How to cope when it's one of your own

[jnrsmommy]

We had a wonderful co-worker code on us last night. She's in the hospital still unresponsive and on a vent. I've had other coworkers who have passed (both expected and not), but never one where it happened right in front of us and who we worked so hard on.

I've been able to cope when it's been patients, shutting myself out and doing the job at hand has never been a problem. We aren't supposed to have to do that to a co-worker, you know? So I ask, how do you cope?

We don't have an EAP, but I was told they are going to get some chaplains to come in and talk to us.

[P_RN, ADN, RN]

I would say keep it out in the open, don't shut it out. Talk with each other. Put her picture up and talk about her. Visit her when you can but not in large groups, she can hear you I am positive of that. And if you wish pray with others and by yourself, you will be heard.

[jnrsmommy]

Thank you so much for your reply.

[kakamegamama]

I am so sorry to hear about your experience and your coworker's situation. By all means---talk about it, talk to her, pray, and don't shut it off. Don't feel guilty if you cry, laugh, live life, for life does go on, even in the depths of something like this. Don't expect to "get over it"--one doesn't "get over" something like this, but is forever touched in some form or fashion. Let yourself "feel"--it will be better for you in the long run. Take care--

[AOx1]

Completely agree with the previous post. We are entitled to grieve, just as anyone else would grieve a critically ill friend. I believe being a nurse makes this harder, not easier.

[Old.Timer]

jnrsmommy,

XXOO

That is a very significant and heartbreaking trauma that you and your team experienced. I know it hurts and I am truly sorry. As others have said, talk about it ... share the story of what happened from start to finish. If it's easier, write a "letter" to your co-worker's family telling them what happened - you don't ever need to mail or deliver it. Sometimes it is easier to get started if you call it a "letter" vs "processing my feelings by journaling".

Of course, I don't have any answers but I couldn't not respond to your post. It touched me.

You are in my prayers. I am so sorry you are hurting.

XXOO

[Batman25]

I'll keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers. Talk about it as needed and don't be afraid to grieve. It's a sad thing to witness especially for a loved one. I will pray for a complete and quick recovery. God bless.

[rachelnrn]

I would suggest speaking to one of the social workers as well.

[Elvish, BSN, DNP, RN, NP]

We had a coworker battling cancer and it has been hard to watch him struggle, especially when as nurses we know enough to know when it's not good. It stinks. It's not quite the same as what you've experienced; I just want you to know that your feelings are all normal.

I can't add any more advice to the excellent words already given here, but know that you have my thoughts and best wishes - as does your coworker. (((hugs)))