Help! I've failed for the 2nd time

[trishrnbsn]

OK. I've been an LPN for 15 years and I've raised 2 beautiful children but while I did this I also took classes and worked very hard to finish school. I finished my RNBSN degree and graduated in May '14 and right after this my life fell completely apart.... I lost my aunt who was like a mother to me since she has raised me off and on throughout my life and as grateful as I am for being able to take care of her through the last week of her life I am feeling as though I am a complete and utter failure for not passing my nclex for the 2nd time......I felt like the 2nd time was great, the test I felt went very good and when I left I really felt confident that I passed....wrong!!!! What a let down to myself, my family and everyone around me....The first time I took the nclex I had the entire 265 questions...Holy crap I thought when I left to myself...I felt as if I wasted my entire life on school cause I didn't know anything that they asked me during my almost 6 hours of testing...so before I took it again, I read books and I listened to videos and I read everything that I could about how to answer questions for NCLEX....I felt prepared and confident when I went in but apparently I was completely in my own little world where everything is safe and perfect cause I did not pass.....I don't know what to do now or how to study for this...I feel like giving up on everything that I worked so hard for...I lost my dream job and I've been without any income since april due to my schooling took so much of my time I couldn't work and I've been able to pinch every single penny I had to make it this far...now what do I do???? I can't even begin to figure out where I will get the money to pay to retest again for the 3rd time....I couldn't afford the Kaplan review or any other review that would help so I relied on books. I used Saunders, Davis, the 10,000 questions for nclex book, I've done over 2,000 questions and I still did not pass.....Being a nurse has been the greatest reward that I have ever done as far as working goes and I can't imagine doing anything else with my life but how do I get through this new 2014 NCLEX-RN exam.....Please help me cause I feel like I have lost all confidence in myself and everything that I have worked so hard to achieve....did I mention that the first time I got all 265 questions and the 2nd time I only received 75 questions before it shut off.....