Hmo

An eye doctor, a heart surgeon and an HMO (Health Maintenance Organization) executive die and are in heaven. God asks the eye doctor why he should be let into heaven, and the doctor explains to God that he helped people save or regain their sight. God says, "Welcome to heaven, my son."

God then asks the heart surgeon what he had done in life that should allow him into heaven. "I saved people from death from heart attacks and heart disease," the doctor replies. "Welcome to heaven, my son," God says.

God then turns to the HMO executive. God asked him what he was, and the man replied that he worked for an HMO. "Welcome to heaven, my son but you have to leave in 2 days;)

[donmurray]

So a general practitioner, a paediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon, and a pathologist all went on a duck hunt.

A bird flies over, and the gp takes aim, then says; "I'm not sure if that is a duck, better refer to a specialist" and the bird escapes.

The second bird comes over, and the paediatrician dithers also, about getting a second opinion, and that bird escapes.

The psychiatrist gets the third bird in his sights, then thinks, "I know that is a duck, but does it know it is a duck?" and of course, the bird escapes!

The surgeon spots the next bird, jumps to his feet, and barely taking aim, blasts it out of the sky, turns to the pathologist and says, "Go and see if that was a duck, will you?"

[nur20]

GOOD ONE donmurray !!!!! LOL

[donmurray]

I liked yours a lot too!

[debbyed]

:D

[jayna, RN]

;) ;) ;)

[nur20]

A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up.

The boss says, "What happened to your ears?"

He says, "Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and shah! I accidentally answered the iron."

The boss says, "Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?"

He says, "Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!

[nur20]

Since I just joined a HMO, how difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?

Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were participating in the plan at the time the information was gathered. These doctors basically fall into two categories -- those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part of the plan. But, fortunately, there is a doctor who is in the plan accepting new patients. And...he has an office just four hours away.

I have an 80/20 plan with a $200 deductible and a $2,000 yearly cap. My insurer reimbursed the doctor for my out-patient surgery but I'd already paid my bill. What should I do?

You have two choices. Your doctor can sign the reimbursement check over to you, or you can ask him to invest the money for you in one of those great offers that only doctors and dentists hear about, like windmill farms or frog hatcheries.

What does HMO stand for?

This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe" Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the result remains the same.

Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?

No. Only those you need.

What are pre-existing conditions?

This is a phrase used by the grammatically challenged when they want to talk about existing conditions. Unfortunately, we appear to be pre-stuck with it.

Well, can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?

Of course, as long as they don't require any treatment.

What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?

1You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

What should I do if I get sick while traveling?

Try sitting in a different part of the bus.

No, I mean what if I'm away from home and I get sick?

You really shouldn't do that. You'll have a hard time seeing your primary care physician. It's best to wait until you return, and then get sick.

I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his office?

Hard to say, but considering that all you're out is the $10 co-payment, there's no harm giving him a shot at it.

What accounts for the largest portion of health care costs?

Doctors trying to recoup their investment losses.

Will health care be any different in the next century?

No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.

[donmurray]

So the psychiatrist is running his patient through the ink-blot test, and the patient is saying;

Rottweiler.................

Spaniel......................

Lhasa Apso...............

Labrador...................

German Shepherd.....

The shrink says.. "It would seem you are obsessed with canines"

The patient replies, " You're the one showing me the doggy pictures!"

[Dave123]

A paramedic, a nurse, and a doctor crash land on an island. As they get out of the wreckage a wild tribe of natives run out and tie them up.

They are sitting there and the chief walks up to the paramedic and says "death or Roo Roo?", well the paramedic has no idea what Roo Roo is but he know what death is so he picks Roo Roo.

So the tribe unties him and begin to have anal sex with him. Afterward they let him go.

The Chief then asks the nurse, "death or Roo Roo?", well the nurse now knows what Roo Roo is and it sucks but death is worse so he picks Roo Roo. So they untie him and have Roo Roo. Afterward they let him go also.

The Chief then asks the doctor, "Death or Roo Roo?". Well the doctor says "the hell with you I am a doctor so I choose death!!"

Well the Chief doesn't know what to do because no one has ever chose death before. So they have a tribal meeting and the chief comes back and says "I'll ask you again, death or Roo Roo?". The doctor says "DEATH!!". The Chief looks at him and says "Ok, death by Roo Roo".

[jayna, RN]

....NURSE20 ....HAHA GOOD ONE

[nur20]

Signs you are drinking too much coffee...

(October 22, 2001)

- You ski uphill.

- You answer the door before people knock.

- Juan Valdez has named his donkey after you.

- You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

- You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

- The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.

- You're the employee of the month at the local coffee house and you don't even work there.

- The Nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

- Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low"

- You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.

- Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.

- Instant coffee takes too long.

- When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it up. Sixty-three more, I'll have a cup."

- You channel surf faster without a remote.

- When someone asks, "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."

- Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.

- You named your cats "Cream" and "Sugar"

- You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

- You help your dog chase its tail.

- You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.

- You help your dog chase its tail.

- You can outlast the Energizer bunny.