Help! Nursing and heartbreak

MIA-RN · Nov 27, 2007

Your hospital's EAP might be able to help you find someone to help you work thru your loss.

chocokitten · Nov 27, 2007

HI, I had a 4 year relationship end in May of this year, I'm not over it yet. Sadly to say, this has affected my work ethics, call outs and coming in late. I can not believe my own behavior. I don't have any time to take off, but I fell like I'm about to go crazy.
Has anyone been in my shoes, I need some fast advice.
Thanks

perhaps try to switch with co-workers to arrange a few days off for you to recoup and work through this? and ditto on the above post

angelique777 · Nov 27, 2007

hi

first sorry about your heart ache. your not alone lots of women have been in your place feeling just like you feel and many have also overcome and you will too.

i do not know what words can console you i only can share what i did to get me by when i suffered a heart ache in my life.

it is strange how these this things happen and interfer with things like new jobs, the beginning of school or during a final exam. it what often makes it the hardest because you still have got to do what you got to do.

things i did to get by:

made a to do list:(wanted to refocus my energy so made a list of small short term goals)

seems silly but i even would put on my list get up go to work.

get cloths ready

seems silly but had to really force myself to do stuff.

clean house

empty referigerator etc

i i study stuff for work

( medications, medical conditions interventions) took course for work found a list of classes the hospital offered and took it.

this help me focus on work and go in to the job patient oriented and work oriented.

read post on allnurses.com about my area of specialty or questions i had that i wondered about.

may of list of things i felt improvement on at work and posted it on the door so i could see it before i left for work.

bought my self new uniforms so i could feel different

go to beauty salon

get hair done

get a message

get manicure and pedicure

those things that made me feel better but i stayed away from making any major changes such as drastic hair cut or hair color changes. i did that once and it made me feel worse.

go to major department store and have them put on makeup for free and would buy one of there products that i needed any way.

redecorated the apartment:

bought new curtains

redid my bedroom to make it pleasant to come home too

or bought material and made some new throw pillows (its amazing how some coloful throw pillows can change the look of a room)

bought some new plants etc

bought one of the fuzzy soft blankets i found that they felt good on my skin and would help me sleep

hired outside help;when it was really hard

i found someone to clean the house: nothing like when your sad then coming home to a clean house that someone else cleaned. there is something about coming home to a clean house that is so comforting . organized home declutters and helps the brain think clearer

girls night out:had two close friends that i could confide in and will tell my troubles too. do not isolate your self it good to have a friend who is not a gossiper who will not tell your stuff to other people

we go to movies, go shopping at the mall, go antique shops, go dancing

anything to distract and take my mind off the situation.

i stuck to action movies, comedies and would not go to any touch me feel me movies

i would rent stuff like rocky, tombraiders any thing that would get my mind thinking about action

plus your girlfriends are your support and can give you a well deserved hug

i love hugs

excercise:

joined a gym or would run on the track with a girlfriend or one of my coworkers who would like to jog

if you believe in god

i used to go to church

i like prayer night cause the focus was on prayer and i could just ponder and ask god to get me through. plus always found someone to pray with on those nights. i had no shame in asking for prayer.

b12 shotsmy step dad who was a physcian used to give me b12 shots

while many in the medical profession do not believe it should be given unless you have a medical condition depleting the b12. my step dad would say that studies show it helps with depression and fatigue. so maybe if your physician is progressive he can give you a few b12 shots to boost you up

take vitamins and try to eat healthy

something to help you sleep

when my mind was thinking to much and i could not go to sleep

i would take a benedryl and would sleep like a baby.

warm milk with honey

warm tea ( starbucks has this greetea with cocunut that i love)

nice bubble bath

aroma therapy put on candles and some nice bubble bath when i got home from work or the night befofe i went to work

music

when sad nothing like some loud rock and roll. van halen etc

your choice

go to local hotel or bed and breadfast

went to local hotel for a weekend and used the indoor pool and gym and it felt like a mini vacation with out the big expense of a vacation.

if you work 12hrs shifts you can put some days together in a row and go to a hotel near by even if its a weekday its just being in a different environment that helps.

those are some of the things i did to make myself feel better.

then remind your self that its better to find out early that some one is not compatible to you cause its worse to marry that person and have to suffer a bigger loss or even if you are married better to set someone free then have them live with you and have them make your existence awful.

focus on you for now and remind yourself on how important it is for you to do well at your job and in your life cause you need to eat and have a roof over your head and remind your self that quiting on your self is not a choice. you can fight this battle of the mind.

lastly no shame in feeling sad

i reminded myself that there is nothing wrong if i feel sad over a loss. i reminded myself there is no shame in feeling sad and mourning over that loss.there is a time to laugh and a time to cry and they are both worthy and appropriate expressions. the key is to try to function and leave the mourning for after work where you can deal with it with some of the above stuff.

our minds sometimes can be our friend or our enemy you have to make the effort to make your mind your very best friend.

not sure if anything i said helps but i wish you the very best and my prayers are with you god bless

love angela

GeauxNursing · Nov 28, 2007

so sorry you are going through hell. it will get better, one day at a time. {{hugs****

janaas · Nov 28, 2007

Hi, Angela, I read your post of course I cried, I read it again cried again this went on for about 30 mins.

Then I got up washed clothes, iron my uniforms, cleaned my kitchen, took a long hot shower, took some benadryl and went to sleep, I really can't sleep at night. Now I'm ready to begin this one day at a time.

I can not thank you enough, so many positive word was so motivating,

although I don't have much free time or extra money (single mom of three) and not any close friends in my new area.

I'm putting a plan together right now, my hospital has lots of classes.

I'm working tonight 12 hours, I'll be there on time and at my best or atleast improved.

I'll tell my co-workers to thank Angela:monkeydance:

Thank you again,

Have a blessed holiday

MQ Edna · Nov 28, 2007

Everyone has given really good advice, most of which I have followed myself in the past. You WILL get through this. I know it seems really hard right now.... but you will love again.

I posted this in another thread, but I think it applies well to your situation... if anything I hope it puts a smile on your face.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=10C68Gzd5GM

Right now, I can only suggest to you that you shouldn't try to hide your emotion or anything like that. You need some time for yourself, give a good cry, go out for a walk spend as much time with friends as possible. Do things that you enjoyed doing before you were in the relationship. Learn to love yourself again, learn to be okay by yourself. Work through it, work through it. You can do it. Pick up jogging perhaps? Get something to help you work with your frustration and disappointment. I'm sure you are a lovely lady and you deserve to be happy and with a good sig. other.

inshallamiami · Nov 28, 2007

angela-what great advice! what kind of nurse are you (besides amazing?)

hi
first sorry about your heart ache. your not alone lots of women have been in your place feeling just like you feel and many have also overcome and you will too.
i do not know what words can console you i only can share what i did to get me by when i suffered a heart ache in my life.
it is strange how these this things happen and interfer with things like new jobs, the beginning of school or during a final exam. it what often makes it the hardest because you still have got to do what you got to do.
things i did to get by:
made a to do list:(wanted to refocus my energy so made a list of small short term goals)
seems silly but i even would put on my list get up go to work.
get cloths ready
seems silly but had to really force myself to do stuff.
clean house
empty referigerator etc
i i study stuff for work
( medications, medical conditions interventions) took course for work found a list of classes the hospital offered and took it.
this help me focus on work and go in to the job patient oriented and work oriented.
read post on allnurses.com about my area of specialty or questions i had that i wondered about.
may of list of things i felt improvement on at work and posted it on the door so i could see it before i left for work.
bought my self new uniforms so i could feel different
go to beauty salon
get hair done
get a message
get manicure and pedicure
those things that made me feel better but i stayed away from making any major changes such as drastic hair cut or hair color changes. i did that once and it made me feel worse.
go to major department store and have them put on makeup for free and would buy one of there products that i needed any way.
redecorated the apartment:
bought new curtains
redid my bedroom to make it pleasant to come home too
or bought material and made some new throw pillows (its amazing how some coloful throw pillows can change the look of a room)
bought some new plants etc
bought one of the fuzzy soft blankets i found that they felt good on my skin and would help me sleep
hired outside help;when it was really hard
i found someone to clean the house: nothing like when your sad then coming home to a clean house that someone else cleaned. there is something about coming home to a clean house that is so comforting . organized home declutters and helps the brain think clearer
girls night out:had two close friends that i could confide in and will tell my troubles too. do not isolate your self it good to have a friend who is not a gossiper who will not tell your stuff to other people
we go to movies, go shopping at the mall, go antique shops, go dancing
anything to distract and take my mind off the situation.
i stuck to action movies, comedies and would not go to any touch me feel me movies
i would rent stuff like rocky, tombraiders any thing that would get my mind thinking about action
plus your girlfriends are your support and can give you a well deserved hug
i love hugs
excercise:
joined a gym or would run on the track with a girlfriend or one of my coworkers who would like to jog
if you believe in god
i used to go to church
i like prayer night cause the focus was on prayer and i could just ponder and ask god to get me through. plus always found someone to pray with on those nights. i had no shame in asking for prayer.
b12 shotsmy step dad who was a physcian used to give me b12 shots
while many in the medical profession do not believe it should be given unless you have a medical condition depleting the b12. my step dad would say that studies show it helps with depression and fatigue. so maybe if your physician is progressive he can give you a few b12 shots to boost you up
take vitamins and try to eat healthy
something to help you sleep
when my mind was thinking to much and i could not go to sleep
i would take a benedryl and would sleep like a baby.
warm milk with honey
warm tea ( starbucks has this greetea with cocunut that i love)
nice bubble bath
aroma therapy put on candles and some nice bubble bath when i got home from work or the night befofe i went to work
music
when sad nothing like some loud rock and roll. van halen etc
your choice
go to local hotel or bed and breadfast
went to local hotel for a weekend and used the indoor pool and gym and it felt like a mini vacation with out the big expense of a vacation.
if you work 12hrs shifts you can put some days together in a row and go to a hotel near by even if its a weekday its just being in a different environment that helps.
those are some of the things i did to make myself feel better.
then remind your self that its better to find out early that some one is not compatible to you cause its worse to marry that person and have to suffer a bigger loss or even if you are married better to set someone free then have them live with you and have them make your existence awful.
focus on you for now and remind yourself on how important it is for you to do well at your job and in your life cause you need to eat and have a roof over your head and remind your self that quiting on your self is not a choice. you can fight this battle of the mind.
lastly no shame in feeling sad
i reminded myself that there is nothing wrong if i feel sad over a loss. i reminded myself there is no shame in feeling sad and mourning over that loss.there is a time to laugh and a time to cry and they are both worthy and appropriate expressions. the key is to try to function and leave the mourning for after work where you can deal with it with some of the above stuff.
our minds sometimes can be our friend or our enemy you have to make the effort to make your mind your very best friend.
not sure if anything i said helps but i wish you the very best and my prayers are with you god bless
love angela

angelique777 · Nov 28, 2007

Janaas I am really glad that something I said helped. I wish you the very best. Muah lots of hugs and kisses from one girl to another. God Bless you and your three children. Wow its great you have three little ones. God gave me just one but I cant complain. You got six arms to hug you.

Inshall I am a Cardiac nurse but do not think that's why I posted but I have had a broken heart and know its rough. Its hard. During that time I remember I would put my son to bed and go to my room and cry while I read my books for school. Never thought any one could hear me until one morning I found a note on the door. It read can you please stop the f*&% crying your driving me crazy. I felt so horrible by that note. I was new to that town in the mid west had no family there no friends oh my gosh how horrible was that note for me. I really thought people where awful but just as I thought that as if God heard my thought......my other neighbor said do not pay attention to that lady shes mean you cry all you want its appropriate. She became a great friend from that day on. She helped with my son and would baby sit sometimes for me so I could work nights and just as one person was horrible to me God sent another to be a blessing. I thank God til this day for all the persons he put in my life as I struggled along. Now I got two jobs my son doing great I got a new boyfriend (not that I rely on him either lol) things have changed a lot and at the begining I never thought they would ever change but I did all the above stuff and made it through. Therefore, through the grace of God I am still here and made it through school and work despite all the trouble. I pray it always remain so for me and for you too.

Take care lots of love

Angela