Help for New Nurse

[rhiannon1203, ADN]

Hello everyone. I'm new to the community. I am 36 years old, graduated from the tech in December, landed my first job in a cardiovascular unit, started at the end of January . And everything seemed fine. Until it wasn't.

I had my first patient code 3 weeks of orientation. He was waiting to get open heart surgery the next day. He was independent in his room. Called and said he was short of breath, arrested in front of me. Was coded for 45 minutes and didn't make it. His wife walked in in the middle of the code.

I haven't had ACLS yet so I wasn't even really sure what I was supposed to be doing. As the primary nurse or not. But I still haven't gotten over it.

I don't think nursing school taught me the emotional side of nursing. Nursing school taught me science. It didn't teach me how to handle the stress. I am terrified I am going to kill someone. I am terrified of even going to work.

I am paranoid because I hear the way some of the nurses on my unit talk about some other new grads and I'm afraid they're also talking about me. I was told nurses eat their young but I didn't realize it was going to be that bad. I even spoke with my leader about how I was feeling and she seemed oblivious to it.

I am reaching out because I feel like I emotionally cannot handle nursing but I love the job. I love my patients. I love that I get to scrub in on an open heart surgery tomorrow. I love everything about it. Except I don't know how to cope with all of it.

Any suggestions from anyone? I'll take any advice I can get.

Thanks in advance

[Davey Do]

Obviously, you want to do all you can do for your patient, rhiannon, and you did all you could. Doing all you could is the only thing you can do- to beat yourself up over not being able to exceed your capabilities is counterproductive.

Reviewing, critiquing, and learning are he traits of a good nurse, no matter how new or seasoned. This is what you're doing, so you have all the earmarks of being a conscientious nurse.

Now you're reaching out for feedback, which is a healthy thing to do in order to deal with your emotions. Learning how to deal with your emotions is an ongoing process that is not something learned in a classroom. The consciousness is changed and heightened by illuminating revelations resulting from dealing with trials and tribulations. We learn to deal with stress by having stress. To paraphrase Jung, "Face your fears and there your soul will grow".

It's a long rough row to hoe, but, once again, we can only do what we can do. We here on allnurses can be virtual supporters and perhaps relate ways and methods on how we have learned to deal with the emotional stress that comes with working in this field.

And sometimes, rhiannon, we just have to "fake it 'til you make it". Tomorrow, scrub into that surgery with the realization you are there to learn and not know and how to do everything.

This surgery and losing that patient whose loss you feel can all be stepping stones necessary to take in order to be the very best nurse you can be.

The very best to you.