest you seek this assistance for yourself.

It is sad to see someone who feels so bad that either the attention seeking behaviors are so clear or the intent to self destruction is evident. Either way, as a family member you are not really able to be be objective. Don't beat yourself up about that. Just find a place that is safe to unload your frustrations. Many of us vent here so it is not impossible that you may need to tell us about certain things as they come up.

Many people have family members who have mental illnesses. It is sad that we treat these so different than we do the obvious physical ailments that family members exhibit.

Take care of yourself.

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Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).

I can appreciate your energies in attempting to deal with this sort of situation, littlewing. Others have given some sound advice and perspectives in this matter. Here's mine:

Everybody does the best they can under any given circumstance.

Adhering to this belief, we can be more empathetic with the uninformed. Once an Individual is informed, and understands the therapeutically proven methods of dealing with situations, they no longer have the option of avoiding that method.

This is the time to separate Oneself from the situation. Once One has done all they can for Another, we have fulfilled our responsibility, and need to allow that Other Person to make their own choices and live their life as they choose. "Live and let live" is a slogan which conveys the essence in this type of situation.

We cannot "save" Another. We can only assist them in saving themselves. To believe otherwise is to open yourself to a whole plethora of unsurmountable situations that have no viable solutions.

The best to you, littlewing.

Dave

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I appreciate everyone's advice. I am trying hard to be supportive, but from a distance. She is trying to get the help she needs and so far has made some good decisions to try to help herself (good thing!). I realize I am not the make or break person and my thoughts and opinions really do not matter and if voiced (which I would never do to her, my negativity on the situation is not helpful at all and not fair to her). I am coming to terms. I just never realized how difficult a situation like this would be with a family member.

At least with patients, you don't really know them before the "event", whatever that may be, you only begin to touch them when they come to you for help. Totally different viewpoint. Makes it easier for me anyway to deal with my "perceptions".

Again, I do appreciate everyone's words of advice. I think that writing out for myself how I feel about the situation and hearing from you guys has helped me to step back a little.

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