Help!

SassyErRn · Dec 10, 2008

You are only as sick as your secrets. Talk to your group now before you have more and more stories or lies built up. Your group will understand and inorder for you to benefit for going to group you need to be 100% honest. Otherwise you are wasting your time and money. You will feel much better after talking to them about your fears, etc. We understand you and how you think. We know about keeping secrets and we are good at it. They will forgive you and you and you need to forgive yourself. You are still healing but secrets will only delay you moving forward in recovery. Good Luck and take care.

Magsulfate, BSN, RN · Dec 10, 2008

I agree with sassy, well put. I don't know another way to say it....

Magsulfate, BSN, RN · Dec 10, 2008

Or, if you kept your secrets, then think about what would happen. Would ANYTHING happen? If not, and its not eating you up alive, then ... make your own decision.

laurieloo · Dec 11, 2008

i'm being honest about my feelings and fears just leaving out the substance itself, as they say in na we are not intersed in what drugs you used. i say what i need to say or even feel like i don't want to as i've been told to tatle on our thoughts but like i said just leave out the word opiates and when it comes to diverting i have a peeve with calling it that anyway (thats just ME) so i say stealing. i'm torn about whether my moving on will be hindered by license issues , again i'm being totally upfront with na and sponsor. i do get a heck of alot from the outpatient too as we know we grow from identifying and education. thank you for your replys and support, i really look foward to see the responses. sorry for rambling......peace for now.

nurseboudin · Dec 13, 2008

I WAS ACCUSED OF TAKING OPIATES FROM A PATIENT (i DID) AND ASKED TO TAKE A DRUG TEST WHICH I REFUSED. AFTER CALMING DOWN AND RESEARCHING ON THE NET I FOUND THERE ARE PROGRAMS FOR NURSES AND GOT INVOLVED RIGHT AWAY. PROBLEM IS THEY HAD NO PROOF SO I SAID I REFUSED BECAUSE OF MARIJUANA (ALSO TRUE).

Thanks so much for your post. I hope I can be candid here. Good recovery demands that we look at our behaviors and practice solutions to our problems with rigorous honesty.

I look at your situation and remember a time when I smelled like booze from the night before, but denied drinking before work when asked. My rationalization: I don't drink before work. Anyway, my point is this: The perception that I was a pretty serious alcoholic from that day forward existed amongst my peers and my management without my ever having said a word about it. So when I wasn't totally honest (i.e. I drink non-stop when not at work), I wasn't fooling anyone but myself. In my addiction, I was the only person who thought I was a good liar.

What I am trying to say is just because the evidence was not documented through a drug screen, your lack of honesty today might be a potential liability for gaining your employer's trust in the future. There is a perception that exists that you were the one who stole the narcs. Then you refuse a drug test. Then you enter a peer assistance program.

My sponsor always points out to me the potential damage of dishonesty. We owe it to one another in recovery to do the same for each other. This is the essence of accountablity. You may have skated by the more serious repercussions of what you did - but in the end, do you feel any better about it?

Much love and may your recovery be full of promise and freedom.

laurieloo · Dec 14, 2008

i just want to clear up my post....i was terminated from my job for refusing and when i gave a urine that week it was positive for thc. i know nurseboudin said you were the only one who thought you were a good liar but everyone from my supervisor (the patient accusing me is also an addict)to the people i've been honest with ( my husband, brother, friend ) really had no idea/my husband now petrified at the knowledge how close he came to finding me dead. i used alone after work and my husband works nights. i totally " functioned " during the day as i didn't have withdrawals. my friends and other family honestly have no idea other than i'm a pothead.

matt2401, MSN, RN · Dec 16, 2008

Hello, fellow addict/alcoholic here in a peer group in Florida (IPN).

In my time in IPN (two years) I have found the people that do the best are the ones that really surrender and become completely honest. Those that try to get by in their own way seem to keep snowballing with little stuff until it catches up with them by way of relapse.

I gathered from your post that you got into your peer group for a positive THC result and the thing that is eating you is that you haven't admitted to the diversion (i.e. stealing as you put it). If that is the case, I would say fess up to it in group and move on. If you are anything like me, being a liar went hand in hand with being an addict. If you are working a good recovery program (it sound like you are, going to NA and having a sponsor) then being honest will help cement your sobriety.

So far the test I have applied to actions I take is this: "If I take action A or B, which will help my sobriety more?". When I put it in those terms, the answer becomes pretty clear.

Hope that helps!

Matt

6/18/06

laurieloo · Dec 16, 2008

Hello, fellow addict/alcoholic here in a peer group in Florida (IPN).
In my time in IPN (two years) I have found the people that do the best are the ones that really surrender and become completely honest. Those that try to get by in their own way seem to keep snowballing with little stuff until it catches up with them by way of relapse.
I gathered from your post that you got into your peer group for a positive THC result and the thing that is eating you is that you haven't admitted to the diversion (i.e. stealing as you put it). If that is the case, I would say fess up to it in group and move on. If you are anything like me, being a liar went hand in hand with being an addict. If you are working a good recovery program (it sound like you are, going to NA and having a sponsor) then being honest will help cement your sobriety.
So far the test I have applied to actions I take is this: "If I take action A or B, which will help my sobriety more?". When I put it in those terms, the answer becomes pretty clear.
Hope that helps!
Matt
6/18/06

THANK YOU FOR YOUR REPLY, I WILL USE THE TEST YOU TALKED ABOUT. IN THIS PARTICULAR SITUATION I SEE FESSING UP AT THIS POINT EQUALS TAKING 2 STEPS BACK IN MY RECOVERY. I FEEL IT WOULD HINDER MY MOVING FORWARD WITH LIFE. I'M BEING HONEST AS FAR AS MY FEELINGS/EXPERIENCES SINCE BEING IN GROUP BUT USING THE WORD SUBSTANCES OR PARAPHERNALIA INSTEAD OF GETTING SPECIFIC. WHAT I'M STRUGGLING WITH RIGHT NOW IS NOT BEING ABLE TO SHARE THE WHOLE TRUTH, MY SPONSOR TOLD ME IF YOUR BEING TOTALLY HONEST WITH ME, YOUR HUSBAND AND WHEN YOU SHARE IN NA (I AM) THATS ENOUGH FOR NOW BUT TO TALK WITH SOMEONE WITH SIMILAR LICENSE ISSUES/SHE WOULDN'T RECOMMEND TELLING THEM AT THIS POINT AS I NEED TO GET BACK TO THE ROUTINE OF WORKING TO MOVE ON. I HAVEN'T EVER BEEN OUT OF WORK THIS LONG (ALMOST 3MONTHS) AND FINANCIALLY CAN'T AFFORD IT. WORKING WILL EQUAL A LOT LESS STRESS FOR ME IN CONTRAST TO SOME PEOPLE WHERE IT ADDS STRESS. THANX FOR LETTING ME RAMBLE.

matt2401, MSN, RN · Dec 16, 2008

I would say when all else fails follow your sponsor's advice, it sounds like good advice. You can always make a decision on who else to tell later. The big book does talk about what guidelines to use in terms of making 9th step ammends and if they would effect your career, etc. It might be worth a read through there to help put things in perspective.

Matt