Horrible Death - What could I have done better?

[HospiceMama]

Hi Everyone,

I'm new to this group. I had a horrible experience with one of my patients. The male pt. had panc ca w/mets to liver/lung. Lived with spouse and adult sons stayed with them. It all started when he became dyphasic. The family were, like most, insistent on feeding him. I've never had a family not respond to teaching re: aspiration, etc. The family fed him anyway, i.e. chewing food for him and putting it in his mouth!! I finally taught til blue in the face and they stopped. Then When he started transitioning, they kept shaking him awake, begging him not to die! Of course, I did teaching re: peaceful environment, etc. to no avail. This is the worst death I've ever witnessed in all my years in hospice. I called the SW quite early in the process and bereavement and the family refused visits. Declined Chaplain. He had a horrible death and I felt like I was witnessing torture. Is there anything else I could have done for this patient? He did sign a DNR for me about a month prior and I constantly reinforced that "his wish is ..." Nothing worked!! For the first time, I feel like I failed a patient and family. Any suggestions or comments welcome. This has been haunting me.

Hugs,

HM

[JNF RN]

As several others have replied, you did all you could do. There will be many hundreds of families that you will deal with that will make you glad you chose Hospice. Hospice is a special kind of nursing. Keep your chin up and you will be fine.

[GrumpyRN63, ADN, RN]

The family failed the pt, not you. How aweful for him, and for you to have experienced that situation. Obviously unable to cope with the situation and care for him properly. It would have been better for him to have been placed. but to refuse SW intervention what else could have been done? I'm suprised they didn't send him to the hospital on his way out.. bad scene, but you can't blame yourself. Did they at least manage his pain properly?

[nursebboop1, BSN, RN]

I replied earlier, but just wanted to affirm what all the others have said. You did all you could do to insure a "good death". I don't know how many years you've practiced as a Hospice nurse. What I can tell you is that it will always be my passion. You know if you've been "called" to it. It gave back as much or more than I gave. It taught me about life. Had my 54yo sister not died suddenly I'd still be doing it. I posted an article --see "Articles" --called "AN HONOR"--please read one of my first beautiful experiences that kept me going for 10 years in hospice.

[nursebboop1, BSN, RN]

"There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from"

--Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

I replied earlier, but just wanted to affirm what all the others have said. You did all you could do to insure a "good death". I don't know how many years you've practiced as a Hospice nurse. What I can tell you is that it will always be my passion. You know if you've been "called" to it. It gave back as much or more than I gave. It taught me about life. Had my 54yo sister not died suddenly I'd still be doing it. I posted an article --see "Articles" --called "AN HONOR"--please read one of my first beautiful experiences that kept me going for 10 years in hospice.