...........help........

[mpolo]

Hi,

Im a final year nurse......and I feel that everything is just so wrong.

This feeling of dread, and whether I want to complete nursing....is arising after working as a Personal Care Assistant in nursing homes. Let me put it this way........it is aged care...wiping off the faeces, washing urine soaked bodies......in a pretty much all female environment.......I find it HIGHLY frustrating.....being all tincy wincy spiders.....honestly.............my maleness just has to be pushed so BAD inside.

Im hating acting like I have no balls. Yes, I know it's all noble, yes, I'm a patient advocate first and foremost,

but lately I'm beginning to question whether nursing for males, isn't just code for "torture for males".

like i said, i'm all for the patient, i'm all for putting ppl first......but by God....I hate acting all..............soft ..............all the bloody time when I am in the nursing home. It just feels so unnatural for a man.

You do it, because you care......i get it.

Are there any sections of nursing, which are a tad more masculine? I mean crunch.............my head is so twisted that I'm even glancing over websites with nursing in the defence forces....just to have that ....bs....male thing in there....you know, aeromedical evacuations etc. Granted....not truly considering it....because I have seen to much death already.......but I WILL BE HONEST..... I AM MISSING THE CAMARADERIE AND MATESHIP......which I feel is non-existent for male nurses.......feel so isolated.

How can I address this isolation? How can I tie it all back in together, and just integrate all this ****....so that I understand it all, and it translates into a long career, that this male can be proud of himself. honestly, sometimes I just feel so ashamed !!!!!!

no ****, i know it's all societal, i get it.......i get it...........but physiologically I feel like a piece of facese. like i am losing my manhood. ***.

what to do?

pls for goodness sake....suggestions? Im going crazy here. Let me repeat.........I love helping people, and I love making a difference in their lives...........I HATE FEELING INFERIOR!!!! all this bowing of my head, being humble here, humble there, copping it on the side of the head here, getting ignored there, God forbid this man can actually say something back to this all women's club. this is ****. nursing - women's club. can I find any other profession in healthcare....using my nursing education....to move on.....?

pls suggestions........honestly....I need to get this stuff out.

[Tait, MSN, RN]

Life is what you make of it and how you perceive yourself. I might not be a male, but I have never felt like I have to bow my head to anyone. I love my patients, I keep them safe, and I do it because I view myself as a professional.

Sounds like you would benefit from nursing in a more critical area I suppose. Perhaps ICU, life flight, or trauma ER would be a good place to look.

Best of luck,

Tait

[TC3200]

also:

surgery center / OR / PACU

psych

[rn/writer, RN]

It sounds to me like you are truly lonely for the company of other men to talk to, to hang out with, and to mentor you as a male student in a predominantly female world.

I would encourage you to do what it takes to get through your final year, keeping in mind that there are many truly dynamic specialty areas that sound like they would suit you well if you can just get that degree.

Try to separate your personal/professional loneliness from the job you now hold. Most of us have had crummy jobs at one time or another. But if you are also feeling bad on the inside, that can really complicate and confuse the situation. You might find that getting help with one will improve the other.

Seek out the company of other men in nursing--healthy men who understand and practice a masculine approach to being a nurse. Start looking into specialty areas you feel would challenge you and revive the parts of yourself you are now repressing.

Visit the Men in Nursing forum here for ideas about how to get beyond feeling inferior and soft (in a bad way). Try to find out if there are other men in nursing in your area. Investigate military nursing. Look into finding a job now that could tap into your masculinity--working with teens, veterans, spinal cord patients, or other areas that would leave you feeling less depressed and more able to be your whole self. If you can't actually change jobs, maybe you can volunteer with an ambulance service or a rescue group or some other type of service that would help you reawaken your masculine side and may even help you with job networking down the road.

In short, do everything you can to get through this last year with making yourself crazy. Once you graduate, you will have many more options open to you. You've made it this far. Now hang in there, and work on discovering your hope and passion.

You can do this.

I wish you the best.

[mpolo]

That's an amazing response, thankyou!

I've taken a few days off, spoken to a careers counsellor, she recommends even doing something unrelated to nursing atm....i.e. labouring, house renovations, etc, just to get my mind off....to continue with the studies....but to have a mind relaxation and do the things that I also feel natural in.

I chose nursing bc...........I care for ppl. pure and simple. However I am not willing to sacrifice my manhood, I will give everything to my patients, my effort, my attention, my compassion and the remaining energy that I have in me. BUT.....I am still a man, and i still have feelings of requiring recognition at times (yes , yes....stupid male ego).

I read before in another forum, about how to survive as a male in nursing.......in short....lol.....cannot believe this....one of the recommendations was .......to be one of the girls. PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!! This sort of thing just makes me depressed. I respect, tolerate, and encourage diversity (it is what keeps our species thriving and alive), but I cannot go that far. I simply do not want to be one of the girls. hahahahahah plus I have hairy legs, so would look terrible in stockings HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Yeah, I have considered military nursing.....but like I said, I have experienced too much passing away and the trauma involved so the stupid male naivety of thinking that war is glorious has passed me. A civilian in the military, yes.

I am also thinking of rejoining my ambulance friends that I had volunteered in a first aid service with. I guess I really need those blokes and gals right now. sounds stupid, but I like wearing the uniform, even if it is an ambulance volunteer.

I have also discussed with another counsellor, how to mix in a personal trainer course with nursing.....i.e. do some work in a gym, get my qualifications, and synergise nursing with exercise. luv it. luv it.

Nursing is just such a mindshift.....I accept it, I believe in the need to put ppl first before yourself, but I also need ppl to have in my career that I can bounce off with, and feel proud of my profession.

The search continues...Im loving your responses....and actually your responses show a gentle compassionate side to nursing that I also enjoy, how the more experienced nurses, can help the younger inexperiences nurses. thankyou...pls keep suggestions coming if you feel that they are relevant.

Chillin out atm, getting it all together.

nurses are superwomen, and some supermen. thanks.

[rn/writer, RN]

I chose nursing bc...........I care for ppl. pure and simple. However I am not willing to sacrifice my manhood, I will give everything to my patients, my effort, my attention, my compassion and the remaining energy that I have in me. BUT.....I am still a man, and i still have feelings of requiring recognition at times (yes , yes....stupid male ego).

Oh heavens, it isn't stupid male ego at all that makes you want to be recognized as a male. It's who you are. And there's no need to apologize for it.

The men who are the most successful in nursing are not those who can find a way to stifle the testoterone, but those who find ways to incorporate their maleness into their practice. Men bring something different to nursing. Something good and necessary. As the gender percentages shift, I believe (hope) that we will see more appreciation for that perspective.

I love the idea of your rejoinging an ambulance service. My being an EMT lead me to nursing, and I have many fond memories of those days.

Doing things outside healthcare is also a good idea. Sometimes you just need a little change of scenery and a whole lot of fun.

As far as the military nursing, what about something like the Coast Guard (not sure what it's called in OZ) or search and rescue. You could even get a cool dog out of the deal.

You were wise to ask for help. With the counseling/mentoring you're getting you sound like the kind of guy who will do very well and bring some really good things to his future practice.

Cheers!

[mpolo]

also doing a LOT of exercise. have left the car in the garage, and force myself to use the bike to commute. this has seemed to take a massive edge off my edginess....exercise therapy. seems to be working.