How to deal with divorce, work, school

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I'm an LPN still in school working towards my RN. WIll finish in May 08. My husband suddenly announced he wants a divorce. We have both been under so much stress but I had no idea he was so unhappy. Neither of use can financially afford to move out and he says he wants to help me finish school...he says he owes me that. I don't know how I am going to handle all of this with my last semester of school. Anyone been there? Any advice? I work 3 days a week LTC and go to school full time so we will be able to avoid each other. I want a chance to work it out, but he says it would only be delaying the inevitable. I am so confused. :o:o:o:o

:trout::welcome:

I'm an LPN still in school working towards my RN. WIll finish in May 08. My husband suddenly announced he wants a divorce. We have both been under so much stress but I had no idea he was so unhappy. Neither of use can financially afford to move out and he says he wants to help me finish school...he says he owes me that. I don't know how I am going to handle all of this with my last semester of school. Anyone been there? Any advice? I work 3 days a week LTC and go to school full time so we will be able to avoid each other. I want a chance to work it out, but he says it would only be delaying the inevitable. I am so confused. :o:o:o:o

sandy123,

I'm only starting my pre-req's to nursing but I know the stress I've felt with work, school, kids, and a house to manage. Keep your chin up.

I went through two heartbreaks and survived both - although I wasn't in school I still had a job, kids, and life to deal with.

LOL,

lifeizgood

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Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.

I am sorry to hear this. I lost my mother 6 weeks after I got married, and if my husband acted that way (it took me about a year to get it together), I would have been hurt as well. He may be jealous about your upcoming nursing license, and it may be like 'work' to him, but in the long run, you will have more opportunities and advancement. He needs to be patient with this transition. If not, as others stated, life does go on. My last relationship before my husband ended with me being heartbroken and humilated. But, had this guy hung in there, he would have been a home owner with me and I would have been a nurse. When my mother died, she left me the house with no mortgage, and I was able to redo it with the insurance money. But, I had a more appreciative and better man to help me to take care of and appreciate my mother's hard work, blood, sweat and tears. He supported me through nursing school, and I do not regret marrying him. Life will get better. Don't risk your education on him, keep your head up and finish the program.

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:smiley_ab

Hang in there. It's SO hard on a relationship to be in school and working. I'm doing it right now and have had several arguements with my s/o. Give him some space and see how things go. He may realize how much he loves you. He may not. Either way, you need to finish school-you'd never forgive him or yourself if you didn't stick it out now & at least this way you can fend for yourself, should the worst happen. I think they have a hard time understanding just how much of our time is taken up by school....because it's not just class and clinicals...it takes a lot of our free time to study and such. I know my s/o gets upset about the time I want to spend with my nursing buddies..he feels left out. It has helped to plan a study session at someone's house and have him come along....the spouses, etc bond while we study! Anyway, I hope this helps. Please take care of yourself!! :uhoh3:

That sounds like a really good idea, I am not in nursing yet but I will be hopefull this Fall 2008 if not for sure in Fall 2009 and I am worried that my husband will have a hard time accepting all of the time I will need for nursing school. I am attending an online school right now and sometimes I need a little bit of time to study and do my assignments and he gets upset with me and I have also warned he about how hectic nursing school will be but I told he it's my dream to be a nurse and it's only for 1 year. Does taking your spouse to your study sessions help? I think once I am in nursing school I might try that so he doesn't feel left out.

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Sandy123 let me start by saying I COMPLETELY understand your predicament about 6 weeks before I began the LPN program ( last Sept) I found out my husband and so called best friend had been having an affair ( 3 years no less) She was actually my personal reference:uhoh21:. We have two children 1pre-teen and 1 1st grader. and all though financially it has been/ and still is destroying me. I say good riddens to his sorry #*^. I have been blessed with an INCREDIBLY supportive family and friends ( obviously not her, LOL) anyway just keep focused and protect yourself as much as possible. With tons of hard work and a great support system I am happy and proud to say I passed both the program and the NCLEX. It can be done just focus on what you need to do! In my opinion there would have been nothing that would have made him happier than to see me fail! And that was not an option! Once I get threw all that's going on now I plan to plug ahead for my RN. So good luck and know there are lots of people cheering you on!

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That sounds like a really good idea, I am not in nursing yet but I will be hopefull this Fall 2008 if not for sure in Fall 2009 and I am worried that my husband will have a hard time accepting all of the time I will need for nursing school. I am attending an online school right now and sometimes I need a little bit of time to study and do my assignments and he gets upset with me and I have also warned he about how hectic nursing school will be but I told he it's my dream to be a nurse and it's only for 1 year. Does taking your spouse to your study sessions help? I think once I am in nursing school I might try that so he doesn't feel left out.

very well said, Missy. I do hope that your husband will support you through out your nursing school and also be understandable that you need this time to focus on your nursing. I really hope all works out well. :) That's precisely why my teacher told our class not to get married until after nursing school because it does a great deal of stress on a marriage-- what with all the study and all.

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Sandy 123, I'm soo sorry that you are going through this rite now.. I hope everything works out.

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very well said, Missy. I do hope that your husband will support you through out your nursing school and also be understandable that you need this time to focus on your nursing. I really hope all works out well. :) That's precisely why my teacher told our class not to get married until after nursing school because it does a great deal of stress on a marriage-- what with all the study and all.

Thanks so very much for the support!!! I really appreicate it. I husband understands to a certain point but he really has no idea how hectic it will be unfortunatley until I start nursing school and that has me worried but at the same time I am so very excited to start nursing school. I was recently sent a letter with what times classes and clinicls will be-Mon.-Tues.-Wed. 8a.m.to 2:30p.m. classes & Thurs.-Fri.-6:50a.m. to 2:30p.m. clinicls so if I start this Fall 2008 or when I start Fall 2009 we both have agreed that the weekend is family time so hopefully that will make it a little easier.

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As you can see, you are getting a lot of support.

I am not going to write a book about your situation but suggest you hang in there. Keep your focus. ONce the dust settles, (you graduated) take time to inform the guy fully what you have endured.

Express your regret that you had to put him on the back burner, but to move ahead sometimes sacrifices have to be made.

If he was a med student, would you have supported him, helped him out, done his laundry, cook, give him space in order to work towards a brighter future for the two of you? If yes, tell him that.

I know, I would. Relationship is team work. When the one needs help, the other one supports.

If that is not what he wants, then find somebody that understand the team principle, relationships are teams. It takes two, united, to work together. That is the good part of life. To work together, make it better, make it your life, your future.

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Hi Sandy,

I am so sorry to hear about your situation... I too experienced such hell just last year. I am married for 10 years now and have a child. My husband works as a LVN and he was putting me thru LVN school when it happened. I cought him seeing someone else! (LVN too) and I was in the middle of my first term only! Imagine me... sitting in my class taking my midterms and all of a sudden tears just won't stop rolling down my cheeks (I had never been embarassed in my whole life except that day) I kept praying to God "Please help me finish this test and not give up"... my instructor was all eyes on me as I summoned the little strength I had left to finish the test... the drama didn't end there...so many apologies and so many promises broken...Sometimes, some women had no idea how much trouble their doing to a family (or probably they just don't care at all).

I almost ended our marriage if not for the constant feeling I have everytime I pray...I would start out being mad but the moment I pray... could not explain it but I just found myself gaining the strength to forgive. Whenever I read the bible (I just open the bible and read the first line I see) it seems to be talking to me. I wan't all peacefull and diplomatic at all times... we really had big fights (just to show you I'm not that goody girl)... but praying my pains to God just really solves the aches inside me.

I could go on forever... there's more drama to it... but the important thing is that after one school year of drama...me and my husband are now doing good (he finally broke off the relationship)... I finished my schooling.... and just two weeks ago - I passed the boards (a brand new car as a graduation gift from my hubby wasn't so bad too) I guess when we leave it all to God, blessings just kept pouring in! Imagine what could have happened if I gave up too soon?!

I would continue to pray for you and your spouse. May God shine his light in your path. Take care always...

PS: Books that truly helped me thru some rough times were written by Stormie Omartian -"The Power of a Praying Woman"... & also "The Power of a Praying Wife"... hope you'll have time to read it.

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sandy123,

I sincerely feel for you and your current situation. I had just started school, had been out of the workforce for 6 years, and had 2 little ones at home when my then husband decided he would rather be single. I felt the same way you do. I would rather work it out. Heres what I learned - I don't want or need to be with someone who does not want to be with me. I am worth more and so are you. Although it may sometimes feel like it, my happiness or success does is not dependent on this person. It is however controlled by me and I can choose to be happy and successful or not. It is not worth ruining my education over getting caught up in the drama that life brings. I know this seems easier said than done but please don't make the mistake of letting this derail your career or education. Regardless of how it turns out this will pass eventually and life does go on. And lastly, we, as individuals, sometimes stay with others not because it is best for us but because it is familiar and comfortable and the unknown is scary. Being on your own for the first time in a while is very scary but also liberating and life affirming. Maybe taking a step back from one another will allow each of you the breathing room to decide if you are/will be together because it is right or because it is comfortable. My best advice is to be very honest and go to your husband and tell him you would like the ability to finish your last semester w/out undue emotional episodes. Ask him if you 2 can just work your different schedules and use this time as a breather to get your head together. Then when your semester is over you can make the big decisions. In the big picture of life a semester really is not that long.

Good luck and I hope some of this will be helpful. I hope everything works out for you. But whatever the end result please try to just muscle through that last semester. You are so close to your goal not to realize it.

I want to thank you for this post. As a current LVN student who just started 2nd semester out of 3...and whose husband who has just (about 2 hours ago) dropped the bombshell that he feels the need to "be selfish" and no longer is in love with me and wants out the minute I earn my certification...well... this really helped me A LOT!

We have always had issues...and to be honest I'm ******...I've spent the past 17 yrs waiting for him to grow up and be the man I knew he could be and now that he finally IS that man...he's bailing on me! I like you though have no desire to be with someone who does not 'like' me or want to be with me. So I appreciate your honesty in your post...and hope I can be as positive with my own situation.

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