Help! Is nursing really for me?

[slyc89]

Hello fellow nurses,

So just wanted to share a little of my background and frustration as a nurse. I graduated with my ADN in June 2012 and received my license in Oct 2012. Came into nursing because I wanted to work with kids in Peds.Throughout nursing school, I honestly would have anxiety going into clinicals especially in the hospital. I guess I was always intimidated my the seasoned nurses, MDs and just the fast paced stressful environment of the floor. I enjoyed my Peds clinical but unfortunately most of the experience I got was from med-surg or tele with adults. I had my preceptorship on a Tele floor. Unlike, some nurses, I wanted to work in the administrative side something like case management so after graduating I thought it would probably be best to get a good foundation for a few years working on the floor. I always felt like I didn't wanna work the floor forever but was something I guess I needed.

So of course I applied to as many new grad programs...was able to get one interview but didn't get the job. After 6 months, I started to feel hopeless. I then was offered a position at a Hospice agency that a friend of mine worked at. The pay offered was small but after thinking it through and letting go of the "You're a nurse, You should work in a hospital" mentality, I eventually accepted the offer. I started out as a field nurse and did office work as well which I enjoyed because I was getting bout clinical work as well as administrative work. As I became more experienced as a hospice nurse, my pay went up but along with that I got more responsibility. This agency also happens to be in Simi Valley, CA about 36miles about 45-50 minutes away from home in Los angeles. The agency was also small with about a census of 20+ and I would have 5-7 pts which became stressful and the patients became more needy and ill...needless to say, the family as well became more needy. Working in hospice, the nurse is the in the center of it all and you deal with all the family dynamics.

Basically, I became burnt out. There were days that became way to frequent when I would get home after working the 9-5 and standing the hour or more traffic only to get called back into work because a pt was in need and there we're no other nurses available besides me, the only nurse living in LA. The work schedule started to become unbalanced and oftentimes I found myself bringing work home. Although I enjoyed having the personal, close relationships with my pts who I've taken care of for months, it became all to draining. I got anxious about being called in the middle of the night for an emergency and having to drive 45mins to see a pt. I was also on call during weekends and would have to attend to emergencies that occurred. The job burnt me out and I started to dread it. Work became my life and if I was home, I was always tired and bickered so much of how much I hated my work.

So after 15 months, I decided to leave while not having another job to switch to just yet. I was at the point where I just needed a break, some kind of change. Not just a break from my work, but to change the kind of environment I was in. I was able to save a substantial amount of money and didn't have many bills to pay because I still live at home with my parents. I decided I would take a month off and then start looking for work. After that month, I did start looking in places such a clinics or adults health care services, even medspas for part-time work. I denied a position at a SNF because it didn't seem like it was for me, it didn't feel right. Got a few interviews at adult health care centers with not much luck due to lack of experience and didn't seem to be the ideal candidate for working at medspas that wanted you to dress up and have full on makeup...sad but true. Anyways, so lately I've just been looking at least for something part-time or per diem just to be doing and earning something. Past interviewers have questioned why I left and I'm sure it seemed like I wasn't committed but I can honestly say I was. Though I was burnt out, I would never make an excuse to not see a pt in need. And I left the company with no burned bridges. Now I'm at a point where I've started to feel really discouraged about finding a job. I'd still love to work in some kind of case management however most places want a BSN or experience...one of my goals is to go back for my BSN but I need a job, even just part-time to fund me. There's a lot of other hospices out there but I dread having to face those working conditions again. Not that all hospices are like that but I feel I just need something different and I don't mean the hospital. I'm 25 by the way...a lot of my friends have told me, "You're young...don't worry" while I've had other say, "what are you doing with your life...the hospital is ideal." So here I am, almost 4 months after leaving my job, wondering if there's anyone out there who is or has been in my situation. Sorry for the novel haha but if there's someone out there who can give me some advice or enlighten me, please do!!:)







[Marisette, BSN, RN]

Case management and administrative jobs in nursing often go to seasoned nurses and it sounds like you have not been in nursing long. How long were you in hospice before you experienced burnt out? I hate to be a spoiler, but perhaps nursing is not for you. Some may say that you have not found your specialty yet, but that can be difficult in todays economy and the competitive job market for nurses today.

I have been an RN, about 26 years and have a BSN for 25 years. You sound a little like me when I got started. Yes, it can be difficult to get started where you want, but if you love nursing, it's worth it to put in the time to build a career. I don't think I had a passion for being a nurse. I forced myself to do it to make a decent living, but I disliked it more often than I enjoyed it. It was not so much the patient care, but all the rest that goes with nursing, the supervision of coworkers, the working environment, the administration and absurd polices, difficult disrespectful physicians and so on. I know this is not what every nurse experiences, but it was this way for me. If this is the way you feel, get out while your 25 years old and have the option to pursue another career. A BSN is still a nursing degree and if you don't like nursing, pursuing a BSN is a waste of time. Many employers consider a BSN an entry to nursing practice today and it will not get you a case management or administrative job. If you still feel intimidated by seasoned nurses, physicians and so forth, you will not be comfortable in case management or administration. Good luck to you. Sounds like you need to look deep into your heart and see what you really want now.